Do narcissistic people know they are like this?

[Theydontwantme]

Do they think that they are the same as everyone else? Do they realise that they are always thinking about their needs and how and who to get them from? They appear to meet some people’s needs so they know they should but it’s always because they get something in return. I just don’t understand how they don’t know what they are???? Surely after a while you’ll realise you are selfish.

It is, as is ADHD, but that shouldn't be used to automatically invalidate those who are experiencing it by robotically commenting 'this is overused' every time someone talks about it.

Thank you for this, it's a good explanation.

To my surprise, my husband showed he had some realisation by one day declaring ".. friend X is even more narcissistic than I am..." 😳

Yet he seems to have zero realisation in day to day life though, it's exhausting dealing with him. We had a tiresome debate recently when he trod on our dog, making the dog yelp, because he wasn't looking where he was going, and he said to the dog "well, you shouldn't have put your paw under my foot" 😲. We had a lengthy debate where I tried to explain why it is his responsibility to look where he is going, as opposed to the dog's responsibility to keep his paws from under my husband's feet. I gave up in the end. Nothing is their fault, literally nothing.

People who comment in this way are to my mind simply declaring they have no experience of the condition(s) and they think therefore that nobody else can have either (which is a smidge narcissistic, no? 😀).
(I'm agreeing with you here, btw).

My ex husband lent on our dog trying to get up and the dog yelped very loud. He didn’t even acknowledge what he’d done. I said to him you’ve hurt the dog so he had me up against the wardrobe screaming in my face.

I think my mum is a narcissistic, or something along these lines. She has no interest in me anymore since I’ve had my children. Before I used to go to her all the time but she never comes to me, has no interest unless it’s about what she is doing. I’m fed up with her, there is little point in having a mum. It’s like I don’t have one anyway tbh. She is perfectly happy, you wouldn’t have a clue she doesn’t see her daughter or grandkids or that we even exist.

So how does a person get love from a person like this? Just be of use?

I’d honestly argue they’re not capable of love. Not in the real sense.

You can’t get love from them. Period. Don’t try….
If you give, they’ll take.
If you don’t, they’ll manipulate, bully, gaslight. If that doesn’t work they’ll leave for the next victim. It’s all about them.
It sounds like you’re in love - and you’re trying to reconcile the fact that you love someone, with the reality that they will never love you back. It may take a long while to come to terms with the fact that they’re just not a good person. They don’t deserve you. But it’s tough to stop loving. It was for me

It’s my own parents really.

You don't get love from them.
You never will.
You protect yourself against them

Other people seem to get something from them, what are they doing differently? I just got fed up of giving and not receiving, are others ok to give and give?

I had a work colleague like this.
It was terrifying

In my case it’s not terrifying it’s just being completely invisible, as if I don’t exist.

Exactly and to further add to overuse terms’, ‘anxiety’ is another. We all feel anxious or stressed at times and it’s completely normal, but it seems it’s used in ways now to stop people working and getting jobs due to ‘anxiety’.

That’s one of the mental health reasons the government are trying to prevent people claiming benefits for. I mean what could a 20 year old living at home (ie no stress of paying mortgage or feeding family etc) possibly have to be stressed about?! It makes a mockery of genuine cases of crippling MH where the person cat function at all. ‘Stress’ is the new bad back, it’s hard to prove so easy to take the piss with

This is so true in my experience. I told my now exH that I thought he was a narcissist and he said yes I am, so what. He took pride in it.

I have a narcissistic sister and I listen to Dr Ramani all the time! It wasn’t until I was 38 that I realised that my sister was a narcissist.

and what do they want? To just be treated as special without doing anything, without putting in the work, without helping?

One of the things my narc sibling thinks is that people are in awe of her. She thinks she deserves some sort of special treatment and that people should defer to her. For that she'll throw a few crumbs of affection but I don't believe she's capable of love. If you don't, or she can't use you, she will make up lies about you to others and discard you. But she has no notion that she is different, at all. She has no empathy at all. If she manages to entrap a dp, usually by lies and manipulation, she will slowly become more controlling and abusive as time goes on.

Why did you have children with a narcissist? People either are or aren't narcissists they don't suddenly become them overnight

The narc I know believes they are great, because they just ‘are’. It’s like when you’re little and your parents tell you that you’re amazing, and you believe it. Except this through to adulthood. Crucially though, you don’t have to ‘be’ amazing - smart, kind, friendly etc - you just are amazing. Other people must obviously recognise this. If they don’t, they are discarded immediately. Same if they serve you no purpose, or if won’t completely do as you say. Then they’ll say you are abusive, manipulative etc.

My understanding is that narcs have, below the surface, such deep shame.....that they simply cant face it. So they don't face it. Everything they do is to avoid seeing their shame

It’s my parents

Something like that.
Goes brilliantly with my elderly mother.
Also they "forget", you are "making stuff up", or it "never happened".
I don't care what she says, I know she does remember.
Fortunately, she lives 900 miles away!

Hmmm, when you start a relationship with one they lovebomb you. You get manipulated slowly until you are hooked into the ‘game’ they are playing. Its like all abusive men; they don’t have it tattooed on their forehead. The important thing is that once you realise what they are, you get out. But many people are trauma bonded. And narcissists turn evil if you leave them - smear campaigns, lies, threats etc.

Oh sorry then leave them to it cant do anything to change them