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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Long winded text I've written to send to a man I like, thoughts?!

436 replies

BeBe05 · 09/11/2025 16:58

Hi T , because I've felt like this since last December. Would you like to come over for a drink some time? (When the kids are in bed) I know you probably won't , but just in case you do want to get to know me better, I thought I'd ask. As I know this is awkward. If you don't reply I'll take it as a no. And when I next see you , please be the same as before , although I may laugh. Because that's what I do when I'm embarrassed. Also, please don't tell anyone either way.
Also, I'm guessing no. Feels like when I was 8 years old and I told a boy called Lawrence in my class I Iiked him, I was so innocent. He called me a pig and broke my little heart. I still am innocent. I feel this maybe this again but hopefully without you calling me a pig. A thing I've made up in my head, because you are a polite man who doesn't gruff at me and surprises me when you talk from your heart. I've.not been use to that apart from with my brother's . P never would. Also, he would call me expletives most days, so any man not doing that would unfortunately gain my interest. God what an essay.
Don't reply please as I know it's completely crazy .
Also, just so you know every time you waved hello at me in the morning on the school run in your van. You made a woman who had so low self esteem feel just a little bit better about herself. Like she mattered enough to be noticed. Thanks for that.
And, also please don't be weird with me after this , as I really was hoping to ask you if you could help with the training at school (if your doing that) as my younger two go to bed at 7:30 .
Anyway , have a nice evening , and also thanks for how much you give to L at football, your a good guy.

OP posts:
YouCantProveIt · 09/11/2025 18:01

Please God no. No on deserves to have to read that inner monologue.

Get a therapist or a dating coach.

chickenlettuceunderbacon · 09/11/2025 18:01

Why? Why would you text someone all of that?

Send a line - and one line only - inviting him for a drink. That's all. If he accepts, do not share any of that either via text or in person as it's oversharing verging on emotional incontinence.

Praying4Peace · 09/11/2025 18:03

Mooselooseinmyhoose · 09/11/2025 17:02

I mean.. dont send that.

Whats wrong with "hi T, hope you've had a nice weekend. I wondered if you fancied meeting for a drink sometime?"

This 100pc.
Original text is far too intense and needy.
As for stating kid's bedtimes and inviting him over, this could be interpreted as a number of things inc sex.

Butchyrestingface · 09/11/2025 18:04

Just think, it's a good thing Mumsnet exists, OP. We read that weighty tome so yer man doesn't have to. Smile

NormasArse · 09/11/2025 18:04

shuggles · 09/11/2025 17:59

In real life, it would depend on the man.

Chase an asshole, get an asshole's response.

Chase someone who is gentle and kind, get a gentle and kind response.

My DH is gentle and kind. I read it out to him. He cringed.

Friendlyfart · 09/11/2025 18:05

I couldn't even get to the end, so if by the offchance this is real, it's a no from me!

PorridgeEater · 09/11/2025 18:06

regularlatte · 09/11/2025 17:00

No.

This

outdooryone · 09/11/2025 18:06

I would run from that.

RuncibleSpoons · 09/11/2025 18:06

If you want him to run a mile and for you to be embarrassed every time you think of it, yes, send it.

Honestly, it’s awful. Please delete it and send something short and to the point. Like one sentence.

bigyellowtractorface · 09/11/2025 18:07

Also a no. Telling him how boys and men have been shitty to you since age 8 is not attractive. He doesn’t need to know about your self esteem issues. Think about who you are as person not as an adjunct to other people and how they have treated you. Who are you? What is your identity as an individual? That’s what you would be bringing to a relationship, sell yourself on that not as someone who needs to be fixed by another man, which is what I would be taking from your message.

Imapebble · 09/11/2025 18:07

singthing · 09/11/2025 18:01

You don't need to send it, you've already had the tortuously long conversation all by yourself, both sides.

😂

titchy · 09/11/2025 18:07

Fuck me. Go the whole hog and text ‘Hi I’m really vulnerable and you can come and shag me and treat me like shit and I’ll let you do the same to my kids.’

Butchyrestingface · 09/11/2025 18:08

Does anyone think OP hasn't returned to the thread because ... she's already sent the text? <insert wee second-hand mortified face>

Cliveatnight · 09/11/2025 18:08

ginasevern · 09/11/2025 18:01

Fuck no. Is this real?

No way.

Frenchfrychic · 09/11/2025 18:11

Op, please tell me no part of you genuinely thinks sending that pity party of drivel to this man is a good idea?

if you want to ask him out, this is what you send.

het Jonny , how’s you, if you’re free want to come over/meet for a drink? Let me know when’s good.x

and that’s it. And if he says yes, please do not give him your life story when you meet, and then offload to him. If you need to offload about your issues start a thread on here.

TwistedWonder · 09/11/2025 18:12

No no no no no no. Sorry OP but im
cringing on your behalf if you’ve sent that overthought waffle.

Whats wrong with ‘do you fancy a drink’

shhblackbag · 09/11/2025 18:13

This cannot be real. I really need this to be a wind-up.

If it isn't, I hope you didn't send it.

SL2924 · 09/11/2025 18:14

JFC don’t send that

MeetMyCat · 09/11/2025 18:14

Sorry OP, that message is grim. Just keep it short, as per all the other suggestions

DetectiveDouche · 09/11/2025 18:16

It's incredibly 'poor me', but, and I really don't want to be disrespectful, but can't quite see a way around it, I suspect you know that .. and that everyone is going to shriek "eeek no, don't send that!". Which begs the question.. why? I think you might benefit from some counselling before entering the dating game.

shhblackbag · 09/11/2025 18:16

Owly11 · 09/11/2025 17:40

This isn't real. Stop wasting everyone's time. Why on earth would a complete stranger want to hear your unfiltered stream of consciousness?

This is why we have dairies or go to therapy. If you're still thinking about a boy 'breaking your little heart' at 8, please get therapy.

Fancyteacup · 09/11/2025 18:16

Oh my lord please do not send this

Notchangingnameagain · 09/11/2025 18:17

Hi Steve, it’s Kate, How are you? I hope you have had a nice weekend. If you are free one night next week, would you like to pop round for a drink? (After 7.30pm when the kids are in bed). Hope to see you soon x

Frenchfrychic · 09/11/2025 18:18

waterrat · 09/11/2025 17:43

Op just as a tip - never, ever tell a man you have low self esteem - unless you are already in a deeply trusting relationship with them

You are literally asking them to be abusive.

You need therapy.

Agree and any many who likes that sort of thing needs to be avoided like the plague. When they want vulnerable women then th4 reason is never ever good.

Frenchfrychic · 09/11/2025 18:18

Notchangingnameagain · 09/11/2025 18:17

Hi Steve, it’s Kate, How are you? I hope you have had a nice weekend. If you are free one night next week, would you like to pop round for a drink? (After 7.30pm when the kids are in bed). Hope to see you soon x

Don’t invite him to your home and when your kids are in bed.

i mean who does that!!