Partner accidentally hurt child

[Sccrumb]

My partner accidentally hurt our child. It led to a big injury for them. He kept blaming our child. They are 3 nearly 4. In my eyes he kept nagging our child all day and wound the child up. It all came to head at bed time. I left them alone for two seconds and our child had hurt him physically and he accidentally hurt them back by reflex.

We are meant to be getting married soon. We live together and also have an older DC and baby. I can't look at him the same despite the fact I know he would never deliberately hurt our children. It was such a scary injury and I couldn't sleep from fear that our child would go downhill over night. He on the other hand, slept quite soundly.

What do I do? Help me. My head is a mess and I'm extremely hormonal being pp.

This is the type of guy who would get frustrated with a crying baby and harm them by shaking.

I'd leave him at least until he goes through anger management and shows real change. Your lack of action makes you complicit. I can guarantee your older child is frightened of him and his 'moods'.

Whilst I agree with previous posters that the "reflex" excuse sounds very dubious (I think he lost control of his emotions for a few seconds and lashed out, rather than it being a physical reflex reaction), the major red flag for me is lack of remorse. Blaming the child and sleeping soundly whilst you were awake keeping watch and worrying? I'd be packing.

Just with op saying it like it was something the DP couldn't help. Pretty sure being twatted on certain bones is probably the only time reflexively kicking out actually cant be helped.

The amount of times my husband has been kicked, headbutted, jumped on or elbowed in the nadgers and hasn't accidentally on reflex lashed out at our toddler, it sounds more like your partner was angry and lashed out as a release of that anger, onto a small child he'd been winding up all day. Even if the child was Damian and deliberately hit him, there's no excuse to lash out with such force it injures the innocent child! Bloody hell

For fucks sake, learn a bit about child development! A 3 year old is not 'defiant' just because they don't do exactly what the adults tell them. It's normal for them to explore, push boundaries, do annoying repetitive behaviours. Toddlers are hard work but, guess what, most parents suck it up and remain patient. Your partner sounds abusive and you sound like you're enabling him.

That’s not an accident. That’s being unable to control his anger.
And having ‘no instinct’ to cintrol his force either.

He is a danger to your dc.

And it IS NOT and never will be the fault of your dc for winding him up all day long.

So this man lashed out by either kicking or pushing your child,which resulted in a serious injury for the child and you are saying but my partner got a bruise,fuck sake.
are you going to allow him to carry on abusing your child,allow him to kick him repeatedly and say he was lashing out.

i hope someone reports you to social services allowing this animal to abuse your child,you have a duty of care to your child and you’re neglecting him.

disgusting behaviour from you and that man.

I’ve reported this thread on Child safeguarding concerns to Mumsnet HQ. I hope they will pass on so the
child can be looked at by a doctor and protected from his father.

Then you should make sure he is never alone with the children. I feel so sorry for your children.

I have reported too.

Same. MN needs to speak to OP directly and urge her to get proper medical attention for her DS. Or escalate with the relevant authorities if she refuses.

Ok now imagine instead of your 4yo, your DP is spending time with a friend of his who is spending the day winding him up.

The friend hurts him by accident.
Do you think your DP would have pushed his friend back/reacted as a reflex with such force that the friend would have to stumbled back and hurt himself?
Or somehow, hed have managed to stay calm and ‘use his words’ as we tell children?
Im sure that faced by a stronger man, your dh would have rein it in,…
Which tells you he CAN control himself when he wants to.

If all if this true then why is he not wracked with guilt? Why is he not beside himself and appalled at his reaction and treating it as a wake up call about his anger? Why is he downplaying and blaming the child?

He has a significant anger problem that has crossed over into physical, resulting in a child getting injured and you are both downplaying it.

This isn't people coming to you with clouded judgement based on their experience. This is you not seeing this for what it is. Kids will act up. His reaction is not normal or acceptable.

Does it occur to you that the reason why your child might be acting defiantly in the first place is because they are living with a man who has no idea how to control his own emotions and is unable to model that to a child, or help the child to co-regulate?

MNHQ cant report to the authorities they have zero idea where or who op is apart from possibly what area she is in, very approximately.

My IP address currently places me in a location thats actually about 25 miles away.

When you say "someone medical" do you mean you took him to a walk in centre, hospital or GP and told them the full account so there can be safe guarding considered or did you just get someone you know who is medically trained to have a look at them without telling them the full story?

I am so sorry this happened to your child @BeckyAMumsnet Be mindful that if you let this incident slide and then later split and try and report it too much time will have passed and you’ll have to justify why you didn’t report it when it happened.

it’s a tough decision to make but I think you know that if you don’t leave then there is a real risk of your kids coming to harm.

Hopefully that hcp will raise safeguarding concerns, as it sounds as if his mother won’t. A non accidental injury is reportable. Of course you need to believe your dc over him, they are vulnerable and totally dependent on you. If they cannot trust you to protect them who will? Meantime your oh is failing to take responsibility or show remorse.

OP, gently, do you truly believe in BS you wrote here?

Contact the police, and wake up 'accidentally hurt', 'retaliated out of instinct'. Just listen to yourself. Call the police and save yourself and other children before 'instinct kicks off again'.

Hello all - we're closing this thread to new posts now.

We're in touch with the OP off the boards, so please don't continue to report this thread.