Husband’s wants to lunch with another woman

[GEW]

My husband wants to take another woman who I don’t know, but I think she’s unmarried, out for lunch because it was her birthday. I will be sat at home whilst he has lunch with her. It feels odd. I told him it was weird but he didn’t listen. I have been upset all day and decided that if he insists on going I will tell him I am also going out for lunch with someone else. I won’t actually meet anyone but I will go out. I set my clothes ready tonight before I went to bed. He asked where I was going tomorrow. I said I was going out to lunch with a man if he was going out with this woman. He went ballistic accusing me of jealousy turning it all around on me. Am I wrong to feel like this?

No, you are not wrong to feel like this. I’ve been in a similar situation and I understand how angry and hurt you are.

Telling him that you’re going out for lunch with another man is an anger response and I think if you were calm you wouldn’t think like that.

I wish I could offer a magic solution but I can’t. He might think he’s offering a platonic, friendly gesture because he has told you. I do think that some men just don’t realise when they’re being pursued. Was it his idea to go for lunch?

How often does he take YOU out for lunch?

What are you talking about?! My DH has female friends. He goes out to eat with them. What on earth is wrong with everyone on this thread?!

I think it’s weird. And his reaction to your reaction is even weirder and possibly quite telling. He should have just reassured you.

As others have said, the context of how he knows her is relevant. I have several male friends who I might go out to lunch with, especially if they thought I'd feel lonely on my birthday.

However, my ex did ask me if it was ok to do activity x with woman y. Her known her a few months. They did start an affair and he did use this as legitimising seeing her so my friends wouldn't be able to tip me off when they saw them together

My husband has days out on his own with female friends but they are my friends too and I'm always invited. I generally decline as a day alone in my sewing room is preferable. That's not the same as a lunch date alone with a single woman leaving the upset OP on her own and you are a gaslighting ninny.

No, you're not wrong to feel like this at all and the fact that he went "ballistic" and tried to gaslight you when you said you were also going out is very telling. I've been married for 43 years and if my DH suddenly announced he was taking another woman out for lunch because it's her birthday I'd be livid (particularly one I didn't know!) but the point is, my DH would expect me to be upset and he just wouldn't do it.
Why does your DH need to take her out for lunch for her birthday? Doesn't she have anyone she's 'close' to who would want to do that? When I think about the people I've taken out for lunch (or dinner) on their birthday, they are all people I care about very much (husband and close friends). It is odd and weird and you are right to feel this way about it. So, what will you do next?

It depends on who she is and how he knows her surely?

Even if they are colleagues, this isn't just a "work" lunch - he's taking this woman out for lunch specifically for her birthday. Why just him?

We need more information than that, OP! Who is she? An old friend, a colleague, someone from a hobby club, someone from his gym, a woman he met last week in a bus stop?!
I'd be fine with it if it were my husband, if it was an actual friend. And only then if he also does lovely things for MY birthday. If she gets a nice lunch out, but I got tea and toast in bed, I wouldn't be happy at all.

Hell no, sorry not had chance to read the whole thread so you may have said how he knows her but that's irrelevant. It's not even about trust it's about respect. It's not like he is sitting having a sandwich in the works canteen he is taking her out for lunch fgs. This would never work in my marriage, thankfully me and dh are on the same page about anything like this.

Sounds like he's going on a date.

Exactly this. I laughed when I read three PPs posts saying he wouldn't tell you if there was anything in it - I guess they must be new to MN! 🙄

Absolutely no way to know without knowing the context of their friendship. I have make friends where this would be absolutely fine, like guys from a shared hobby, where we would sit and talk about hobby for a few hours. But also have friends where it would be date like and very odd.

I wouldn't be happy about this either. If it was a long term friend who you know that would be different. It's very disrespectful of him.

This.
Why are you so bothered about him taking someone he knows out for a birthday lunch that you would purposely try to make him jealous and engineer an argument?
Is sounds such a toxic relationship.
If you can’t trust him, are jealous of who he spends time with and are fighting to get him to prove his love for you, it’s really not a good relationship.

And how many of them have you never met? (BTW, people who are having affairs also eat out together.)

If it's toxic perhaps it's something to do with OP's H thinking it's ok for him to take other women out on dates?

You don't seem very familiar with concept of marriage.

It is very much OP's business if he is taking women she doesn't know out for birthday treats. If he didn't have a close relationship with this OW he wouldn't be taking her out for her birthday celebration.

No, I agree with @AgentSmith2025. Yes it could be a purely platonic lunch between friends, but if his wife has said she is uncomfortable, then to take the other woman out for lunch is disrespectful. They cant be that good friends if op doesn’t know her, btw. We are all allowed to have different boundaries in our relationships, and just because pretty much everyone on here would be "cool girl" about their husband taking another woman out for a birthday lunch, it doesn't mean @GEW has to be. And just to add, I did have lunches with male colleagues.

Who is she? His friend, colleague?

Would you mind if it was a man that you didn’t know?

"Toxic relationship" - yawn. 🙄 Utter tosh. I've been married for 43 years and I would feel the same way as OP if my DH suddenly announced he was taking another woman out, who I didn't now, for lunch for her birthday, but he would never do this out of respect for my feelings and our marriage. Telling her 'D'H she was also going out for lunch was OP's way of making him realise what it feels like to be on the receiving end of such treatment, but it seems that taking this woman out for lunch is more important to OP's 'D'H than OP's feelings - indeed, his reaction is very telling and OP is right to feel upset about his behaviour.

What? This has to be a joke, isn't Omegle like chat roulette and brimming with dodgy pervs?

It very much depends how he knows her. Close work colleagues - fair enough.

Woman he met at the gym, nah that’s weird.

You playing tit for tat is weirder though.