Partner accidentally hurt child

[Sccrumb]

My partner accidentally hurt our child. It led to a big injury for them. He kept blaming our child. They are 3 nearly 4. In my eyes he kept nagging our child all day and wound the child up. It all came to head at bed time. I left them alone for two seconds and our child had hurt him physically and he accidentally hurt them back by reflex.

We are meant to be getting married soon. We live together and also have an older DC and baby. I can't look at him the same despite the fact I know he would never deliberately hurt our children. It was such a scary injury and I couldn't sleep from fear that our child would go downhill over night. He on the other hand, slept quite soundly.

What do I do? Help me. My head is a mess and I'm extremely hormonal being pp.

He regularly gets 'so angry' with them?

Tell me OP, how much time do you spend with them compared to him? And in that time, how many times have you got 'so angry' with them, and how many times have you seriously injured them?

Did they fall down the stairs, or fall and hit their head or something when he kicked them?

Sorry this was not an accident! This man needs to be out your life before he does serious damage to your children, absolutely disgusting if you stick by him.

He gets so angry with them a lot

FFS OP, Stop making excuses for this abusive man. Go ahead with this relationship and you’re basically letting him know that hurting your children isn’t a dealbreaker. Stop minimising his actions.

A big injury? And he was unconcerned and blaming the child for what he called a reflex? Red flags in abundance here!

When I say angry I mean he gets frustrated about normal typical behaviours. Our DC who is nearly 4 can be very high maintenance but he just has no tolerance for when they act up or are hyper and defiant. It does annoy me too however Im not as big as him so there isn't much of a risk there.

Sorry OP but even if we accept that it was an accident, this man is not a good person to have around your children simply because of his anger. It is not good for your children to have an angry father around them, to the point where you have had to speak to him about it. You knew this was going to happen to happen and now it has and your child has been injured. You have a duty to protect your children from physical and emotional harm and this man is now harming your son emotionally and physically - accident or not. Would he go to anger management therapy/course etc…?

You are excusing any actions he takes when angry by labelling these as not 'intentional'.

As an adult he is able to control himself and ensure he does not physically harm the children - and legally required to - even when angry.

If you believe he may not be able or willing to prevent himself from hurting the children when he feels angry they are in danger of being hurt anytime he is around them.

That is not normal and it is not ok.

This isn't an 'accident' it's a reaction to a situation. Sounds like a situation that needed dealing with earlier in the day and your partner has an anger issue and doesn't know how to deal with their emotions.and doesn't know how to deal with toddlers.

Did they lash out in retaliation to your child?
If your child can wind them up at this age, I doubt it will improve as your child gets older and they get more challenging.

Accidents do happen. This sounds more complex than that.

Sorry OP. You’re with a man who not only gets extremely (irrationally) angry at his young children, but more to the point he cannot control his anger. And now he’s hurt one physically, significantly. That’s child abuse. You’ll never relax with him like this and rightly so. You need to leave him surely. The problem becomes, if you split up he’ll have custody of them 50% of the time. Unless you register his behaviour with the police so that social workers knows there’s a real risk to the children being with him unsupervised. I’d go for full custody.

Let me tell you OP, if you had taken your child to hospital for their injury (which it sounds like you absolutely should have done btw), they would have definitely reported to child protection services for investigation for that explanation for the injury. No one thinks that this is ok.

OP this is not okay and you know it. You are glossing over it, making excuses but deep down you know it isn't right. He regularly gets angry with them and now this? I'm going to guess that you have not told anyone IRL and have not sought medical attention for your child. Because you don't want people to know what he is/what he has done, but please don't wait until he's in custody and your child is in hospital or worst.

This man is abusive. You need to leave and certainly don't leave your son alone with him again. I'd also be concerned about your joint dc. There is no excuse for him hurting your dc back. You need to be strong now op and protect your dc. Contact children's social services for advice and support. It is not acceptable, do not let him persuade you otherwise.

This is absolutely not OK. It is not a reflex to hurt a small child. He has shown you who he is, especially by sleeping soundly afterwards. I understand that this is very difficult but you MUST put your children first. If you don’t, the decision may be taken out of your hands. Please make sure your child gets medical help and tell the truth about what happened.

Also, if you minimise the actions as you have done to us, you would not be considered to be a protective factor for your children.

@ImitationofBeing this is where I can't get my head around it. All day leading up to the injury I told him to calm down or leave if he has to. But he refused to listen to me and allowed himself to get more wound up. He wouldn't walk away. I stepped in and the moment I left them alone this happened. I had to leave to put baby to bed.

OP you know this isn’t right or you wouldn’t be posting on here. It’s not an accident if it was induced by anger.

I suspect OP knows this and chose not to do so because of this.

If you stay, this will not be the the only time he hurts your children.

@Letsgoforaskip his reflex didn't hurt our child. Our child got injured from falling onto something.

There’s a big difference between think & know. You say you’ve warned DP before!
I believe you’re so deeply upset by this event because you aren’t completely certain you can trust this man if left alone with tiny defenceless children.

Caused by him!

Stop op. This is not great for your child and you aren't happy either

Oh shut up. He threw your child into something. You are making excuses.

I’m going to have to leave this thread. You will make excuses and excuses for your partner’s behaviour despite knowing exactly what has happened.

What you've said here doesn't in any way show what he did was a reflex. It was a reaction, by him, to his young child's behaviour. The fact he doesn't take any responsibility for his own behaviour is very troubling as it means he may repeat this again. What he has done is abuse. If a young child had disclosed this at nursery/school, it would be documented and raised as a safeguarding issue and possibly passed onto SS/police after talking to both you and your partner.

I hope you and DC are OK. First stop is for your DC to get a check up with a doctor, second would be to talk this through with professionals that deal with abuse in the home and ask for support.

However he gets so angry with them a lot and I did warn him if he didn't get on top of his anger this may happen one day. Accident or not.

Read this back to yourself OP.