Unkind husband, frigid wife

[Wherewhenhow]

I’m not sure how I’ve ended up here. Affair with my colleague. My husband isn’t kind to me and his wife isn’t intimate with him. I know this is a line for unfaithful men to use, but my area of expertise is focussed on determining honesty, I believe him. I’m in this situation because he makes me feel beautiful sexy funny clever: all things my husband actively doesn’t do. For him, I give him warmth, affirmation and sexual intimacy.

I’m not leaving my marriage yet, because I need to clock in another 5-10 years till our children are older. He’s not leaving his marriage because he magically hopes it will improve. In that way, we well matched.

I need to disconnect though, I’m not sure how. The chemistry is electric, I’ve never experienced this before. I would like a future with him, but it’s not possible.

I know I need to go cold turkey. I know there will be out roar from wives who have been betrayed. I don’t think about his wife. I’m not married to her, my marriage vows were to my husband and hasn’t upheld his either.

Has anyone made this disconnect from an affair partner? I want to step away. I’m trying to manage my diary to not coincide with his. Thank you

If you are a Judge I’m the Queen of Sheba 🤣

Why don’t you leave your husband? Seems awful on so many levels for you to continue being deceitful, and waste everyone’s chance at happiness. That’s very selfish.

If you are absolutely determined to stay married; I think you need to change jobs; cut him off completely; start afresh, and seek marriage counseling with your husband.

You cannot possibly think this will end if you just avoid diary clashes.

To refer to his wife as frigid is awful..You know absolutely nothing about her and have based your perception of her as being 'frigid' off of what he tells you. A one sided story..

If this is real, then I'm the Queen of Sheba. 😆

Either that or my time machine has worked and I'm back in 1975. 😆

Well it’s hardly unheard of is it

Sadly, exactly the sort of person who WOULD be a judge!

or how to spell umbrage!!

You make out that this unkind husband is somehow a victim

Here is your medal 🏅

I liked 'out roar' myself. 😆

He can't leave his wife because he hopes things will improve with her? So staying and hoping things improve with her is more important than being with you?

If he's calling his wife and mother of his kids that he's desperately hoping to improve things with frigid, I wonder what delightful misogynistic slurs he has for his bit on he side.

You're so naive it's embarrassing OP. But it's ok because your area of expertise is focussed on determining honesty right 😂.

Surely if you were such an expert you'd know full well that people see what they want to see and believe what they want to believe.

I don't think for a minute that you're a judge, I think you've just been watching too many reruns of Ally Mcbeal. Sad.

Nothing you say matters, you are a liar and not a single word you have written can be trusted.

If you're willing to lie flat out to the faces of those who you made lifetime commitments to, you are willing to lie about anything, anywhere, at any time to anyone. You certainly can't be trusted to tell anyone the truth here 😅

Cheaters choices are always incredibly straightforward. You leave. You tell your partner that you are going to fuck around. You stay faithful. You become a liar and a cheat.

Frigid my arse 😅He is very definitely fucking his wife, he's a scumbag liar too. Always makes me laugh when cheaters think lying fuckwits won't lie TO and ABOUT them and everyone else too.

You're not special, you're not an exception and nothing you have written can be trusted.

You're just a bog standard shagger and you deserve your shit life.

Hope this doesn't help :)

Any man who has told you he won’t leave his wife because he believes things could improve between them, while simultaneously pursuing and seducing you, is deeply dishonest - with himself and those closest to him. You know perfectly well that no relationship can improve while one partner is actively sabotaging it.

Ergo the reason he won’t leave his wife is not because they don’t have sex - so he is not nearly so lonely and isolated as he makes out.

Compare this to your current view - that he is truthful and you can tell. Do you see how both things cannot be true? do you see how he has said everything he needs to get you into bed and everything he needs to keep you at an emotional distance? Is this someone you can trust? Can you still trust yourself?!

I’m sure it’s all electric and whatever - it’s easy to be that way and make someone feel it’s that way when you don’t have to put any work in with them and you can present a front as a reality. Serial philanderers are expert controllers and expert liars.

How to detach? Tell him it’s over, block, cry, cry some more, be bad tempered, cry, feel awful…
eventualy these feelings will recede and perhaps the. you’ll find you can give the energy your currently giving this to yourself instead. Perhaps you’ll find that when you aren’t running away and instead face up to your own reality you can either improve your marriage or leave it. Perhaps you’ll be able to stop expending your energy lying to yourself just as he is to you.

In what ways is your husband unkind to you? Honestly I think fair play to you my friend.
i have a genuine question though, see with two kids, HOW are you finding the time to conduct this affair?! I'm genuinely interested in the logistics.

OP - no good will come of this. Imagine him in an unflattering light, farting, snoring, leaving wet towels on the bed! You’re only seeing the best version. It’s not real. Tarnish the view of him as a romantic hero!

Not sure why there’s so much focus on correcting spellings.

@Americano75 ”outroar” is a word, but no space.

It's not your heart that needs to listen to your brain.

Are you mad coming on here. Go to Reddit and ask the question. Why would you ask women with children who are now single because of their cheating husbands. Have you got a death wish.

Your kids feel everything anyway, no point staying & being miserable

Wow a kind and considerate judge “I don’t think about the wife I am not married to her “ 🤦‍♀️.

but please be kind, think about me and my children and my feelings on how to detach..? 🤨 smh

Wait your husband cheated on you and you are the wife in thsi scenario…tell me more

The fact he's used the word frigid to describe his wife is 🚩🚩🚩🚩enough
How utterly nasty and what an attitude to have!! If he's that bothered why does he even stay with her? Sounds like bollox to me!! Cheating skumbags usually blame their wife... I got told it was the way I dressed!(normal SAHM mum of 2 toddlers attire) oh and I'm sure my weight was mentioned.. my then husband obviously told his sidepiece that we weren't intimate dispite the fact we were actually trying for our third child at the time. There will always be a reason why they can't leave! The fact that he doesn't want to leave should be reason enough for you not to continue with that relationship.
Another relationship you need to end is your marriage, you are clearly unhappy. Don't waste another 5/10 years of your life with him just for the kids sake. You can build a new life for yourself. Stop living a lie before the truth comes out and everyone gets hurt.

🤣🤭

This 100% Men who do absolutely nothing to make themselves attractive to their wives, and who do absolutely nothing to lesson the loads that their wives carry, seem to always be surprised that their wives don't want to have sex with them. Then they bandy around that disgusting term 'frigid'. Yuck.

Horrible

What an outroarous thread. I’m absolutely upraged.