Lied about his height

[rubberduck68]

I went on a date last night (met online). In his profile he said he was 6ft (I have nothing set for height restrictions) but when he turned up I knew he was not 6ft. My ex-husband, family members and male friends are 6ft. I know what 6ft looks like. I’d put him at 5ft 10” on a good day. I asked him about it and he said, “I’m 5ft 11” seemed silly to worry about an inch.” I don’t care how tall he is, but I am worried that this is an indication that he will lie about other things too? I don't date the men who put in their profile “Not really 55, 65” as though my chosen age filters are not important. Is this the same?

Anyone dated someone who lied about this online, and they turned out to be an honest, okay guy?

His response to being questioned is to lie again. He sounds insecure and that’s a major issue

I am not using his height against him. I am using him lying straight out of the gate against him.

Agree. I wonder what other lies they’re happy to overlook - age, the fact he’s married, number of kids, made up job.

Each to their own but a lie is a lie and it’s a deal breaker for me.

And contrary to what a PP has said, some of us are 100% honest, don’t filter photos and our OLD profiles are accurate

Meh, I detest lies, but I could forgive this one.

There is such a lot of self-image wound up in height for men. And whilst so many women on here will say they do not care about height, an awful lot will filter out average/below average heights on OLD.

OLD sucks for women, but I would say it equally sucks for men, if not more so.

However, if there is no chemistry then that is that. You don't need a reason, just say no to a 2nd date.

Why shouldn’t lies be called out! It’s not rude at all to pull someone up on dishonesty.

No because I think it’s an extremely rare person who can tell the difference between 10st and 10st 7 on sight on a fully clothed woman 😂. Same for height, I'm shocked people are immediately visually able to verify a two inch height difference.

95% of the men I went on internet/app dates with lied about their height, some dramatically so. It was so frequent that I actually got my flatmate to measure my height as I thought perhaps I’d been wrong about my own height for a number of years.

I totally understand your view that lying about something that you find inconsequential is silly because it just raises flags on their character. What I would say is that height can be a sensitive issue for men as apparently many women will only date a man 6’ or over. I didn’t want a giant, just someone taller than myself.

I did ask why they did it when it was very obvious on meeting in real life and got the following answers:
• It means you get a date which is an opportunity to impress in person that you wouldn’t have got if you were honest
• Why is height such a big deal?
• It’s only a couple of inches
• I didn’t know my height so I guessed
• Well I’m also not the age I put either as you can probably tell, I don’t stand a chance with the sort of women I want to date (younger) and I’m not interested in the ones who would actually date me*

You should use all your intuition when dating this way to weed out the ones who are not for you. You are allowed to have preferences and you are allowed to find this unacceptable. I’m not sure the weight comparison that some are making is quite the same given weight can be lost but they are not going to magically grow a few inches, and as you said it’s more about the fact they’d lie rather than the fact they are shorter because you don’t have a height preference.

*I actually walked past this guy on arriving at the pub we’d arranged because he was significantly different from the photos he’d shared. In fact in addition to being much shorter and older than he’d stated, he actually used a cousin’s photos and only had one of him which was years old and he was sat on a boat in the distance! He said he felt he’d missed the boat the first time around to get married and wanted kids and women his age were past it and he didn’t find them attractive. He was 23 years older than me at the time, I explained that I felt I was there under false pretences and he had wasted both of our time by lying because I was not interested in pursuing anything with him. He then started explaining to me why I was wrong including telling me I’d be sorry because he had a big bank balance and he was great in bed which was my cue to leave!

It's not just men though. Like I said I'd accept women fibbing slightly about their weight or everyone using slightly older/best ever photos too.

What about if someone dyes their hair, is that lying too? Or make up? Or wears a push up bra or shape wear to their date? All of that is mis-representing the "truth" of someone's appearance, if you get down to it.

I find the focusing on "lying" with no differentiation between different types of truth bending/inaccuracy as the worst ever sin possible and indicative of someones terribke character quite weird tbh.

Most people aren't 100% honest every single day. Everyone fibs to some extent, whether it's "lovely singing/drawing" to your tone deaf/non artistic small child, or "that was delicious" to your partner or the waiter when it was okay or nothing special, or "yep nearly finished" to your boss about a report, or "they knew you were with them," when someone dies, or even "honestly I dont love it and think your old hairstyle was more flattering but it really doesnt look as bad as you think" when a friend is worried about a new hairstyle.

I would consider rounding up your height or so a minor fib with no real consequences. At the end of the day, will dating someone who is 5'10 and a half have any actual impact on OP? No. And it is something that is apparent from the time you meet anyway so if its that big a deal to her she can just leave and never see him again. It's not like he can hide as being 6'5 for years and then only reveal the truth once they're married.

Compared to lying about having children or his financial situation etc which I would consider big/serious lies that could affect OP if they entered a relationship.

Personally I wouldn’t care.
But, trust your gut. When has it ever been wrong?
I think he’s not for you, you can’t put your finger on it so you’re rationalising it and making it about the ‘lie’. Because you said yourself height isn’t the issue here. I think he’s just probably not a good match, and that’s ok.

Have you literally never ever lied in your life? Small white lies occur everyday, from saying "I'm fine" when you're not, to saying "nice to see you" to a passing neighbour who you feel quite neutral about, to saying, "that was delicious" when a friend cooks food not much to your liking.

I'd find it more of a red flag that someone can be so uptight and mistrusting over rounding height up by a single paltry inch just so he doesn't get screened out by shallow women who think this matters. 6ft is an arbitrary height. It's 182.2 cm. In metric countries it might be rounded down to 180cm as the desirable cut off height. Which is 5'11.

Men can be shallow too. I am late fifties and know that so many men my age want younger women (not all but some) but I have not lied about my age to trick them into showing up on a first date with me?

As a previous poster pointed out, regular online daters always knock 2" off of a man's declared height. So, if he put 5'10' lots of women would automatically assume he was 5'8". That would rule him out for many women.

Plenty of shorter woman add on an inch or two on their profiles.

I have not lied about filter selections on a dating app, no. I respect other people's boundaries too much. He didn't round up anything. He typed in "6ft" as a choice. He lied as a choice.

It's because no one seems to know what 6ft is. I was recently chatting to a bloke, who was taller than me. We were comparing heights.
"So what are you, like, 6ft?" He asked.

I'm 5'9.

But i do live in an area where most men are my height or smaller. Presumably they all think they're 6ft.

People say my ds is tall. He's my height, which I don't consider tall for a man. But that's because I'm used to it.

I went on a date with someone who lied about his age and then corrected it with another lie. It transpired he'd also lied about the most important thing on his profile as well (claimed he was looking for a relationship - he wasn't). Arsehole.

How many men would?

Just noticed your age. Maybe he used to be taller but hasn'trealised. I keep saying I'm 5'9, but I'm a shade off now. Dh was 6ft when I met him, but has shrunk slightly. His posture is also poor, whereas mine is v upright.

Yep. And men do lie about their age.
I can't see the point on starting off a potential relationship with lies - if someone doesn't want to date me because of my age/height/dress size well then they're not the one for me. I wouldn't lie to attract them - why would you?|

Would you??? Why? When they meet you, they’re going to be able to see your weight / body type.

An extra inch can make a lot of difference..
Throw him back op.. He has probably lied about other areas of his profile.

Well, now you have mentioned it. He was a lot larger than his profile pics. I have a lot of menopause weight but my profile pics are all full length and recent. His clearly were not. I just don't get it, surely the jig is up on the first date? FYI, no I am not fat shaming, I have dated men of all heights, shapes and sizes. I just don't care as long as I like them, BUT I have dated liars and I know I don't like that. Just not sure if this lie is a red flag that he might be a liar generally, or not.

I don't know why you're asking then. I am on the 'not a big deal' side as there's lots of pressure on men now about height and he might have been burned before on that, like you have about lying. Other posters agree with me, but you're only interested in the ones who agree with you. You said yourself you switched off on the date itself immediately because of this. Stop wasting his time, your time and ours trying to justify it further and just don't see him again.

He realised. He admitted he'd lied about it on the date then got ahead of my concern by calling it "silly" to worry about that.

Look, this thread is a bit pointless isn't it. If you can't get past the lie, don't date him again. If it's not that big a deal and you liked him in person, there's no harm in a second date.

We don't know why he lied. Maybe he's a serial conniver desperate to get his end away, maybe he's a decent type who made an error of judgement.

You're the only one who's met him in person and can make the judgement OP.

I am interested in all opinions, in fact I asked to hear from someone who has experienced this but they turned out to be a good guy? It is not cut and dried for me. I want to know if lying about that on a dating app means that he is going to lie about other things. If I am wasting your time, just leave the thread?