Long winded text I've written to send to a man I like, thoughts?!

[BeBe05]

Hi T , because I've felt like this since last December. Would you like to come over for a drink some time? (When the kids are in bed) I know you probably won't , but just in case you do want to get to know me better, I thought I'd ask. As I know this is awkward. If you don't reply I'll take it as a no. And when I next see you , please be the same as before , although I may laugh. Because that's what I do when I'm embarrassed. Also, please don't tell anyone either way.
Also, I'm guessing no. Feels like when I was 8 years old and I told a boy called Lawrence in my class I Iiked him, I was so innocent. He called me a pig and broke my little heart. I still am innocent. I feel this maybe this again but hopefully without you calling me a pig. A thing I've made up in my head, because you are a polite man who doesn't gruff at me and surprises me when you talk from your heart. I've.not been use to that apart from with my brother's . P never would. Also, he would call me expletives most days, so any man not doing that would unfortunately gain my interest. God what an essay.
Don't reply please as I know it's completely crazy .
Also, just so you know every time you waved hello at me in the morning on the school run in your van. You made a woman who had so low self esteem feel just a little bit better about herself. Like she mattered enough to be noticed. Thanks for that.
And, also please don't be weird with me after this , as I really was hoping to ask you if you could help with the training at school (if your doing that) as my younger two go to bed at 7:30 .
Anyway , have a nice evening , and also thanks for how much you give to L at football, your a good guy.

This. I'd go so far as to add a cuppa/wine

Good luck op 🍀

This was better than your first attempt 😀. Keep it brief.

Likewise if you see him face to face, ask him! Failing that l usually find that if take your knickers off and throw them at someone, they take the hint! I’ll probably get slut shamed by someone for saying this.

Good luck OP. ❤️

Good for you.

Also, be aware of men who display traits of white knight syndrome because a relationship with that sort of person quickly becomes unbalanced and very bad (speaking from experience).
Edit to say, I don’t think the man you like has these traits, based on what you’ve said. But for future reference, research this so you can recognise anyone like it … because you are very vulnerable and may attract that type.

But I'm guessing that might be just something he has said to me as a sort of apology for not replying to my texts before.

So, he said he'd come and help me with some DIY, I waited and waited and he just kept standing me up, in the end I gave up.

OP - I'm going to go against the grain of what everyone else is saying but I really don't think this man is interested in you and I would not be texting him or asking him out. If he was interested he would have jumped at the opportunity to come round and help you out. And anxiety or not, you don't just ignore the texts of someone you like.

But he waved at me again on the way home, he took the effort to do that.

Oh come on. I wave at the postman every day. Because I know him. And it would be rude not to.

Agreed. And it doesn’t even have to be ‘bad’ to be unbalanced.

My well-meaning but blinkered BiL always been a bit like this, ‘rescuing’ very volatile or fragile women. He then married one of them, and their relationship is a deeply unbalanced one, with his wife being the delicate, weepy, non-coping flower, and him encouraging her to retreat to bed at the drop of a hat, and sort of fetishising her inability to cope with the world. Unsurprisingly, being treated like a Victorian invalid has made her far more unable to cope with the world. I don’t think it’s done either of them, or their children, any favours.

Definitely not white knight syndrome. The opposite, aloof bad boy with a good heart. Who will on occasion play with my younger boys too , as I'll older boys are friends . Guessing it's all nothing to do with me and his kindness is just an upbringing thing. This whole thread has completely made me believe he does not like me.

Please don’t.

He waves when he doesn't have too. Pick me out in a crowd. Like at a sports day where he could easily ignore me , he beelines for me and makes a special point of making contact.

@BeBe05 you were considering pouring your heart to him out 24hrs ago.

If you are certain he's single and you want to see if there's more to this friendship, why don't you just ask him if he's free for a drink one night?

At least then you'll know either way!

Send him a text.

Agreed. You are swinging from
one extreme to the other OP.
Maybe ask him if he fancies grabbing a coffee during the day rather than coming round for a drink? If he’s not interested then you won’t have embarrassed yourself by going too over the top.

Agreed! But I suppose I know it will come to nothing , even if my heart wants more

Why don’t you just ask him out when you see him, coffee, wine whatever. It seems like you see him often. The worst he would say is no. You don’t need the ott text.

After reading the rest of your posts I think you need to get some help and get your head sorted before you start trying to get into a relationship. Reading so much into another parent saying hello to you at sports day isn't healthy. Neither is trying to persuade someone to date you by leading with excessive vulnerability and fragility. When you're ready for a real relationship, you don't start off by getting them to feel sorry for you.

BUT he's let you down when he said he'd come and do DIY, ignored your texts and not made any 'move' on you.

Maybe he's a really nasty man who knows you have the hots for him and he's just being a tease? Maybe he feels guilty over not showing up to do the DIY and this is his way of saving face- friendly waves.

He maybe isn't making a beeline for you. You're saying that to yourself.

Please - he's not interested. If he was he'd have come round to do the DIY or even asked you out for a coffee.

If men are interested, they show it. I'm sorry but like a recent poster has said, you need some basic lessons in 'relationships' if you are to avoid getting hurt.
Having these crushes on a man who is clearly not feeling the same is unhealthy.

He waves when he doesn't have too. Pick me out in a crowd. Like at a sports day where he could easily ignore me , he beelines for me and makes a special point of making contact.

This reminds me of films (or real life) where school girls have crushes on a teacher.

They convince themselves that 'sir' is looking at them in a special way, picking them out, has feelings for them and fantasise about a relationship developing.

And it's always all in their heads (or should be!)

I think so, I grew up in a house with domestic violence. Have only had one relationship which has just ended after 20years and him being verbally abusive and coercive for two years and controlling to some degree the whole time even though it's taken me a while to realise that. It took a lot to get him to leave, and it wasn't nice. I've clung on to this man as a fantasy for me to survive , to keep going. I think I see now, it's all been in my head. He is a acquaintance who I like. The hard part is he lives five doors down , and yes I see him nearly every day. The kindness you have all shown me, has been like therapy. And even if I've swung from this way to that , it's all been honest.
The really strange part, is that a big part of me wants to tell him all this, because actually when I have spoken deeply to him , he's been one of the few men who understand. Anyway, this could go on and on!

Best not to let any man know you're vulnerable, it attracts abusers.

I'm surprised at replies suggesting you invite a man into your kids home for a date, and to tell him your kids are home in their beds. Obvious safeguarding screams this is a terrible idea.

But you don’t know this for sure! If you certain he’s single then a coffee invitation is a great way to test the water.

“Hey Bert do you fancy going for a coffee?”

Then say nothing. Definitely don’t start backtracking or apologising.

If he says yes, great! If he says no, stick your tongue out at him and tell him you didn’t really like him anyway. <kidding>

I’m normally in the ‘wait to be asked’ camp but when someone’s really got it bad, suggesting a coffee can’t go too disastrously wrong. It’s not hard to come back from ,if he declines

The hard part is he lives five doors down , and yes I see him nearly every day. The kindness you have all shown me, has been like therapy. And even if I've swung from this way to that , it's all been honest.
The really strange part, is that a big part of me wants to tell him all this, because actually when I have spoken deeply to him , he's been one of the few men who understand. Anyway, this could go on and on!

I'm really sorry you've had such a tough life @BeBe05 brought up with abuse and marrying / partner the same.

I don't know if you have ever had counselling but it's worth thinking about. I've also seen here posts about the Freedom Program (online?) for women like you to help you recover.

Please don't share your thought with this man. The truth is he's not shown you much kindness - he's stood you up when he said he'd do DIY and ignored you. If he's a neighbour and you 'see' each other every day, he's had a lot of chances to ask you for a coffee. He's not- so what does that tell you?

You say you have already 'spoken to him deeply' - when and what about? That doesn't come over in any of your other posts . Have you been off loading to him about your unhappiness or something like that? If so, he may have nodded and said he understood but it's hard for anyone else to know if he was just being polite.

Just leave this- if a man is interested, even if he is shy- he'll make the effort.

Work on yourself so you are more confident.

Unless/until you like yourself it is really irrelevant if he likes you or not.
You've been through a lot, you have to heal. This guy isn't going to be the answer to all that.
Seriously, invest in therapy, good effective therapy.
Once you like yourself, (and stop putting yourself down), then you can invite someone (maybe this guy, maybe someone a million miles better) to share it with you.

Agree with this. I didn’t realise how close in proximity he was to you OP. Good advice here. Low self esteem and a history of abuse and trauma will make your expectations of men exceptionally low and you yourself feel undeserving of anyone better.