Partner accidentally hurt child

[Sccrumb]

My partner accidentally hurt our child. It led to a big injury for them. He kept blaming our child. They are 3 nearly 4. In my eyes he kept nagging our child all day and wound the child up. It all came to head at bed time. I left them alone for two seconds and our child had hurt him physically and he accidentally hurt them back by reflex.

We are meant to be getting married soon. We live together and also have an older DC and baby. I can't look at him the same despite the fact I know he would never deliberately hurt our children. It was such a scary injury and I couldn't sleep from fear that our child would go downhill over night. He on the other hand, slept quite soundly.

What do I do? Help me. My head is a mess and I'm extremely hormonal being pp.

I think you are delusional. He has hurt your child. Stop defending him by saying it was a reflex. You have said your self you knew something would eventually happen. And it has. Are you going to wait until one of your children are in hospital or dead before you protect them?

Its not projection, its looking out for children.

The fact that you’re already minimising his behaviour by not calling it out tells me you’re a danger to your children as well.

If your child is being neglected by not getting medical attention for the injury as you’ve made it sound serious - then you’re also guilty.

Honestly, women like you really boil my piss.

Take your child for medical care, don’t cover up what happened. And get your children out of that situation. If you want to stay then soon he will be “accidentally injuring” you. You already know this though.

He kicked the kid in retaliation and to teach him a lesson. That's pretty obvious, isn't it?

He's probably had enough of what he sees as "soft parenting" from you, I would bet a pound on, if someone else asked him when you're not around.

He's not safe to be around your children.

Surely, if he hurt his child by accident, he would be upset, moritifed and apologetic. As he doesn't seem at all bothered, I would question his version of events. He doesn't sound safe enough to be around your children.

It's not a coincidence that this incident happened the minute they were left alone together. Especially after a day of being "wound up" by him.

You wouldn't have posted if you thought this was OK and an accident.

His reaction is also very telling. I once accidentally hurt my child badly- he fell off the sofa, and I caught him by his arm as he fell- hurting his shoulder in the process. I felt absolutely wretched, I had tried to help my child and injured him in the process. I did not blame him or minimise what I had done.

You child is fucking THREE years old and his father had caused him a serious injury. You yourself admit he allowed himself to be wound up.

This man didn’t kick your child due to a reflex he kicked him because he is a vicious cunt.

You said you warned him this would happen one day if he didn’t get on top of his anger, that means you have failed to protect your child as you were fully aware he was at risk. While I’m not a fan of throwing blame elsewhere, obviously the man was to blame, you need to understand that you have let your child down so it never happens again. You need to report this abusive cunt and get the fuck away from him. Your child might end up dead if you don’t, and you will be considered complicit.

Thanks to all who reported. OP - we'll be in touch off the boards.

OP, even putting aside the question of physical violence, it is not normal for a parent to be constantly angry at a young child. It is very damaging for a child to grow up surrounded by that level of verbal/emotional aggression.

You've been up all night with the child for the last two nights?

Are you worried that if a doctor looks at him the doctor will ask questions about how this happened?

Who was 'someone medical' who looked at him? Presumably not a doctor or even a nurse?

Hopefully I'm wrong but it sounds like your child is a lot more injured that you want us to believe?

Dad kicked the child causing him to hurt himself and he hurt his dad. That’s not a reflex action. You said yourself he was wound up and angry and you’d warned him he could hurt the child if didn’t take time out. Child gets hurt - badly it seems and you believe it was a reflex action. Sorry but absolute bull. No-one kicks a child in a reflex action. You need to wise up, and get your child away from him.

You have a really bizarre way with words, OP.

@TheAutumnalCrow thank you for that helpful input. Noted

OP, I recently had a leg injury and my young nephew accidentally kicked me in the exact spot. I howled with the pain and burst into tears but it never occurred to me to kick him back or shove him out the way (not even as a ‘reflex’). He’s 4 years old, he didn’t know.

You mention your partner is also angry with the children a lot and ‘winds them up’. Come on now - a well-adjusted, decent man doesn’t ’wind up’ young kids. He sounds like a dangerously angry man.

@littleroundsquares no our child winds him up with their defiant behaviour. My partner doesn't know how to walk away or calm himself down.

He is the adult and this is his job.

You have chosen to not only hide this clear assault but deny your child medical attention.

Tripping over them or shutting a door without seeing their fingers there might be an accident.

Getting angry and kicking a three year old EVEN IF YOU WERE PROVOKED OR DIDN'T PLAN TO CAUSE INJURY is not an accident.

I've worked with children for a long time and have been bitten and head butted and all sorts. I've never kicked, hit or thrown a child in response 'by reflex'.
If your reflex to being hurt by a child is to hurt them back or lash out, you are not a safe person to be around children.

I can categorically tell you there is not a judge in the land who will listen to “but he hit me first.”

Assault is assault. Assaulting an infant child is indefensible. You only know what he has admitted to without any confirmation this is true. What he has admit to - kicking your child across the room resulting in serious injury - is assault. Your refusal to have the child checked out medically is neglect.

I say it again, wake the fuck up OP. We are literally begging. If not I pray that child gets removed for your collective care.

Please get your child checked over, it sounds pretty serious. Is it a head injury?

@Zanatdy they are well in themselves. I will take them to the GP on Monday

“My problem lies in that if he had calmed himself down throughout the day maybe things would have played out different” … doesn’t sound like you believe it was 100% an accident/reflex to me.
Your partner is a child abuser and you’re a child abuser apologist. You’re both scum. Can’t wait till Monday when your child goes into school and tells them daddy kicked me and mummy didn’t do anything about it 👏

Then he is a danger to others and should get some anger management. While not residing in th family home.

I know you're upset and conflicted, OP. But you are in denial about what the situation is, and as a loving mother you can't afford to be.

Has your DP booked himself in for anger management? Has he ever sought any counselling for his aggression? Is he doing ANYTHING to deal with his behaviour? If not, you must wonder if he thinks he doesn’t need to change and it’s all your fault and the fault of a little 3 year old boy.

You know you need to leave.

Also FYI social services will take a VERY dim view of you waiting to see a gp several days later for a head injury inflicted by the other adult in your household. Cause you’re delusional if you think GP won’t report this.

@Sccrumb - someone who cannot control their temper and kicks out at a child, causing that child to fall and suffer a serious injury is a danger to that child, in my opinion. You should not be excusing what he did, and you should not be allowing him anywhere near your child unless and until he addresses his anger issues.

He kicked out at your child - and you need to be absolutely clear that you and he are lucky that the injury was not even worse. A man, with a man’s strength, kicks out at a small child - he could have killed your child! You may or may not have heard of one punch deaths - someone is punched once, falls, hits their head and dies. And this is usually two adults - how much more dangerous is it when an adult kicks a child!

What happens next time he loses his temper? He now knows you will excuse what he did, and that you will collude in covering it up - you didn’t take your child to A&E because you knew they would report the injury and the circumstances - you got them checked out unofficially. So he is less likely to try to rein in his temper, not more.

You need to take your children away from this man now. No excuses. You have a duty or care and a responsibility. Far worse is going to happen if you don’t leave now. You are the only person who can protect your children. Do not make excuses or you are just as bad.