Do narcissistic people know they are like this?

[Theydontwantme]

Do they think that they are the same as everyone else? Do they realise that they are always thinking about their needs and how and who to get them from? They appear to meet some people’s needs so they know they should but it’s always because they get something in return. I just don’t understand how they don’t know what they are???? Surely after a while you’ll realise you are selfish.

Narcs are incedibly charming until the mask slips-no one would get together with them if they showed their real selves
Abuse often starts during pregnancy when they know you are trapped
Stop victim blaming

So at what point do you think i know what will make this situation better bringing innocent children into it

The victim would be the innocent children its not them I'm blaming

They know, they don't care. If there's nothing in it for them, they don't care. If they can't make you do something for them, they don't care about you.
They enjoy your pain and confusion and they think they're better than quite literally everyone else.

MN makes constant throw away references to Narcissism without really understanding the condition. The following summary of recent research shows that lots of narcissists fall into the emotionally over sensitive and insecure personality type. These narcissists are constantly weeping and feeling misunderstood. Very different to the stereotype bandied around on Mumsnet.
https://theconversation.com/what-weve-learned-about-narcissism-over-the-past-30-years-258505

You clearly have never been in an abusive relationship, which is great for you, but please stop victim blaming women who have found themselves trapped in highly abusive and controlling situations. Unless you’ve walked that path and faced those challenges, then please just listen to those who have. Fear. Fear is what causes you to stay.

I have but its always been short lived before children came into it. If a person is a narcissist they can't mask it for 5/10 years otherwise they're probably not actually a narcissist which is an actual medical term

I think we all have the odd narcissistic trait, but those with the full blown disorder are widely unrecognised as they don't tend to seek a diagnosis. I have two friends who have had their lives destroyed by these creatures. Neither see their children due to manipulative ex-partners. Sadly, the child of another narcissist recently ended his life. These people are incredibly dangerous.

All this rubbish about Narcs being incredibly charming. This is MN stereotype. There are many forms of Narcissism but I suspect the commonest form we encounter on here is the defensive, over anxious people who are hyper sensitive to criticism. Just like ADHD and ASD, psychologists believe that there are far more women with Narcissism than was originally thought.
Do read the research summary from Durham University to truly understand the definition of Narcissism.

I don’t think they know. I have literally said to mine ‘you’re a narcissist’ and he says he’s not. He can’t recognise any of the traits as his own traits - and to be clear he is textbook. He constantly says ‘I’m a nice guy.’ Who even says that? 😂 no one normal feels the need to say they’re a nice person do they? I’m also sick of people saying the term is overused. How do they know? We don’t know how many people are actually narcissists do we? It’s like victim blaming, some of us are 100% sure of what we’re dealing with, we’ve read the books, watched the videos, done the therapy, recorded the conversations, took notes and analysed them after etc and people just invalidate our experiences by saying it’s an overused term. If you’re reading someone’s experience online you have to assume that they aren’t listing every single thing a person has done to them, just start from a place of believing someone when they say they’ve lived an experience.

What you describe is the two people I know. They’re exhausting. No charm whatsoever.

So you are blaming the partners?
Narcs can literally read people and seek out those who are vulnerable.
They can be absolutely charming because it's one of the manipulative skills they possess.
Ever heard the phrase Street Angel, House Devil ?

@Parkmalarky there are different types
Women included
Perhaps you should educate yourself?

This!!!!! My partner (can’t get rid, I’ve tried) has made various comments over the years and I started writing them down so I didn’t forget.

2 recent ones ‘I will definitely get the job over Joe, he’s fucking useless.’ ‘I know more about that job than anyone else in the building.’ Both times when he was interviewing for a job. He didn’t get either of them 😂😂😂 and he was in with a 75% chance both times due to very small number of applicants!

He seems completely unaware that this is not normal behaviour!

Apologies, shouldn't have assumed.

I absolutely blame the parents. Do you not see the posts on here daily of what women put up with and then put their children through. An adult should always put there children first no excuses.

On the bright side - he's now exH

It's not a diagnosis any more though - it'd be personality disorder with traits xyz.

Not all "narcissists" would get the same diagnosis - some have dissociality, feelings of entitlement, lack of empathy (this is actually the old sociopath diagnosis, which actually seems to be what people often mean when they call someone a narcissist).

Others have personality disorder with other traits such as negative affect and anankastia (ridgid ways of thinking , perfectionism, believing they are always right) and others a borderline profile...

I don't think there's one answer to why people with a range of related personality disorders think as they do. Some are coming from grandiose thinking and others from low self esteem and defensiveness due to thinking everyone hates them, others think they've been failed by those around them or that it's other people who are not doing things right...

Yes exactly - I think the "charming" cliche is actually based on the old sociopath diagnosis (in an "as seen on TV/ in film" form). The old narcissist diagnosis is more often actually a personality disorder with traits of negative affect or a borderline presentation. Anxiety and needing/ trying to exert control over others or cut them out because of a fear of rejection and of not being seen by an imaginary public as successful/ special and low self esteem or a background of trauma.

Broken people, who break others yes, but not charming made for TV arm chair diagnosed sociopath/ narcissist ( used interchangeably).

All the language and clichés are out of date and fueled by fiction (especially films, TV and YouTube and podcast self styled "experts" peddling gratuitous over simplicity).

They do know, because they choose carefully who to reveal themselves to.

My experience is that they genuinely think they are the main characters and everyone else are bit actors in their show. If you step out of your role they have given you then YOU are in the wrong.

But why? Why can’t they just be regular like everyone else.

Tbf my reply was to PP who asked why people marry narcissists-they are usually charming in early relationships

The only true narcissist I've encountered (an ex boss) had a child with his girlfriend, dumped her because she "wasn't attractive and interesting" any more, then complained that having a child was the worst thing he'd ever done. Says it all really!

Why can't they just be regular? People with a personality disorder are mentally ill. Just because they have a mental illness with an antisocial presentation doesn't mean they can choose to be "regular" any more than someone with clinical level depression can just not be depressed, or someone with schizophrenia can just not have schizophrenia...

Where's the borderline between common or garden arsehole and diagnosed personality disorder? This guy was a gigantic arsehole, but not necessarily diagnosable.