Potential marriage with a very wealthy man… but I’m physically repulsed. WWYD?

[ForeverHopeful3]

33F, about to be 34. Single as a pringle.

But, my family friend just proposed a guy (38) from an extremely wealthy family (millions, big business). She said the family is good and he's their only kid.

THE PROBLEM: I’ve seen a couple of pics + a company video of him and my honest initial reaction was “ew, no”. I’d rate him 2/10 by my usual standards. Maybe a 3. Overall, I feel zero physical spark... I've tried to find one picture of him where I think he looks even just a little handsome and I can't. Even his voice was a turn-off for me in the video. I couldn't make it to 30 seconds😭

Part of me thinks I should at least have one coffee in case attraction grows or I’m being too shallow. The other part feels it would be dishonest – like I’d only be forcing it for the money/lifestyle. I also don't want to waste his time or give the family any sort of false hope :(

Would you meet once anyway, or is zero initial attraction an automatic no, even when the man is literally a millionaire?

I have tried to go on dates with men I didn't find initially attractive in photos but attraction has never grown on me in the past. Usually after 2 dates, I call it quits :(

If you find him "ick" there's a good chance he'll find you "ick" too, so don't count your chickens.

So this would be an arranged marriage? So he brings wealth to the table. What do you bring?

Yea defo meet him- he can afford a voice coach, private trainer and plastic surgery and a bedroom coach

No harm in meeting him. He may have something in the flesh that the camera doesn’t capture. Some people do. . Are you Jewish or Asian OP if you don’t mind me asking? Is this a matchmaker thing? Not a bad way of meeting someone if so and a sight better than OLD!

I've voted "no" on the basis that no one should ever marry someone who chooses their life partner based on photos.

Yes this.

Your post gave me the ick.

If he was a poor bloke with no money, you wouldn’t be even contemplating going on a date to see if an attraction developed, would you?

1 coffee can’t hurt?
but… we all get worse as we age!
if he went to boarding sch. I wouldn’t bother.

Many marriages are (maybe less so these days) a form of prostitution. Women trade sex for financial security. We all know men leave / have affairs if the sex cuts off. Some even do it when the wife is post partum.

I think being realistic about marriage isn't a bad thing. I wouldn't do it, but I wouldn't judge someone else who does.

And let's face it, many of us develop the ick for sex with our spouses while married. We all deal with it in different ways. Plus, the idea of romantic love as a basis for a sensible, long term partnership is mad. So many of us marry for that reason and crash and burn. Most marriages end in divorce. Very probably for that reason.

Assuming arranged marriage. Meet once.

This website is FULL of women who marry for love and get shafted, treated like shit at every turn and scrape by financially every month. The stuff I read that women tolerate always leaves me furious.

If you're going to settle down with any man, money is a great starting point.

But only if you can get over the ick. Sadly, that bit would make life miserable.

You must have a fine big opinion of yourself if you think that by even considering him, you are giving him and his family, "hope."

How can you be so sure that he will want to marry you-he might be totally repulsed by you when he meets you in the flesh.

In any event, before you get carried away with fantasies of him and his family begging you to bestow your self on him, you might do well to remember the old saying, " It's manners to wait until you are asked."

Shallow as a puddle.

So hold up... It's not marriage, it's a first date? Your question is, should you go on a first date with a guy you find unattractive? Well, no, of course not.

It's qute unattractive to me that you're considering selling yourself off to the highest bidder. Are you struggling for money badly? I see this attitude of dating men for money becoming more and more prominent and just don't understand it. If you want money, you can go out and earn it. Not take someone else's.

Women in past centuries did this because generally that was the only way for them to have any resources, times have changed.

Before someone implies I don't know what I am talking about, I dated a millionaire in my 20s. Dumped him on the day I found out he cheated. I did actually have a marriage proposal (an actual one) from another very wealthy guy recently. I like him as a friend and he looks nice, but I'm not sexually attracted and for various reasons a relationship wouldn't work. However, I was very, very offended and sad that he suggested this, implying I can be bought (the proposal included certain property etc).

It's attitudes like this that make a proportion of men think that they can buy any woman with their money. Sad.

I don't think you should meet him if you're feeling that way. I don't know much about attraction growing but I think if you're so physically put off in the first place it doesn't bode well!

Can’t wait for the next chapter of this novel 🙄

You’re in your thirties and rating people out of ten.

really?

I'm assuming this is an arranged marriage?

For my friend, she would meet every suggestion once. She liked the look of some of them from their photos, others not.

Her mum would arrange for the guy to "suddenly" pop in and take her on a second date, if mum really liked the man.

My friend got as far as 5 dates with one man before deciding he wasn't for her.

She's still single and happy.

She's shallow if she meets him because he's rich, but I disagree with the second half of your post. She's in no way shallow if she doesn't meet him because she doesn't find him attractive.

There's a certain type of language used to guilt trip people into going on dates with people they don't fancy, or by a (hopefully small) subset of trans people who guilt-trip/ manipulate lesbians into having sex with them.

Nobody under any circumstances needs to feel guilty (or shallow) about just not being attracted to someone. No explanations or justifications needed.

If you're commenting specifically on the 'reductive-ness' of giving a score to someone based on their attractiveness, I understand that, but I think OP is using it to provide context and perhaps would not speak in these terms in real life.

Personally, I would meet him.
OK, so I'm much older than you and not from a background where anyone has ever (or ever would) suggest a wealthy person would be worth meeting for possible marriage.

However, I am from a background where I'm interested in people, whoever they are, regardless of whether they match up to my romantic ideal or not.

You've checked out pictures so you're forearmed with knowledge. But perhaps meet with a genuine interest in another person, find out what they're like, they might turn out to be better than you thought, or it may develop into a genuine non-romantic friendship (I say that because that once happened to me in earlier years) or you may just confirm that for you, the person just isn't right at all, despite their financial situation.

By meeting them, you will know for sure, rather than spending time debating should I/shouldn't I?

Have you been reading Beauty and the Beast again?

Would this be an arranged marriage? How do you go from not even met him to ‘potential marriage’?

He deserves someone better than you by the sound of things who isn't just looking at him for his money.

I’m going to assume he’s proposed without even meeting you because either one or both of you are from a culture of arranged marriages.

I wouldn’t meet him unless I thought there was a chance I could be attracted to him.

This, what makes you think you’re a fantastic catch and he’s going to end up proposing?! Does he not have any free will?

Wealthy men often bat above their weight so there's a real possibility he won't be interested. Nothing to be lost by meeting though. What's the worst that could happen?