Long winded text I've written to send to a man I like, thoughts?!

[BeBe05]

Hi T , because I've felt like this since last December. Would you like to come over for a drink some time? (When the kids are in bed) I know you probably won't , but just in case you do want to get to know me better, I thought I'd ask. As I know this is awkward. If you don't reply I'll take it as a no. And when I next see you , please be the same as before , although I may laugh. Because that's what I do when I'm embarrassed. Also, please don't tell anyone either way.
Also, I'm guessing no. Feels like when I was 8 years old and I told a boy called Lawrence in my class I Iiked him, I was so innocent. He called me a pig and broke my little heart. I still am innocent. I feel this maybe this again but hopefully without you calling me a pig. A thing I've made up in my head, because you are a polite man who doesn't gruff at me and surprises me when you talk from your heart. I've.not been use to that apart from with my brother's . P never would. Also, he would call me expletives most days, so any man not doing that would unfortunately gain my interest. God what an essay.
Don't reply please as I know it's completely crazy .
Also, just so you know every time you waved hello at me in the morning on the school run in your van. You made a woman who had so low self esteem feel just a little bit better about herself. Like she mattered enough to be noticed. Thanks for that.
And, also please don't be weird with me after this , as I really was hoping to ask you if you could help with the training at school (if your doing that) as my younger two go to bed at 7:30 .
Anyway , have a nice evening , and also thanks for how much you give to L at football, your a good guy.

My son would probably melt too if he got a text like that!

It is ok to have written all this out. Lots of us do that. It gets ideas clear in our heads etc. Now you can write the text that simply asks him if he fancies popping in for a drink sometime. There is nothing wrong is asking him, and I think you should go for it.

Or maybe suggest catching up somewhere not at home...a coffee shop maybe...but still go for it!

Just write the following:

"Hey, I hope you're well. Would you like to have a drink together sometime?"

:)

Next time you see him just ask if he fancies going for a coffee sometime!

it’s good you have written that as it will have got it out but please don’t send it. Instead, find something specific like a gig or an exhibition to go to and invite him along.

No.
Just send a short message and ask him out. If he doesn’t reply you have your answer. If he agrees to meet up, you can ask him verbally (depending on how many dates you’ve been on) if he’s interested in pursuing something with you.

In my experience, if a guy wants to pursue you, you will know. Don’t chase.

That’s really a concern, as that message shows someone with signficant issues. I’d be very concerned about the person. I’d certainly not be thrilled. Nor would I melt. I’d be worried for their mental health. Asking someone out and using it as an opportunity to tell them about being abused my men, called a pig, sworn at etc is nothing to be thrilled about.

I've decided I'm just gonna ask him face to face, casually (😭). If an opportunity arises (that's where the frustration lies as never see him on his own!) but maybe it will come up , if I'm patient. I know he's anxious because his friends have told me , he himself hasn't said that. Only that he doesn't like texting, and that he's not good at it. So I think the anxiety of asking this in a text would be daft. Who knows probably be another year before I get the right moment to ask 🤣
You're all stars for replying ❤️

Could you maybe find a reason to phone him when the kids are not around, maybe call him about something to do with football, and then slip the drink suggestion into the conversation?

This could also be better in that if he says no in some way you can take the future awkward down by responding something like ‘yeah no worries then, I don’t get to hang out with friends too much so thought it would be nice’

Is he single?

I was wondering this.

@BeBe05 do you know for sure that he is actually single?

Pretty sure, although he is private, he definitely has no one serious even if he is dating.

No one is so anxious about texting op they can’t respond with a yes or no sorry busy. No one. Assuming he’s literate. Face to face is way way more awkward

just message him, about whatever, ie the training, and then say oh and fancy a drink sometime.

I do think it is important to know whether he is single before you make a move. You do not want to be tempting a man into infidelity and setting yourself up to become the other woman.
Please do your research first.

OP has known him for six years and he is a friend @Mischance

Surely this is a wind up.

he’d run for the hills

I did think that too!

Sounds like you were just overthinking it OP

That he would just reply, to texts, so yeah maybe an excuse. But then his friends did say it was true!

But there is not responding to texts at one end of the spectrum and not liking texting so being late and brief.

honesltly I’d do it on text, are you worried he doesn’t want to so will ignore your text then use he doesn’t like texting as an excuse. The thing is if he’s interested he will respond. No matter how anxious.

That's weird.

Don't be weird.

Absolutely not. It will give him the ick.

Why don’t you still ask him to do the training and thank him for all he has done to his face and tell him he is a good guy. If I was a man I would be chuffed to know someone felt this way about me.

I have never been good at this sort of thing so have no advice on how to proceed. Others on here should be more helpful.

One thing I do know is that relationships suffer when you feel so bad about yourself. If you feel such low self esteem you might need help to build that up. Counselling would help. If it is too expensive google low cost counselling in your area. Good luck!

I agree.

Unless you're getting strong hints that someone is into you, then asking them out face to face is a bold move and could make the rejection more embarrassing (although kudos to anyone who is brave enough to do it). If he is an anxious person, as his friends say he is, then he may also not appreciate being put on the spot.

Much less risky to send a breezy text message 'Hey T, hope you had a good weekend. Was wondering if you fancied meeting for a coffee this weekend/drink one evening?'* No matter how 'bad at texting' someone is, if they receive a message like this from a potential romantic partner that they are interested in, they will reply.

*I'm also in the camp of not inviting him into your home. If you're interested in pursuing a relationship, it sets the wrong tone.