Was I wrong in this argument? I need outside perspective

[notaurewhatusername]

I came downstairs this morning and saw our baby in just a long-sleeve vest, no trousers. I asked my husband to please put trousers on him in the mornings. He said yes.

I then looked at the thermostat and said it was only 18 degrees (thinking that was the temperature shown). He went over and said it was actually 21 degrees. I got frustrated and said “I don’t give a fuck what temperature it is, can you just put trousers on him - you have trousers on and it’s not that warm.”

He responded by saying I’m either “stupid or a liar” for saying the thermostat was 18 degrees. I genuinely misread it by 3 degrees - I wasn’t lying.
We had a big argument. Later he said he’s nasty to me because I’m nasty to him first. He said he was “minding his own business” and I came in and interrupted his day. He also said he WANTS to hurt me when he says things like I’m stupid or a liar, because I hurt him first.

I keep thinking this is my fault - I shouldn’t have checked the thermostat after he said yes about the trousers. I shouldn’t have sworn. Maybe I provoked this?

Am I wrong here? We keep entering into this vicious cycle, he says I’m a bully and just want him to do as I say when it comes to looking after our son. I think my requests are basic parenting, he sees it as bullying?

All those PPs busily defending the H here seem to have missed the glaring signs of longstanding PREVIOUS bad behaviour of the H:

"He said he intentionally wanted to hurt me by calling me stupid (it’s an ongoing area he often implies I’m stupid and over the years it’s something I’ve internalised. He knows I feel insecure about it but still uses it as a weapon on these arguments)"

This man has LITERALLY said that he wants to hurt his wife. There's a line between REacting - which is what OP did in this circumstance - and acting deliberately - which is what the H is doing. That makes the actions of this guy MUCH worse than the actions of OP.

The defenders of the H also don't seem to notice that the H thinks he's perfectly innocent in all of this.

"He thinks it's all my fault"

This man is convinced of his perceived self-righteousness and aggrievement. He is not a mature person, and that is NOT OP's fault. That's his, all HIS.

And this man also comes from a family where the father is just as pugnacious and dominating as his son, and the mother has been crushed into silence.

OP and this man have a little boy. If OP stays with this immature aggressive man, she'll be crushed too and that little boy will become like his father and GF. Thus the chain will be perpetuated.

OP, I understand that you want to work this out, but marriage takes two. At best you two are incompatible, at worst he is abusive and will get worse. One thing is clear, he will not change; he lacks that capacity.

Divorce is not a bad thing at all. What really is horrible is growing up watching a poisonous relationship between your parents. Don't do that to your kid.