Long winded text I've written to send to a man I like, thoughts?!

[BeBe05]

Hi T , because I've felt like this since last December. Would you like to come over for a drink some time? (When the kids are in bed) I know you probably won't , but just in case you do want to get to know me better, I thought I'd ask. As I know this is awkward. If you don't reply I'll take it as a no. And when I next see you , please be the same as before , although I may laugh. Because that's what I do when I'm embarrassed. Also, please don't tell anyone either way.
Also, I'm guessing no. Feels like when I was 8 years old and I told a boy called Lawrence in my class I Iiked him, I was so innocent. He called me a pig and broke my little heart. I still am innocent. I feel this maybe this again but hopefully without you calling me a pig. A thing I've made up in my head, because you are a polite man who doesn't gruff at me and surprises me when you talk from your heart. I've.not been use to that apart from with my brother's . P never would. Also, he would call me expletives most days, so any man not doing that would unfortunately gain my interest. God what an essay.
Don't reply please as I know it's completely crazy .
Also, just so you know every time you waved hello at me in the morning on the school run in your van. You made a woman who had so low self esteem feel just a little bit better about herself. Like she mattered enough to be noticed. Thanks for that.
And, also please don't be weird with me after this , as I really was hoping to ask you if you could help with the training at school (if your doing that) as my younger two go to bed at 7:30 .
Anyway , have a nice evening , and also thanks for how much you give to L at football, your a good guy.

Can you suggest a coffee? Are you sure he isn't dating anybody... have you asked OP?

Or new text idea
Unless you want to drink wine and fuck me can you stop waving at me and saying hello, vulnerable insane woman who you make melt. Thanks S
This is obviously completely ridiculous, but where I'm at. 🤣

He sounds flaky, and I don't mean this to sound unkind, but the last thing you need is to get involved with someone who has low self esteem and anxiety. Two people in a relationship with the same issues is a recipe for disaster.
You've obviously built him up to be the perfect guy for you based on very little. I get being lonely and sexually frustrated, but I honestly don't think he's the answer to your problems.

Or how about 'do you fancy a drink sometime?'. You may be embarrassed if he says no, but at least you're not running the risk of your message being shared around multiple groups and you being made a laughing stock.

OP, I mean this in a kind way....chill.

You have 3 options here;

1. Text him asking him does he want to go for a drink sometime.
2. Ask him in person
3. Do nothing & continue building this fantasy in your head.

You like him so I'd just go for it.
If you don't feel comfortable doing it in person, send the text.
Gives him a chance to consider too.

But most of all. Keep. It. Simple. 🙏💐

After your update recently OP I think more than ever that you avoid taking this further.

There are many reasons.

1 Don't 'use' this man as a FWB just because you are unhappy with your life at the moment. That's unlikely to make you happy. Unless you are both in agreement that this is what you want.

2 You do not know him. You are infatuated (I prefer that word to the newer 'limerence'.)

3 You have created a romantic version of him in your head because he waves at you. (He might wave at anyone he sees when he's driving.)

4 You don't know he's well mannered- only within the narrow context of your meetings around kids football or whatever it is.

Spend your energy on perhaps finding a new job if you hate it. If you really want sex go online and find a FWB who wants the same.

Do not pester this man because if you did have sex, a ONS, and it all went badly wrong, how would that play out when you see him with your kids etc? It would be very very awkward.

I still suggest you consider therapy around your self-worth .

Let me get this right... He offered to do some DIY for you but kept letting you down, he doesn't reply to your texts, and yet you're grasping onto the fact he 'made the effort' to wave at you today? And using his 'anxiety' (which didn't even come from him, it came from his mates) as a way of explaining his behaviours.

I do think (and I think you do to) you've invested in the idea of this man. I know you've said you've known him 6 years, but that isn't the same as having a friendship with someone. How well do you actually know him? And could you possibly have him on a pedestal?

Do you have close friend you can say all of this to?

As he says one thing and then often does another , and everyone I've asked says it's because of his anxiety. So, he said he'd come and help me with some DIY, I waited and waited and he just kept standing me up, in the end I gave up. So yeah , he's a hot messed up challenge and this is wrong.

This ^^ tells you everything.

Please listen to what he's telling you without him saying it.

He's not the lovely man you've created in your head.
He's unreliable, two-faced, possibly anxious (or maybe uses that as an excuse.)

You will only find someone who loves you once you love yourself.
Do some work on yourself so you value who you are.

Stop putting yourself in the gutter, being 'ever so grateful 'for any man who looks at you and creating a romantic fantasy on it.

And I'd really suggest talking to a good friend because you need to make this 'real' not just posts online to people who don't know you.

You can't seriously read anything into someone waving at you. Come on.

I’ve not read the full thread, just your updates. I gather it’s someone you know vaguely, a bit of history between you, and he waves at you when he sees you?

Could you message him something like - ‘Nice to see you earlier/yesterday. Shame we never get chance for a chat. Let me know if you fancy a drink some time x

Similar happened to me in 2009. I had the world's biggest crush on my son's football coach. I was single and, yes, wanted sex. I'd been single since my son had been born 10 years earlier.

I was absolutely convinced he was getting ready to ask me out. I started doing my hair and makeup for weekend training and matches, etc. I even lost a friend because he was ALL I could talk about. The coach then joined my gym, and of course I convinced myself it was because of me. (I am cringeing typing this, my God, I was so stupid back then)

I then decided I'd ask him out myself, so "strong" were the "signals" from him. Right before I did this, I thought I'd check his Facebook. OMG am I glad I did! He was so in love with his WIFE it was impossible. Every picture was of them totally loved up, on their holidays, surrounded by their THREE SONS. I could have made a real fool of myself and nearly embarrassed my son in the bargain. A

Are you sure this guy is single? Not saying he is or isn't, but it's easy to read stuff into it when we have a strong crush on someone. Just heed my tale is all I'm saying! I'm in my early 50s and this is my first post here, and I am full of embarrassing stories from my 30s!

Is there any way you could access some counselling for yourself, @BeBe05 ?

You seem so completely lost and all over the place. I think talking to an experienced therapist would really help you get your thoughts straight and let go of this fantasy. A fantasy that is not only stopping you from living your life in a meaningful way but is actually damaging you.

I don’t think you should ever date anyone. Ever.

I’m not convinced the OP needs therapy! Just summarise her messaging a bit. And find out if he’s single or not

You can't have read her posts very carefully if that's your take on it all!

Why do your ideas have to be all so dramatic?
Why can't you just ask him if he fancies a drink some time?
No need for the rest of the nonsense. No need for the "vulnerable insane woman" shite. If he's an unscrupulous type he might find that attractive for all the wrong reasons.

"Hi, wondering if you fancied going for a drink some time?"
Then you will have your answer either way and that will be the end of it.

You are infatuated with him, these days people use the term limerant. Limerance or infatuation grows if you feed it. You need to put a stop to it and that can be done by asking a clear question and getting a clear answer.

I’m just not convinced therapy is necessary for every situation, it seems a very American stance

What’s ‘American’ about suggesting that someone who self-characterises as ‘insane and vulnerable’, visibly has terrible self-esteem, thinks that telling a man she wants to sleep with exactly how desperate and vulnerable she is is a good approach, and is running to the internet to ask advice on her approach (to mention only the tip of the iceberg) might want to talk things through with a professional?

Hi OP. Bloke here.
You sound a lovely person, but please do not send that. Men, unless they are of the controlling toss-pot type, do not find that level of vulnerability attractive. It would scare most men off.
Just say ‘Hi [name], would you like to come for a drink and some snacks at my place on [insert day and time - i.e. be decisive and assertive]?
That is all. The end.
He will then reply saying yes.
What happens next is up to you.

You're right.
Not every situation.
But some. Like OP's.

Sorry but you seem unable to understand the extent of the OP's issues and it's not clear if you've actually read all her posts carefully.

A trivial detail. 😀

I’ve read the whole thread from from start to finish and still think the majority of people can run their lives without needing therapy

OP - no, just no.

all you need to put is ‘wanna pop around for cuppa one night next week?’

Harsh but kinda accurate 😬

Give him a Christmas card wishing him a happy Christmas and if he fancies a Christmas drink, please let me know. Add your phone number. Job done.

If he is interested he will contact you, if not, at least you know and can get on with your life.