Lied about his height

[rubberduck68]

I went on a date last night (met online). In his profile he said he was 6ft (I have nothing set for height restrictions) but when he turned up I knew he was not 6ft. My ex-husband, family members and male friends are 6ft. I know what 6ft looks like. I’d put him at 5ft 10” on a good day. I asked him about it and he said, “I’m 5ft 11” seemed silly to worry about an inch.” I don’t care how tall he is, but I am worried that this is an indication that he will lie about other things too? I don't date the men who put in their profile “Not really 55, 65” as though my chosen age filters are not important. Is this the same?

Anyone dated someone who lied about this online, and they turned out to be an honest, okay guy?

I did not assassinate him on here, and he was not “dumped.” He’s a stranger who I met once for one hour. OLD has its peculiarities and is different for everyone, and my post was a curiosity to understand if these types of lies are normal practice or not. I am enlightened.

Unless you put on your dating profile 5'1" whilst thinking that you were 5'2", you didn't lie to your DH about your height to get past the height filters that men might put on their searches.

It's the combination of the lie, the disregard for women's stated boundaries (which is what search filters are; thank you @Seagullstopitnow for that insight), and the gaslighting that is the problem. Not the factual inaccuracy. A genuine mistake, as yours was, is not the same as a lie, a boundary violation, and gaslighting when called out.

All the people who are saying that it's no big deal are ignoring the lie, the boundary violation, and the gaslighting.

If a woman lied about her weight or measurements, intentionally, to bypass a man's filter, she'd be violating his boundaries too.

If someone is shallow enough to filter you out because of a body dimension,

1. they have the right to that boundary, no matter how shallow it is
2. you didn't want to date them anyway.

It's wrong because it's ignoring people's boundaries and it's counterproductive because you'll just waste time on endless first dates with people who block you when they realise that you've catfished them.

OP is correct. The worst OLD outcome for a woman is murder. This fact underpins all the safety advice we are given in the apps about meeting in a public place, letting a friend or relative know our plans, not giving our address or workplace immediately...

Where do you draw the line between that and women who present themselves with perfect make up, coloured hair , push up bras, and filtered mages? (Men can't do most of those!)

Makeup, hair dye, and foundation garments (for both sexes, I add) have been around for centuries. Men and women alike have used various compounds (some toxic) as makeup, henna and indigo on their hair, and corsetry for a very long time. It's a given that both sexes will continue to use comparable physical enhancements.

Unlike hair dye, makeup, and foundationwear, image filters cannot be applied in real life. They are a clear attempt to deceive by creating a physically impossible image of a person. Telling someone that you are a different height or weight than you know that you are is also a clear attempt to deceive, because you are telling someone something impossible. You cannot change your height and, if your weight is subject to change, you should update it often because you cannot lose or gain a stone overnight. Or you can omit that information.

Drawing the line is easy: if you cannot continue the effect in real life, it's on the "lie" side of the line.

Yeah, and a paunchy 60-year-old insecure about his height is a potential murderer….

Yes. Murderousness doesn't stop at 50. Harold Shipman was murdering well into his fifties.

A woman who doesn't treat all men as a possible threat is an idiot.

It happens a lot. A guy claimed he was 5ft 7 but when we met we were eye to eye. I’m 5ft 2. He was maybe 5ft 3 at a push.

He was a complete weirdo in the end.

I understand a couple of inches but lying about 5 inches is ridiculous and makes you look delusional.

Lol. Ok, Miss Marple.

You mock because you don't have a counter-argument.

Leroy Nash was 66 when he committed his last murder. Guo Zhihong was 95. Murder has no upper age limit. No woman can know what is in a man's head, so all men pose an unknown risk to us. We are wise never to assume that that risk is zero.

I did not assassinate him on here, and he was not “dumped.” He’s a stranger who I met once for one hour. OLD has its peculiarities and is different for everyone, and my post was a curiosity to understand if these types of lies are normal practice or not. I am enlightened.

I don't think you're being honest with yourself. You spent 2 days on here talking about a man you met for an hour. You were very much in the 'He's a liar' camp. You didn't engage with posters who said it was nothing to get worked up about.
My view is you'd made your mind up from the very start and just wanted it confirming.

You didn't ask if this was normal practice. You asked if someone who added an inch to their height (which you decided was a big deal) turned out to be an okay guy.

I expect he knew from the moment you called him out of this that you weren't right for him. You have said you weren't interested so that would have come over.

I don't think there is any logical connection between adding an inch to your height to widen the pool of searches and being a downright liar and bad person.

To put it in perspective, people using OLD as they approach 60 are going to have a lot of baggage with former relationships, children, their own insecurities about their looks and age. Someone upping their height by an inch is neither here nor there.

I'm overweight but I weigh more than I look, if you know what I mean. Therefore I don't own up to how much I weigh and knock off at least half a stone because it sounds horrific. This doesn't mean I tell lies about other things as a matter of course. I don't. It's not always an indicator of shiftiness.

NRTET but when I was on the apps I switched between my real height of 5’10 and 6’. I would confidently say my matches/interaction went up by over 100% when I was 6 foot. A man has a far better chance of being attractive if they are 6’ as opposed to 5 foot something . I don’t think 2’ is a big deal and no one seemed bothered.

is it really any different to the women who filter their photos, or take them at an angle where they look slimmer? I went on a few dates where the women looked NOTHING like their profile pics , one must have been 5 dress sizes bigger in real life. They know that if they appear slimmer, they have a better chance of getting a date.

i don’t get the age lying, but a small height increase I don’t see as a problem. Obviously there’s limitations, a 5’5 man claiming ti be 6’ is going to get found out. Also worth bearing in mind if in mind that a lot of people don’t really know their height, I only know mine because of hospital appointments, but how many people get a tape measure out and measure themselves?!

I don't like tall men and 6' would be the absolute tops for me. I'd prefer 5 10" - 5 11 !

I would say it was a non issue. I would think 95% of people who use o line dating lie in one way or another.

I think all these things are lies… an old pic where you look healthier or lighter , using filters on your pic, knocking a year or five off your age, height, weight etc. the list goes on

I agree with you OP, I don't like liars and if someone lies to me the first time I meet them I'm definitely not interested. Very strange how many people are telling you to accept a liar. Makes me wonder if they lie a lot in life and therefore are more willing to accept it in other people. To me, if someone is willing to lie about the little unimportant things they are likely to lie about the big things too. Massive red flag.

You can be six feet tall and have terrible posture so… hardly a red flag

He wasn't six feet with bad posture though. Why are people justifying lying? It's so odd.

Lol I've heard it all now. I am 6 ft, honest guv, I just have really bad posture 🤣

I'm bang on 5ft 7. Every man I know who is over two inches taller than me believes himself to be around 6 ft. Men my height are 5 10 apparently. I suppose it makes sense as they are comparing themselves to all the other delusionists.

My partner had 5,10 on his profile, I knew he wasnt. Hes 5, 9.5 and I take the piss out of him for it now. Honestly go with your gut about him not his height.

I always said I won't go with someone under 5,10 but I havent been this happy in years

You noticed the half inch?! Honestly I’ve been happily married for 12 years and I’m not entirely sure how tall my DH is 😬. I’ve never asked!

Yep i did 😂😂😂

Hey half an inch can make all the difference 🤪

As the mother of a son, who is really insecure about his height (he is shorter than all his male counterparts). I really hopes he will not go on dates with shallow women. How many women use filters on their profile pictures, use AI to make themselves look slimer, enter their weight in as a couple of pounds lighter. But hope once they are on the date their personality will shine threw. To judge someone over an inch is really on you not him.

I think it depends. I’m 5ft 2 and don’t wear heels so when a guy writes 5ft 7 on his profile I expect him to be taller than me - not the exact same height.

It did put me off when I saw he is my height not because he is short but because it’s so obviously a glaring lie.

If he had claimed he was 5ft 3 or 5ft 4 and been 5ft 2, I’d not have thought anything of it but 5ft 7 was too much of a stretch. I didn’t mention it to him as there was no point, but it did make me feel he was insecure hiding behind a facade of confidence.

I do agree there are various deceptions that both men and women use though, which is why I always say once you’re comfortable enough with someone you’ve met online, it’s best to meet sooner rather than later so you don’t have this fantasy of a person in your mind who turns out to be different.

The poor guy hasn't got a hope in he'll if you are this bothered about something so minor already. Its a dating profile. I have used online dating in the past and while I don't tolerate lying, I wouldn't vilify someone for just trying to put their best foot forward ( as they see it) on a dating app. Saying one is 6ft when in fact one is 5ft 5" or that one is 25 years old when one is 50 are outright untruths designed to deceive. This really isn't enough to call someone a liar and disparage their whole character.