Partner accidentally hurt child

[Sccrumb]

My partner accidentally hurt our child. It led to a big injury for them. He kept blaming our child. They are 3 nearly 4. In my eyes he kept nagging our child all day and wound the child up. It all came to head at bed time. I left them alone for two seconds and our child had hurt him physically and he accidentally hurt them back by reflex.

We are meant to be getting married soon. We live together and also have an older DC and baby. I can't look at him the same despite the fact I know he would never deliberately hurt our children. It was such a scary injury and I couldn't sleep from fear that our child would go downhill over night. He on the other hand, slept quite soundly.

What do I do? Help me. My head is a mess and I'm extremely hormonal being pp.

If you have to spend your whole day telling your partner to walk away from his own children so he doesn’t blow his top there is an issue.

This is no environment for children to be bought up in and no wonder they’re lashing out.

Your poor, poor children. A father who spends an entire day nagging and winding up a three year old, then injures him "seriously" as soon as he is left along with his child and a mother who minimises the whole thing, refuses to get medical care (because you KNOW this is wrong and you would be reported so you have decided to collude with this disgusting specimen of a human) and speaks about the whole incident in some weird disconnected fashion.

You are a disgusting excuse for a mother. You should have taken your child to be checked at the hospital. Your child has been seriously injured by an angry violent man, yet you downplay and minimise this. Vile.

You have said your child has a serious injury, and it’s caused you enough concern to monitor overnight, and yet you have not done the obvious thing a concerned parent would do which is seek proper medical attention. If you had gone to hospital you would have said so rather than saying ‘we got someone medical to look over him’. The only possible reason for this is to protect your partner.

The reflex response is understandable in itself. I have done this a couple of times. I have a condition which causes stomach pain and occasionally one of the kids knees/elbows me in exactly the painful spot. I push them off reflexively just to stop the pain. BUT where my behaviour differs to your husband's:

• I push them just enough to get them off. There is no anger involved. The most the kids have ever been hurt is if they land on a Lego brick.
• If by unlikely chance my gentle push lead to an actual injury needing medical attention, I'd be straight to the hospital and would explain honestly what had happened.
• I parent effectively and don't allow myself to get wound up by the kids so I am never in a situation where my 'push' might be exacerbated by anger or annoyance.
• If they are hurt even slightly (ie Lego brick) I am horrified and apologise to them. I know the fault is mine, even though it's just a pain reflex.

In your shoes I would lay down the law to your husband. Explain that this is completely unacceptable. If it happens again you will take DC straight to hospital and you will be honest about the cause. You will also reconsider your relationship. To avoid this he needs to take action now. Parenting course, coping strategies, and anger management course would be my suggestions. Be clear that this is relationship ending stuff, and that you wouldn't rule out police involvement either.

Good that this was reported.
The injury to the child was deliberate, and there would be others.

This thread reminds me of the recent horrific killings of children carried out by (mostly) fathers whilst the mother stands there and does nothing.

@TheRolyPolyBard thanks for this. It's actually helpful rather than calling me names

He is abusive. Walking away from a child playing up is parenting 101. The absolute baseline response required from all decent mothers and fathers. You need to wake up before someone reports you and him to social services. And if you don’t act now and protect your children (ALL of them) I hope you are reported by a teacher relative or neighbour.

Are you going to tell the truth of what happened?

What do you think the Dr will say?

Also ask yourself why your child “winds up” his dad….where has he learnt this?

Also he is a CHILD

There are different kinds of accidents OP.
This one sounds entirely preventable and you were clearly seeing the risks regarding his mood and volatile attitude all day long. Your boyfriend was snippy and shitty with your little boy all day culminating in him being kicked and and injured.

If he cant control his reflexes and ends up injuring your baby within moments of being unsupervised together, then he isnt safe to be around him.
You need to get real here.
Who are you most responsible for?

💯

please continue your pity party whilst your child is (in your words) seriously injured.

Everyone assuming child is a boy here but op hasn't let the gender slip. Not that it makes any difference, an abused child is an abused child.

@SharpMintUser okay

Disgusting response. Please feel free to post your location and I’ll contact the police/social services/an ambulance myself.

@BeckyAMumsnet what are you going to tell Dr?

You need to answer this question honestly.

And then very carefully think about the outcomes.

Do not lose your child because of a man.

I genuinely hope MNHQ will be.

Instead of engaging with the spiky posts, how about engaging with the actual issue at hand? How are you going to keep your young children safe from a man who can't regulate his temper?

@SharpMintUser sure

I hope you know by protecting this man you can actually be arrested for child neglect as you knew about it and did nothing! Also if social services find out or it happens again you will have your children removed. You need to protect your children and get away from this man asap it wasn’t an accident at all and you know that deep down! Also why have you not taken your child to be seen at the hospital?

OP why are you defending this man? And don't tell us "He's a great Dad"

@PastaAllaNorma I'm just going to leave the thread. Thanks mumsnet yet again. Supporting a pp sleep deprived mum who is suffering with pnd. It's a got a well known name for it

Never heard of this ‘reflex’
make sure you tell the GP everything - they will take the appropriate steps to safeguard your DC