Long winded text I've written to send to a man I like, thoughts?!

[BeBe05]

Hi T , because I've felt like this since last December. Would you like to come over for a drink some time? (When the kids are in bed) I know you probably won't , but just in case you do want to get to know me better, I thought I'd ask. As I know this is awkward. If you don't reply I'll take it as a no. And when I next see you , please be the same as before , although I may laugh. Because that's what I do when I'm embarrassed. Also, please don't tell anyone either way.
Also, I'm guessing no. Feels like when I was 8 years old and I told a boy called Lawrence in my class I Iiked him, I was so innocent. He called me a pig and broke my little heart. I still am innocent. I feel this maybe this again but hopefully without you calling me a pig. A thing I've made up in my head, because you are a polite man who doesn't gruff at me and surprises me when you talk from your heart. I've.not been use to that apart from with my brother's . P never would. Also, he would call me expletives most days, so any man not doing that would unfortunately gain my interest. God what an essay.
Don't reply please as I know it's completely crazy .
Also, just so you know every time you waved hello at me in the morning on the school run in your van. You made a woman who had so low self esteem feel just a little bit better about herself. Like she mattered enough to be noticed. Thanks for that.
And, also please don't be weird with me after this , as I really was hoping to ask you if you could help with the training at school (if your doing that) as my younger two go to bed at 7:30 .
Anyway , have a nice evening , and also thanks for how much you give to L at football, your a good guy.

If posters read all of OPs updates it will be clear that she decided not to send the text yesterday and is going to wait for the right moment to ask him for a drink face to face

He also suffers from low self Esteem and says he doesn't like texting. But I'm guessing that might be just something he has said to me as a sort of apology for not replying to my texts before.

I missed this.

What have you said in previous texts?

Why did you text him then?

She also said it might take her a year!

Don't send this text. Enough with the only if you want to vibe. Be strong and just ask him. If he doesn't want to he'll say so.

If you've sent texts before and he hasn't answered then he's not interested. Him not liking texting is just an excuse. If he was interested in you he would have said something like "Hi, I don't really like communicating by text so do you fancy going for a coffee sometime?"

Do not send the message you wrote above. If you are going to send him something write, "Hi T, was wondering if you fancied meeting up for a coffee/drink sometime?". Then he'll either reply and say yes, make some excuse or not reply and then you'll know.

If you wait until you get an opportunity to ask in person that opportunity might never come and you are then investing too much energy and too many thoughts into something that's never going to happen. It's better to ask and get an answer and then move on if it's a no.
It's taken me a long time to learn that. Too much time wasted getting chewed up over men who just weren't interested.

Jesus NO, I got bored after the first couple of lines !

The relief i felt reading the update she hadnt sent it was palpable!!!
😅

I like @newnamehereonceagain s message

Don't send this text - you'll regret it at length.
You sound in a vulnerable place at the moment.
This is an invitation to be taken advantage of and unfortunately there are no shortage of men happy to oblige.
You're idealizing this guy - go out and meet people face to face.

Cancel the cheque!

Okay, now I'm too invested in this. OP, please stop overthinking and putting so much pressure on what needs to be just a simple text. Text him about getting a drink so you can know once and for all of there is potential or not. You'll feel much better.

I urge you to do your upmost best to get past this. He is not interested. He doesn't text you back. Do not text him again.

I’m relieved to know you did not send this. It’s far far too self deprecating.

Back yourself, girl.

Don’t make it seem like he’s doing you a favour by throwing you a bone!

Confidence is attractive to men

Do not send that. It goes back and forth with you negatively guessing his thoughts. He won’t even understand if you want him to reply or not. It comes across as very anxious and messy.

— to see you haven’t sent it. Phew

Bringing up an ex in an opening message is WILD. Absolutely not. If a guy started slagging off his ex (however abusive she had been) I would be SO put off and assume he needed to speak to a therapist

OP, you sound so lovely, honestly I would not worry about over explaining yourself so much.

Here is what the middle aged mum in me would say to this scenario.
If he wanted to, he would have moved mountains to make that happen, he would have arranged to see you, and get to know you way sooner, and not let a whole year or more go by.

I also think that as you have known one another for some years, that he may have seen things, or heard you over time, that he may not be interested enough to open the door for romance with you. I know that is harsh, but dont let a tough period steer you in the direction of someone who is not good for you.

Loneliness can make us do some really cringe things, like text someone we like, I have done that, we all have, but I feel you need to step aside from this scenario and really see this man for who he is. Not replying to your texts, (I am not sure what the nature of the text are) its shows a lack of respect in my honest opinion, if he liked you, you would be replied to at the first opportunity.

Sounds like he is not as much into you as you are in him, and it has zero to do with who you are, or the value of you.

No, this would make you look completely nuts.

How about, "Hey, how are you? Do you fancy coming over for a drink and a movie on Friday?"

Could you word it 'let me know if you fancy a drink sometime' so then he's not put on the spot? Rather than it being an immediate yes/no type question 'do you...'.

It's then more casual if he ignores, or says no.

This has been in your head for ages, not his.

This. It sounds utterly desperate and so low. I’m so sorry you feel like this. Please do lots of work on yourself first before dating to love yourself. You deserve someone who will adore you.

It's coming up to Christmas. Use that as an excuse to invite him.

This.

Also, inviting someone to your house for - what would potentially be - a first date is odd and sounds like you just want sex.

If a man invited a woman round to their house "after the kids were in bed" for a date, everyone would be screaming at them not to do it.

If you do ask him out, please just go to a pub / coffee shop.

The poor man would run a mile!

I think you’re self sabotaging on some level rather than actually being vulnerable enough to pursue realistic dating. You’re doing a big, inappropriate emotional dump which I think if you’re honest you know will scare him away, and then it’s a foregone conclusion rather than actually letting it run its course.

That's interesting.

I think what you're saying is the OP seems to be encouraging a rejection that will confirm her feelings of worthlessness .

Setting herself up for a (another) fall so she can continue in the 'comfort' of her own insecurity.

Rather than tackling her real issues, she's setting out to chase a man who appears unavailable (by his behavi.our so far)

And there is no way you should invite him over for a drink once the kids are in bed.

That screams 'I'm desperate, I'm up for sex'

You may as well wave your knickers at him and give him a knowing wink.

Well, or her judgement is a bit askew, and she thinks her text message is appealing and authentic and ‘just who she is’?

Ok, alot more advice. The thing is I have insane life, it's so noisy and horrible. Kids screaming everywhere. Work , with undermining colleagues And maybe. I would just like a hook up when their in bed, with someone who talks from his heart and has lovely manners most of the time, so yeah I am being manipulative, and in a way I thought it might work. As I said before I'm lonely, and I like him , alot. But yeah could definitely be limerence, or it could be real. Who knows. But he waved at me again on the way home, he took the effort to do that, and I can barely look at him. All he would see is a middle aged woman who is trying to cross the road with too many kids. This has been like a therapy, and I'm grateful . But actually, I just want someone to want me . And I'm pretty sure he will want someone sexier , he also follows all these models on Facebook, so not quite as perfect as I'm trying to make him. So yes, I'm behaving deranged and desperate. But it's like I don't care , because actually your all right, I don't care , I just want to be desired, and it's highly likely he doesn't ,just a fantasy , I've created with a real person in my life. But weirdly I think if I told him that he'd get it. As he says one thing and then often does another , and everyone I've asked says it's because of his anxiety. So, he said he'd come and help me with some DIY, I waited and waited and he just kept standing me up, in the end I gave up. So yeah , he's a hot messed up challenge and this is wrong.
Thanks again, all a bit too much now and even I'm bored of my self indulgent twaddle now.