Lied about his height

[rubberduck68]

I went on a date last night (met online). In his profile he said he was 6ft (I have nothing set for height restrictions) but when he turned up I knew he was not 6ft. My ex-husband, family members and male friends are 6ft. I know what 6ft looks like. I’d put him at 5ft 10” on a good day. I asked him about it and he said, “I’m 5ft 11” seemed silly to worry about an inch.” I don’t care how tall he is, but I am worried that this is an indication that he will lie about other things too? I don't date the men who put in their profile “Not really 55, 65” as though my chosen age filters are not important. Is this the same?

Anyone dated someone who lied about this online, and they turned out to be an honest, okay guy?

Size doesnt matter but the content of the heart. But personally he is a good height.

Maybe ask him why it says 6ft on his dating profile and if he cant answer honestly or you don't like the explanation find another one that's a bit more honest. It sounds like honesty is important to you and that is the issue. You want someone you can trust and feel comfortable being with.

This thread is still going!

I'd look at this very slight exaggeration of height like choosing a slightly inaccurate post code or location (if that was asked for) . It's done purely to widen the pool based on the algorithms of the website.

The 'blame' is that there must be many women who stipulate 'over 6' or 'at least 6' ' or the question would not even be asked on a profile! Websites want traffic and matches. If height wasn't an issue, it would not be included.

Why are women so hung up on height? That's the real issue.

Just think how it would look if women had to list their bra size- based on the idea that men would only consider anything over 34DD!

It's the same concept.

Sounds like insecurity for me. Go for it if you like insecure people!

JosephineBoneApart, two posts up.

Just think how it would look if women had to list their bra size- based on the idea that men would only consider anything over 34DD!

• I wouldn't use a dating service that forced me to list my bra size.
• I would rather be alone than be with a man who listed a minimum bra size, even if I met or exceeded what he'd asked for.

Why are women so hung up on height? That's the real issue.

Men shouldn't lie. They should raise their standards and reject shallow women.

Of all the things you could be worried about you think it's completely unacceptable that this man added an inch to his height.
I'm no expert but I would imagine it's a rare online dating profile, male or female, that is 100% honest.

But if height is mandatory, what is a man supposed to do?
It's not about men raising their standards.

Online dating is a pure numbers game. It's about being visible to as many people as possible.

It's the websites that need to change because according to women here, who use them, the filters for being 6' and over throw up far more men .

Plenty of posters have made the same comments about age.
The cut off for many men is 49. If you were 50 last week and that's only going to make your profile visible to 50% of the men (who look at 40-49 ages), would you tell a white lie? I would.

The fault is the websites. In real life no one goes around measuring anyone's height or asking their age in the first few minutes when they meet.

But if height is mandatory, what is a man supposed to do?

Close his account and use a different website where height isn't mandatory. Not date online. Be single. No one is entitled to a date.

Online dating is a pure numbers game. It's about being visible to as many people as possible.

That's a quantity over quality approach that tramples over women's stated boundaries. Sure, if you lie about your height, you are visible to more women, but a proportion of those women explicitly do not want you. If I set a boundary about something, no matter how small or shallow, and a man violates it, how can I trust him not to violate important boundaries about things like sex?

NO ONE IS ENTITLED TO A DATE so there is no circumstance under which lying to get a date is acceptable. I had expected posters on a female-majority forum not to tout incel arguments.

@selffellatingouroborosofhate

I don’t think everyone feels this militant about it. If someone wants to manipulate the algorithms to get more hits, that wouldn’t bother me. It’s not as though they can hide their height or age in person.

As pp said, I don’t think I even knew the height of my previous long-term boyfriends. What difference would it have made?

It's not a matter of militancy, but of recognising that a lie to hook you in before you've even met is a massive red flag.

Justifying and minimising it because "how else are these poor men meant to get dates?" is incel thinking.

No one has the right to a date. Only misogynists think otherwise.

I guess I don’t see it as “a lie to hook me in.”

@selffellatingouroborosofhate Don't you think your choice of words is rather extreme for 3cm added to height? God, I'd like to see how much of a twist you get yourself in over something really important.

Justifying and minimising it because "how else are these poor men meant to get dates?" is incel thinking.

Incels?

Save your anger for really important issues.
And maybe think about the companies running these sites.
The fact they have algorithms and data which excludes men (and women) by centimetres is the real issue. And if the searches show women opt for '6ft and over' maybe women need to give their heads a wobble too.

NO ONE IS ENTITLED TO A DATE so there is no circumstance under which lying to get a date is acceptable. I had expected posters on a female-majority forum not to tout incel arguments.

Increasing your height by 3cm doesn't entitle anyone to a date.

You have some very odd ideas.

I wouldn't know what height i was. I couldn't tell you the last time i measured my height or weighed myself.

How would you know if he was an inch taller or shorter? Do you take a measuring tape on a date? Would you include hair which has been styled and standing up in their height or does the hair need to be flat? is it height with shoes on or off?

Hands up those people who have measured their height in the last 6 months?

this is an absolutely absurd thread.

Cos men are never shallow right?

I like short men, personally.

Saying that you are 6ft when you know that you are actually 5ft 11, 4ft 11, or anything else less than 6ft, to circumvent someone's boundaries expressed as a filter, is absolutely acting like you are entitled to a date. It's acting like your ability to get a date trumps someone else's boundaries concerning what height they like.

The fact they have algorithms and data which excludes men (and women) by centimetres is the real issue.

Vote with your feet. The only argument against voting with your feet goes something like "if I leave this dating site, I won't be able to get my dick wet so easily", which would be that "acting like you have a right to a date" attitude I was talking about.

And if the searches show women opt for '6ft and over' maybe women need to give their heads a wobble too.

As I have already said, if someone is filtering you out based on something as shallow as height, you didn't want to date them anyway. That doesn't mean that you get to trample their boundaries on that, far from it.

Don't you think your choice of words is rather extreme for 3cm added to height? God, I'd like to see how much of a twist you get yourself in over something really important.

If you are willing to lie to me about 3cm, what else are you willing to lie to me about? Still being married? Attitude towards having kids? The date and result of your last STI test? C'mon, learn to recognise a red flag when you see it. The Freedom Programme is really good for this.

I think that you fundamentally fail to recognise that someone who will lie to you about little things will lie about big things too. This has been well-understood for a long time, being documented in the New Testament (Luke 16:10-13) and still written about in modern times.

You seem to have a very paranoid, trauma-centered approach to human relationships. Not all of us are so jaded, wary or suspicious.

The Relationships forum is full of the women who were not "jaded, wary or suspicious" and have been burned.

Hands up those people who have measured their height in the last 6 months?

You think your height changes on a monthly basis? Wow!

Maybe that's because no one who is happy is going to post about it? 😂
It's called bias.

This thread is utterly bonkers in places.

I can't be bothered to read further than the first few lines of your post because it's just so ridiculous.

If you are willing to lie to me about 3cm, what else are you willing to lie to me about? Still being married? Attitude towards having kids? The date and result of your last STI test? C'mon, learn to recognise a red flag when you see it. The Freedom Programme is really good for this.

Hilarious.😂

You can stop the patronising. And don't bother quoting the bible. I'm an atheist.

There is no logical connection between adding 3cm to get round an algorithm and REAL lies like still being married etc.

I've never even known the height of most men I've dated. They were all a bit taller than me. I don't go out with a tape measure.

The OP and others here come over as 'foot stamping, sulky teenagers who need to get a sense of proportion.

'Ooooh- you said you were 6ft and you're just 5 11. In fact, on a good day I'd put you at 5 10. Right, I'm off, you lied to me which means you will be a liar about anything. Byeeeee!'

Totally ridiculous.

This thread has gone wild!

Adding an extra inch to your online height = murderer. 🙄

My husband added a couple of cm. Never lied about anything else. He’s 5’5 maybe to my 5’4

Agree. These look ickle men who are forced to lie because of these shallow women - what a crock of shit

Mo one has to lie - they chose to lie deliberately. That doesn’t bother someone people - that’s fine it’s their call. But some of the comments bring thrown at women who prefer not to give a liar a chance are just pathetic

And this ‘everyone lies in their dating profiles’ - no not everyone does so stop judging people who are completely honest by your own dishonest standards

I’d rather not date than do it under false pretences