Since a year, we've known my DH is ND. Best described as someone with left hemisphere stroke, except he's never had a stroke. He has been this way his entire life, just like his mother. He has some trouble understanding language and intent, trouble with word finding and expressive language and has difficulty focusing on a single task. He gets distracted easily. He grinds through tasks without understanding them, it's all rote learning without aha-moments. He recently told me he is having anger and irritability issues. I told him "You've always had those". His reply: "Now I'm noticing". (Probably because after 10 years I kinda sorta had my own explosion at him that he was making me feel like shit with his behavior. He has stopped that behavior but now it seems he's fighting the battle on the inside.) He sometimes feels like everyone (including me) is against him, why can't he achieve his goals otherwise? Yeah, without a left hemisphere, you get scattered real quick... Accused me of "holding him back", when I didn't do his bidding. He's also very naive and gullible at times, and then becomes suspicious about everything and everyone when he can't get his hands to do what his brain has thought up.
He is very very sensitive to rejection and criticism. To the point where I can't point out improvements to the house, or things that aren't quite where they should be. Everything hurts him, all the time.
Don't get me wrong, I've got PTSD to deal with for myself from a horrible childhood, so I'm no picknick to deal with at times either.
The irony is that I've picked a partner with a disorder, after escaping a collector's pack of disorders in my family. There's not a diagnosis in the DSM I haven't experienced first-hand by now. Sometimes I'm like "Of course, why not this too".
Just needed to get this off my chest. We're in a stable place right now, so that's good, but we're not there yet. I used to intuitively try to be his crutch without getting the acknowledgment, just got a lot of anger instead. After the diagnosis, I've consciously stepped back and now he's figuring stuff out alone. He's searching and fumbling. I'm letting him, I've backed off, he needs to come to terms with his disability. But I'm not sure how to get through the old resentment that is still lingering and the question of "In what ways can I rely on him and in what ways do I have to go at it alone?". Kinda painful, after a decade of therapy, failed careers due to personal and home stress, a failed business with DH, to find myself with more stuff to unpack. Sometimes I want to be done unpacking, and sometimes it's just yeah that's my life... I feel that if I can get through this part, and he can acknowledge his blind spots, we can make another improvement in our relationship. But my oh my it's all so much hard work.