Potential marriage with a very wealthy man… but I’m physically repulsed. WWYD?

[ForeverHopeful3]

33F, about to be 34. Single as a pringle.

But, my family friend just proposed a guy (38) from an extremely wealthy family (millions, big business). She said the family is good and he's their only kid.

THE PROBLEM: I’ve seen a couple of pics + a company video of him and my honest initial reaction was “ew, no”. I’d rate him 2/10 by my usual standards. Maybe a 3. Overall, I feel zero physical spark... I've tried to find one picture of him where I think he looks even just a little handsome and I can't. Even his voice was a turn-off for me in the video. I couldn't make it to 30 seconds😭

Part of me thinks I should at least have one coffee in case attraction grows or I’m being too shallow. The other part feels it would be dishonest – like I’d only be forcing it for the money/lifestyle. I also don't want to waste his time or give the family any sort of false hope :(

Would you meet once anyway, or is zero initial attraction an automatic no, even when the man is literally a millionaire?

I have tried to go on dates with men I didn't find initially attractive in photos but attraction has never grown on me in the past. Usually after 2 dates, I call it quits :(

I think marrying him under those circumstances is called prostitution, isn't it?

I can guarantee that he will be able to see through your gold digger vibes!

I'm assuming that "family introduction" with the provision of photos and video means this would be an arranged marriage. If that's the case my comment about prostitution is probably unfair, and many marriages like this are very successful because each party knows exactly what they are in it for, no starry eyes illusions to be shattered by reality.

Good luck whatever you decide.

If he wasn't a millionaire this wouldn't be a question for you. So no, don't bother wasting his time.

Very shallow.. leave the poor guy alone

*actual footage of OP

If you marry a guy solely for his money,you spend the rest of your life earning it.

If you marry a guy with no money, you spend the rest of your life not getting paid 😁

You sound more interested in his money than him, for that reason I wouldn't. Neither of you would be happy in the end.

Exactly. He might well think you're a 2 as well! Plus there is such a thing as a prenup.

Marriage is a deal where both sides have to bring something to the table. He is 38 and rich. What will you bring to the table? What makes you think he would want to marry you? You are not the first gold-digger he saw, I am sure.

Honestly, how desperate are you? And how desperate do you think he is that he wouldn't smell a gold-digger like you a mile off? 🙄 If you don't have any self-respect, at least have some for him and don't waste his time.

I'm assuming that "family introduction" with the provision of photos and video means this would be an arranged marriage. If that's the case my comment about prostitution is probably unfair

What difference would it make?

(I don't think she's a gold digger or a prostitute or anything like that, but if meeting a man for one date just because he's rich and you might be pleasantly surprised in real life is wrong then I don't see what difference it being an arranged introduction would make.)

I’d meet someone once if I were single and dating.

This has got to be a joke

No, i wouldn't meet him - unless you'd meet a similar looking man just to see "what if?" who had less money. If you're already so sure you don't see him as attractive even at this point there's zero chance you'll find him attractive after 20 years and 2 kids together. Give him the chance to find someone who finds him genuinely attractive.

Find this post very odd. My family is Iranian Sunni muslim (political asylees from the late 70’s) and arranged marriages are part of their culture - but by arranged I mean they conduct vetted introductions with potential partners on the basis of a whole host of variables - education, profession, values, temperament. Obviously it would matter whether a young man (or a woman/her family) were solvent, but those introductions are never couched in terms of ‘you must meet this person, they are so very wealthy’. Most of my aunts and uncles did not actually pursue any of the people they were introduced to by their parents and married freely both within and outside their cultural and ethnic roots, so that I have a Jewish uncle, an Hindu Auntie and several white British relatives (of which my mother was one).

I worry that this is a goady post designed to misrepresent arranged marriage at a time when islamaphobia is rife. I fear it may even possibly be fake.

Give him a chance. My friend went on a date with a guy she didn't find attractive until 3rd date. 20 years later they are still together with 2 kids. I think people today are to quick to dismiss and run. I'd say go and see what happens. Maybe he's super smart and you'll fall in love with his brains? Then the rest should follow, lol.

Just be single?

Because the families are putting them together because they can see that the match will be advantageous to both parties, otherwise the introduction would not be made.

I didn’t think people like you existed anymore. ````silly me

If that is addressed to me I'm not being "goady" at all, quite the reverse. I know it's an unfashionable view these days but I know from work colleagues that arranged marriages can be very successful.

I don't think we can take what's in the first post as the sum total of the conversation that's gone on between the two families involved.

Still OP's choice to go though; arranged introductions or even arranged marriages are not forced (or if they are, that's something else). If she's wrong to try one date because her friend thought it might work, I don't see why it's suddenly fine when it's her family.

Jeez no - I meant the OP!! I would have quoted you had I meant you. I liked your posts!!

ETA - and we only have what OP has put in her post to go from. If values and suitability on criteria other than wealth had been raised, surely it would have been mentioned?

As I said, I know it's an unpopular view but after nearly 50 years of marriage and watching other people's marriages I get the strong impression that there would be a lot fewer breakups if marriages were planned mutually beneficial contractual arrangements rather than stars in their eyes "I'm going to lurve him to the end of time".

I did not use the word forced for that precise reason. Because one friend is interested in his money only. If two families are negotiating this then one family isn't motivated by the money but by other things the bride will bring to the table.

It could be a great match. If it's an arranged match I'd recommend she goes on one date and see where it goes. There is a hell of a lot to be said for a mutually compatible marriage with plenty of money even if it lacks sexual frisson.

I mean if ur repulsed by looking at him and hearing him, is there any point at all? Yeh you would be looked after and rich but to live feeling this day after day forever... If there's no in interest I wouldn't waste either of your time and meet someone you actually like x