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Original poster

Husband’s wants to lunch with another woman

295 replies

GEW · 30/10/2025 01:59

My husband wants to take another woman who I don’t know, but I think she’s unmarried, out for lunch because it was her birthday. I will be sat at home whilst he has lunch with her. It feels odd. I told him it was weird but he didn’t listen. I have been upset all day and decided that if he insists on going I will tell him I am also going out for lunch with someone else. I won’t actually meet anyone but I will go out. I set my clothes ready tonight before I went to bed. He asked where I was going tomorrow. I said I was going out to lunch with a man if he was going out with this woman. He went ballistic accusing me of jealousy turning it all around on me. Am I wrong to feel like this?

OP posts:
Piknik · 30/10/2025 15:43

Your latest update has thrown me. You seem to be focussed entirely on shallow, surface level connections that broadly centre on your mutual attractiveness and sexual appeal.

His rage is not okay
Him sulking because he can't go on a date with someone else is not okay
Him breaking your stuff is not okay
You threatening to go on a date is not okay

Being "dressed up to the nines' aint gonna fix any of the key issues you seem to have.

Good luck though.

LBFseBrom · 30/10/2025 15:52

You got your way but I have to say you sound quite ridiculous.

Gerrysmum · 30/10/2025 15:54

Okay interesting resolution their OP...
Maybe have a think about how you treat each other rather on your relative sexual appeal..
I was really supportive of you but I dont get how you can let his behaviour slide because he took you out for brunch. There is clearly a jelousy issue here

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 30/10/2025 16:15

GEW · 30/10/2025 14:41

I’m go off an a very big adventure. He’s been supportive so far. He’s actively encouraged it and bragging to all his mates about it. Our sex life is fantastic. He just has a temper when he doesn’t get his own way and for some reason wants to keep his friends separate from me including a lady which he inappropriately decided to spend some one on one time with.

He cancelled. I took him out for brunch dressed up to the nines. He’s walking around looking hang dog because it’s so unfair. I’ve admitted I was wrong threatening to go on a date if he was going to and meet his lady friend. I needed him to see it from my point of view. He goes and meets a woman then i go and meet a man. His choice. Sauce for the goose etc. We can’t have a difference of opinion because he goes off the deep end every time. He just doesn’t get that a one on one is a no, but a group is a different thing. He just doesn’t want me to come along to meet her. He won’t say why. Saying that she is coming to a fundraiser I’m doing in a couple of weeks as a solo. That’ll be interesting. I won’t know her until I’m introduced. We do have a common friend the second woman who I will have a chat to when she arrives back in this country. I’ll see if I can get her to pass on the message that I find one on one time to celebrate her birthday with my husband is inappropriate. I’m a good looking fit and healthy woman. I get plenty of male attention but I don’t put myself in an inappropriate position.

His temper and throwing and breaking your glasses is an absolute dealbreaker but you don't come out of this smelling like roses either.

FartSock5000 · 30/10/2025 16:15

@GEW he has a crush on the former PA and it was absolutely a wee date to him but you ruined it and now he's mad at you for not letting him date the woman he fancies.

Don't be a pushover. Men are allowed friends but not dates and he knew he was crossing a boundary as a married man going out one on one with a woman he fancies.

You're not a fool and your instincts are bang on. I wonder what you'd find if you checked his browser history and phone? Be on guard, OP and good luck.

Hons123 · 30/10/2025 16:19

Nip it in the bud, set your boundaries, if you have not done it before marriage. He is not a partner - he is a husband, totally different. He made a vow, he puts you first, you put him first - if this is not the case, you are just 'dating'. Forbid him to go out with this woman, luncheon, shmuncheon, my arse.

ThreeTescoBags · 30/10/2025 16:20

Christ, what a horrible marriage. You both sound like Roald Dahl characters with your stropping and gloating.

Screamingabdabz · 30/10/2025 16:26

After your update I think you should both just give up the angst and go for full on swinging. It seems you both get off on the cat and mouse drama of sexual straying.

Bikergran · 30/10/2025 16:27

More detail and context, please.

Omgblueskys · 30/10/2025 16:28

Bikergran · 30/10/2025 16:27

More detail and context, please.

Given up thread

SandyDunesCoffeeShack · 30/10/2025 16:29

Waiting for the signs of how genuine this saga is

Boomer55 · 30/10/2025 16:33

I’ve got a lot of platonic male friends, who I go out to lunch with. Either you trust him or you don’t. 🤷‍♀️

Dissappearedupmyownarse · 30/10/2025 16:59

GEW · 30/10/2025 01:59

My husband wants to take another woman who I don’t know, but I think she’s unmarried, out for lunch because it was her birthday. I will be sat at home whilst he has lunch with her. It feels odd. I told him it was weird but he didn’t listen. I have been upset all day and decided that if he insists on going I will tell him I am also going out for lunch with someone else. I won’t actually meet anyone but I will go out. I set my clothes ready tonight before I went to bed. He asked where I was going tomorrow. I said I was going out to lunch with a man if he was going out with this woman. He went ballistic accusing me of jealousy turning it all around on me. Am I wrong to feel like this?

Whats good for the goose is good for the gander and all that!

Nestingbirds · 30/10/2025 17:21

Boomer55 · 30/10/2025 16:33

I’ve got a lot of platonic male friends, who I go out to lunch with. Either you trust him or you don’t. 🤷‍♀️

So you would not even invite your dh along? Even if he wanted to come??

HeyBert · 30/10/2025 17:33

@Splendidbouquet perfectly familiar, married for over half my life. I’m just not familiar with being so insecure in a relationship I’d be unhappy with my husband having lunch with someone else, resort to game playing to piss him off and to try to get him to realise my worth.

AngelicKaty · 30/10/2025 17:38

@GEW "I’m go off an a very big adventure. He’s been supportive so far. He’s actively encouraged it and bragging to all his mates about it." Is the very big adventure the rowing event you mentioned you're training for? How long will you be gone for? Is it possible he's "actively encouraging" you to do it because it will leave him free to meet up with the ex-PA for lunch - or whatever ...?

Splendidbouquet · 30/10/2025 17:40

HeyBert · 30/10/2025 17:33

@Splendidbouquet perfectly familiar, married for over half my life. I’m just not familiar with being so insecure in a relationship I’d be unhappy with my husband having lunch with someone else, resort to game playing to piss him off and to try to get him to realise my worth.

Well I agree with you that playing games was the wrong response.

And you obviously trust your H and he trusts you. And you are mutually agreed on your approach to friendships.

But every ones marriage is not the same as yours. And often women are suspicious with good reason when their husbands take women out for one to one lunches. In this case OP definitely has cause to think there is an inappropriate relationship between her H and this woman.

Shessweetbutapsycho · 30/10/2025 17:57

You are jealous.
And he has anger management issues.

SpanThatWorld · 30/10/2025 18:25

BatchCookBabe · 30/10/2025 15:00

@Screamingabdabz · Today 07:58

You’re such cool girls.

OP’s husband is clearly as innocent as a lamb spending all that time with another woman, talking her out for lunch, probably shagging her at the Christmas party and getting inappropriately aggressive when his wife questions it. Yep no red flags to see there at all.

Yep, this! I am gobsmacked at the devil may care attitude of some women on here, assuming their husband would never EVER get romantic or intimate with a female 'friend' if they go out for a meal together/meet up alone. He will never ever play away/dip his wick anywhere else, because they TRUST HIM.

SO much naivety. It's actually funny. Such sweet summer children ... 😂

What a nasty little comment. So much snark.

We've been married for 27 years. And we have always trusted one another. Because we are adults.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 30/10/2025 18:37

If OP hadn't said she told her dh she was going out with another man if he insisted on lunch with another woman SOMEONE would've posted advice telling her to say just that to see how her dh liked it. So piling on OP for that is ridiculous.

OP's dh is insisting on a special lynch date alone with another woman. He hit the roof when OP questioned it.

OP said her dh had a mysterious overnight stay after the Christmas party.

She is right to be suspicious.
He sounds angry and controlling.

I'd divorce him.

Milosc · 30/10/2025 20:05

This is just one giant, toxic relationship. He is likely cheating on you, gaslighting you and exhibiting violent behavior. You in return are manipulating him and obviously don't trust him. He is upset his date was cancelled and you are gloating about it. This sounds like the most miserable existence. You both need to LTB. This whole thing is absurd.

Freeme31 · 30/10/2025 22:33

This would be a no from me, it’s not lunch for her birthday it’s a date! If you don’t like it that should be enough for him not to go.

bridezillaincoming · 30/10/2025 22:58

My partner would absolutely not be taking any woman to lunch for their birthday unless it was his mother, sister or daughter! I think it’s so disrespectful!

HillOf · 31/10/2025 00:05

bridezillaincoming · 30/10/2025 22:58

My partner would absolutely not be taking any woman to lunch for their birthday unless it was his mother, sister or daughter! I think it’s so disrespectful!

Why, though? Why can he not have lunch with a woman who is not his immediate family on her birthday?

Gilgogirl · 31/10/2025 00:18

GEW · 30/10/2025 01:59

My husband wants to take another woman who I don’t know, but I think she’s unmarried, out for lunch because it was her birthday. I will be sat at home whilst he has lunch with her. It feels odd. I told him it was weird but he didn’t listen. I have been upset all day and decided that if he insists on going I will tell him I am also going out for lunch with someone else. I won’t actually meet anyone but I will go out. I set my clothes ready tonight before I went to bed. He asked where I was going tomorrow. I said I was going out to lunch with a man if he was going out with this woman. He went ballistic accusing me of jealousy turning it all around on me. Am I wrong to feel like this?

You should have asked to go bc you wanted to meet her too.

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