Partner accidentally hurt child

[Sccrumb]

My partner accidentally hurt our child. It led to a big injury for them. He kept blaming our child. They are 3 nearly 4. In my eyes he kept nagging our child all day and wound the child up. It all came to head at bed time. I left them alone for two seconds and our child had hurt him physically and he accidentally hurt them back by reflex.

We are meant to be getting married soon. We live together and also have an older DC and baby. I can't look at him the same despite the fact I know he would never deliberately hurt our children. It was such a scary injury and I couldn't sleep from fear that our child would go downhill over night. He on the other hand, slept quite soundly.

What do I do? Help me. My head is a mess and I'm extremely hormonal being pp.

Adults do not lash out as a reflex action, or accidentally, with small children and injure them.

Your children need to be protected from this man. You need to get them away from him.

There's so many red flags around this. Stop making excuses. He hurt your child. He's dangerous.

One of my children accidentally head butted me with the back of his head right on the top of my nose. It hurt like hell, and continued to hurt for several days. My first reaction was, most definitely, not to lash out and 'accidentally' hurt my child

A normal reflex reaction to a kick, bite, nip, etc, is to draw back. Not kick forward. A kick forward is a deliberate revenge move.
His actions were not a reflex and were the cause if your child's injury.
His behaviour afterwards is very concerning.
He has physically abused your DC - your DC is telling and showing you how.
You are minimising the situation.

My children have accidentally hit me loads. I have been left bruises and not once in the almost 15 years of being a parent have I ever hit back in reflex.

You say a medical person checked them over? Any medical person should’ve reported this. The fact you sought advice from someone who you clearly knew wouldn’t report it gives me warning signs already about both you and said person.

Im sorry you have ppd, I’m sorry your sleep deprived but these are absolutely no reasons to withhold getting your child appropriate medical care. Should any of your DS injuries be brought to light or he mentions this to a nursery if he goes I would assume a safe guarding concern will be raised. I hope you’re prepared to fully explain your rationale for not seeking the appropriate help or support for your child!!

Sadly I can say certainly that ops dc has not seen a medical professional, and will not. She will continue to downplay this until tge next time 'daddys' anger kicks in.

I don’t think our reflexes work that way. Most people, if they get hurt they clutch or protect the hurt body part. Unless your child tapped the patella reflex in the knee what your partner actually did was retaliate without thinking. He’s calling it a reflex because he perhaps didn’t intend to do it. Kicking someone is not a reflexive action and can lead to a small child falling onto a sharp corner and getting brain damage or worse.

This and he was winding the child up all day. Cruel. Anyone would react to this.

My relationship would be over. He hurt a child and blamed the child. Don't trust him.

I think the vast majority of abusers don’t get up that morning and think ‘I will hurt my partner’s child today at 3pm’. They all get frustrated, get annoyed, then lash by ‘reflex’.

Also because you fall into something when someone’s leg forces you towards it does not mean it happened because the object was there, what on earth

Exactly this! And without a doubt will then play the system is against me card. I hope her child actually speaks about this to someone who cares enough to get him out of harms way!

You are clear in your OP and subsequent posts that your partner’s anger was relevant and that you’d warned him to calm down or leave the situation. It wasn’t an accident OP.

Absolutely, this was premeditated and OP just can’t see past her partner.

You are minimising your DP's inability to keep his temper and not react. My DD deliberately bit me on hard the shoulder when she was three and having a tantrum. It hurt like hell and she left teethmarks and yes I was angry but in the moment my instinct was NOT to send her flying across the room. The fact you are laying some of the blame at your DS' feet for winding your DP up is shocking. He's only 3! He doesn't know what goading is at that age, much less actively do it.

The fact that you know your DS sustained a serious injury and you haven't taken him to A&E yet shows that you know deep down your DP meant in inflict pain on him in retaliation. Otherwise you'd be happy to make it clear it was an accident.

And because your DP clearly lacks impulse control he WILL do it again.

I only hope your DS goes to nursery and that he tells one of his key workers and they'll help you see how serious this is.

Edited to add: PLEASE take your son to A&E. He could have a fracture or a bleed that will only shown up on a scan. Someone with medical know-how wouldn't be able to tell either just by looking at him.

When I was a child my dad was winding me up when he was drunk. He kept tickling me despite me telling him to stop. On one occasion he did it and my body jolted causing me to elbow him. In retaliation he DELIBERATELY punched me to the back of my head. Not one adult present helped me because they were scared of him. I was the one who got told off. I'm 33 and still to this day struggle with trauma from my childhood. Don't let your children end up like me or even worse dead because you're scared of your partner. I'd have called the police myself. Those poor children

I love my partner and he doesn’t have anger issues but if he ONCE ‘reflexively’ hurt my baby I would have no second thoughts about going straight to hospital and telling them exactly what happened, and whatever I thought of his excuse and him I would not make any children keep living with him. How frightening for the little one, living with a man who he knows might badly hurt or kill him and a mum who is not protecting him.

Support your injured child to the hospital and away from someone who assaults them.

Yes there is. Calling out abuse and neglect.

I think this post is worrying. The OP says her son has been seen by a medical person, but obviously not a GP. Then she says he has a serious injury. What does that mean? How serious? Head injury? Possible broken bone?

So your child hurt his knee and DPs leg kicked out like it does when a doctor tests your reflexes?

Nothing to worry about then. The big bruise on DPs knee will corroborate his version of events surely.

You need to get your DC seen by a doctor though. Dont worry as the bruised knee on your DP will be evidence this was a reflex thing.

You worried enough to seek medical attention ‘from a medical person’ but not where questions could be asked or noted.
That alone makes you totally unreasonable and culpable to any further injuries.
Your DH allowed a situation to continue instead of walking away which ended up with him getting hurt and the child seriously injured.
i once took my child to a@e for a minor injury and i was so worried that they may think someone had hurt him (he had fallen whilst climbing) the drs said its never tends to be the parents that bring them up straight away that have anything to hide….
i assume your child attends nursery/preschool, he will quite rightly tell them his father kicked him and you will have to explain why you knew and hid it… I would have rushed my child to a walk in centre/a&e, regardless if my DH had to explain himself.
Your first duty of care is to your children and knowing their Dad has a temper and unable to cope with behaviour you’ve stood by at let this happen, you were on notice it would because you yourself have warned him of this outcome.
I would be asking him to leave.

I think you know that you can never trust your partner around your children again.

I don't think she means that type of reflex. She means he lashed out in reflex anger when a 3 Yr old hit him .

Sounds like child hurt him in personal area and he knocked him flying he needs anger management classes. He hurt him because he wanted to and because the child hurt him not by reflex. I wouldn’t trust him any more to be honest.

Bloody hell, OP. Your poor child has been deliberately injured by your “D”P (it wasn’t a reflex, FGS) and you are annoyed by PPs saying your child needs medical attention and to be protected from your angry partner?

I think you need to be reported to social services as well as your “D”P.

Your partner has no control over his emotions and is dangerous. You’re trying to convince yourself his response is normal. IT IS NOT.

Kids are defiant. It's what they do.

I'm sorry your partner is an unfit father but you need to deal with the reality in front of you.

Would YOU have kicked your son as a "reflex"?! No, never. That tells you everything you need.