Long winded text I've written to send to a man I like, thoughts?!

[BeBe05]

Hi T , because I've felt like this since last December. Would you like to come over for a drink some time? (When the kids are in bed) I know you probably won't , but just in case you do want to get to know me better, I thought I'd ask. As I know this is awkward. If you don't reply I'll take it as a no. And when I next see you , please be the same as before , although I may laugh. Because that's what I do when I'm embarrassed. Also, please don't tell anyone either way.
Also, I'm guessing no. Feels like when I was 8 years old and I told a boy called Lawrence in my class I Iiked him, I was so innocent. He called me a pig and broke my little heart. I still am innocent. I feel this maybe this again but hopefully without you calling me a pig. A thing I've made up in my head, because you are a polite man who doesn't gruff at me and surprises me when you talk from your heart. I've.not been use to that apart from with my brother's . P never would. Also, he would call me expletives most days, so any man not doing that would unfortunately gain my interest. God what an essay.
Don't reply please as I know it's completely crazy .
Also, just so you know every time you waved hello at me in the morning on the school run in your van. You made a woman who had so low self esteem feel just a little bit better about herself. Like she mattered enough to be noticed. Thanks for that.
And, also please don't be weird with me after this , as I really was hoping to ask you if you could help with the training at school (if your doing that) as my younger two go to bed at 7:30 .
Anyway , have a nice evening , and also thanks for how much you give to L at football, your a good guy.

OP, please don't ever do yourself down in any way. You are too good for that.
You sound really nice. And, always remember YOU'RE THE PRIZEl

I’m not sure exactly what you mean about him helping you with the training (so this might not be completely the right context), but how about just writing/saying:

’Hi, I was wondering if you’d like to meet up sometime to talk about the training. No worries if you can’t though!’

That way it’s casual and you’ve got yourself covered for if he’s not interested (ie you were just asking for help with the training, not necessarily asking him out romantically). & if he is interested romantically then he’ll probably jump at the chance!

I don’t even have a penis and mine shrivelled just reading that. Please don’t send it.

Hi @BeBe05
There are some things contained in your text which lead me to think that this man does like you.
A thing I've made up in my head, because you are a polite man who doesn't gruff at me and surprises me when you talk from your heart. I've.not been use to that apart from with my brothers.
Uninterested men don’t usually bother to talk from their heart to a woman or wave. They’d be more likely to pretend they hadn’t seen you. Take a little bit of confidence from that. I know how hard it is to break out of your natural shyness and vulnerability but all you need to do is focus on what you hope to achieve with the text and where you want it to go, ie an invitation to get together. What happened to you in the past needs to be dealt with. Only you can fix it. Find some self help books or sign up for nhs talking therapies. You need to work on all that. You don’t need to have all your privacy and vulnerabilities laid bare to a potential new boyfriend. This is a difficult thing to achieve, so focus on that. If he is interested in seeing you, as time goes on and with trust in place, you can gradually open up about things. You need to heal yourself though, no one else can fix you.
The text reads as though you have open wounds and you’re asking him not to rub salt in them. It’s quite shocking really.
The pp’s post that used Ai to compose an alternative text was actually very good. I hope it all goes well.

This has got to be a piss take.

🤣 excellent reference!!

He sounds as if he has issues himself!

He's anxious- so his friends say (why would they talk about him like that to you?)
He doesn't like texting

TBH if a man is interested in you, he'll make the effort.

I'd not ask him for a drink. The very most I'd suggest would be a coffee after the footie training or whatever.

BUT if you're on his radar, the odds are he's not interested.

Do not send that. It's insane.

Just say 'hey, if you're about on X day, do you fancy a coffee/drink?'

You need to stop this infatuation with a man you hardly know- it's coming over as almost stalking.

If you want to date someone, go about it in a more mature way. That means meting men through your hobbies or work, or online if that's the only option.

But first you need to work on your self esteem and stop thinking of yourself in the ways that you appear to here. Talking about a negative experience when you were 7 or 8 is quite worrying that it's still impacting on you.

Have you thought of having some counselling?

Keep it reigned in. Just ask if he fancies a drink. It shouldn’t be hard work for either of you. He doesn’t need to know about the time you threw up after being on the waltzers when you were 6, just in case that makes him change his mind, and he certainly doesn’t need to know about all the times you’ve been told no by a boy and how scared you are he will say no too.

Apart from anything else it is manipulative. Not saying it’s intentional, but it is.

Oh god. No. No. NO.
I am cringing myself inside out.

"Hi T. Just wondering if you'd fancy coming over for a drink one night after the kids bedtime?"

Then just stop. No follow up, no elaboration. No not, I repeat do NOT send any of what you just wrote!!!!

I think I would just ask him casually in person about a specific date or thing to do together. It lets him know you’re keen to see him on a one to one basis.. but also gives him the opportunity to say no he’s busy without an outright rejection and then the awkwardness. If he genuinely is busy but wants to take this further he’ll suggest another date or ask you to do something another time.

honesltly I’d do it on text, are you worried he doesn’t want to so will ignore your text then use he doesn’t like texting as an excuse. The thing is if he’s interested he will respond. No matter how anxious.

I agree with this. Maybe send a Whatsapp, so you can see if its been read or not. If he is interested, he will definitely reply.

DONT ask him to come to yours for a drink. It sounds like “ come over and shag me “.

Ask him to go OUT for a drink one night next week. Then if he doesn’t want to , it’s easy for him to say “ Thanks but I’m busy with work / coaching next week”.

If he’s interested , he will follow up with “ but I could do the next week, do you fancy trying that new indian place in town / The crown and anchor does great food / whatever “.

DONT INVITE HIM BACK FOR SEX, however much you fancy him. Wait until you know him better. You really DONT want a one night stand with someone you will have to go On seeing regularly, it will be way to awkward.

Keep it very casual, no sex just dates. I know this is hard if you have low self esteem , as you do ( I say this kindly ). Men will not value you if you don’t value yourself.

Without reading the whole of this thread, for the LOVE of GOD please tell me this is a unanimous NO do not send that text!

you can text him! just not that long essay!

I didn't read it... too long and mental.

Please don't send a whole essay. A short bright and breezy text makes you seem normal not desperately needy!

He is a man so he will not be interested in reading and digesting all that shite.

Invite him for a drink if you want to. But the text message does not need to be any more than 20 words.

Completely agree with the comments saying keep it to the offer of a drink and take it from there in person - texts can be risky with tone and misunderstanding at the best of times!

...says he doesn't like texting. But I'm guessing that might be just something he has said to me as a sort of apology for not replying to my texts before.

You've texted him before and he hasn't replied? I'd be considering what that says about his level of interest. Maybe be a bit cautious here.

Can you find a reason to text him? Maybe about football or something, and then ask him how his weekend was? I think it would be good to get into a bit of casual dialogue with him and then introduce some gentle flirting later and see how he reacts.

Organise christmas drinks for parents invovled with whatever sport the kids are doing. Put some effort in, ie make sure people take it seriously - arrange a venue and make it something people look forward to. Or invite people to your house for drinks, have a little party, and look amazing. And don't be weird or needy, just be confident and chatty. Let him come to you.

Yes. I thought that about the conversations she mentioned.

I'm hoping OP that you work up the courage to speak to him about something or other, and he asks You out!

But please don't ignore the advice of several pps about getting some help in dealing with past traumas as it will work out better for you in the long run.

I think you're massively overthinking everything. You need to work on your self esteem issues.