Lied about his height

[rubberduck68]

I went on a date last night (met online). In his profile he said he was 6ft (I have nothing set for height restrictions) but when he turned up I knew he was not 6ft. My ex-husband, family members and male friends are 6ft. I know what 6ft looks like. I’d put him at 5ft 10” on a good day. I asked him about it and he said, “I’m 5ft 11” seemed silly to worry about an inch.” I don’t care how tall he is, but I am worried that this is an indication that he will lie about other things too? I don't date the men who put in their profile “Not really 55, 65” as though my chosen age filters are not important. Is this the same?

Anyone dated someone who lied about this online, and they turned out to be an honest, okay guy?

I think it's good that the OP has let him go, he can find someone that isn't so superficial and OTT about height (regardless of the protestations that they are not bothered by height).

There is a ridiculous trend to filter out men to be 6ft and above, that's why he did it, doesn't mean that he is a dangerous man who is lying about everything.

All of this over 1 inch.

Yes, and he was keen, so he wasn't offended by my directness. I've had toxic exes who lied at the outset (small things) and over time that became a pattern, so I will say that just like everyone who is dating, I have my own awareness that is personal to me. Whilst some might have given him a chance, lying was a red flag for me, and this time I acted on it early.

I will decide what is for me or not, but being in awareness about safety does not exclude the ability to enjoy something.

Did you tell him what turned you off?

(just curious about his reaction)

Nope. It is not my job to fix men on the internet.

The filters are there so that women can make choices about their preferences. If they want a man over 6ft that's their choice. If a man wants a woman who is 60 but he draws the line at sixty one, that is his choice. If either are lied to by someone who is convinced their charm and good looks will make up for their boundary violation, they have a right to call that out.

So you’ve declined a second date and won’t be seeing him again?

Yes, and I get that some OPs on here will think he's had a lucky escape from me, but the important thing is that we will both move on to better prospects.

I don’t like the lying and I’m with you on the age thing too. But it will reduce the pool a lot as they all add an inch on.
it’s so annoying as I’m almost 6’ myself, would date someone a little smaller but if a guy is 5’9 is he actually 5’9 or actually 5’7 (I wouldn’t be able to date someone that small tbh even though I wish I could my internalized mysoginy won’t let me)

I agree op. I had an ex who lied and said I was only his second bumble date but then told me a story a couple of months later about a bumble date that was clearly diffenrt from the other only other bumble date story. I was really put out but a couple of friends hushed my worries away. The guy ended being a total head ache, drinking issues, said he loved me too soon, punched my hand while he was holding it then convinced me he was trying to punch his own hand so I shouldn’t make a fuss, cried about how im too good for him, kept texting me saying he loved me or was suicidal after breaking up… the list goes on!

I think it's better to just walk away with graciousness and dignity, than to adversarially "call out" a complete stranger, whose background, motivations, etc., you really know nothing about.

It depends on how you want to play the game, for you it is very black and white, personally I believe in nuance.

Age filters typically include people 2 years out of the range. But essentially you're saying that someone has strict filters for 60, they happen to be on the app past midnight and someone's birthday is that day and has pushed them to 61. Your black and white limits mean that we're talking about an age difference of 1 minute being the difference between a Yes and No.

I can understand lying over height when it is 1/2 foot to 1 foot, but not an inch, same with age, 1 year is very different to a decade etc.

And it's even more bizarre when you factor in that people can drop 1 inch in height throughout the day.

But agree with you that he is now free to found better prospects.

wow.

I find the men on online dating quite scary.

I just went on a date with a man from online dating.

On the first date he told me that he was looking for a woman to slap him, spit on him dominate him and degrade him. He said sneeringly that too many women are "too vanilla".

He said that to me on our first date! We went for drinks.

Theres a lot to be said for being single. I am safe when im single for a start

😮

My two ex’s lied about their appearances on a dating app. One lied about his body type, saying he was athletic/average and he had a belly the size of a watermelon. The other one lied about his height. Said he was 5’8” when he’s really about 5’6.5”. I’m 5’7”. None of this bothered me at all. I really liked them and never thought about these lies.

Well eventually they began to lie about other things. The one that lied about his height had Napoleon complex, with strong narcissistic traits. Was always making fun of me and putting me down. And this on top of the other lies. We ended things but stayed friends and over time realized he was a pathological liar and cheater (he cheated on subsequent girlfriends). The ex who said he was athletic ended up cheating on me. I found evidence that I questioned him about over the years and he denied it but finally I caught him out.

I don’t date now mainly for this reason. So many liars, and if they can lie about the small stuff they will lie about the bigger stuff.

Women do it too. We all do.

Women don't lie about height, as men don't care how tall we are. Women lie about weight.

My male friend told me that he goes on tinder dates. The woman looks like a size 10 on her profile. He meets her and she is a size 18

It was obvious from your first post that you were going to ditch him. I think you wanted 'supporters' to confirm that and you've chosen to go with that.

One thing that stands out is that ,after your latest updates about having been in toxic/abusive relationships before, is to consider if you're possibly over-reacting to things that are not abusive or 'toxic' in any way.

Calling this 'boundary violation' is extreme language (when a man added an inch to their height to widen the pool of 'possibles'. )

Where do you draw the line between that and women who present themselves with perfect make up, coloured hair , push up bras, and filtered mages? (Men can't do most of those!)

Maybe it would have been kinder to mention why you didn't want to see him again. It's hardly 'sorting him out' (your words to that effect.)

OLD is brutal as you get older. It's not nice to be rejected and not know why- only adds to insecurity. Most people doing OLD as they approach 60 feel insecure and the pool of suitable partners is very shallow.

Most people will wonder 'what they did wrong' especially if they felt some chemistry. Gentle feedback costs nothing. Wouldn't it have been kinder to tell the truth? I'm sure you'll say 'He doesn't deserve an explanation' but it's more about you retaining the high moral ground and being honest.

@rubberduck68 you were dismissed . He didn’t see it as an issue so he didn’t see why you would . He then called you silly .

Nope no way would I date him again .

She chose to be highly upset and offended. Maybe he was embarrassed by her reaction to something so minor. She put him on the spot like a teacher telling some naughty child off.

People don't always get their words right, especially in the first few minutes of meeting a stranger. He was saying 'Let's not get bogged down in something so 'minor' (ie silly) as this.

He thought it was silly- not her. There is a difference.

I wasn’t highly upset or offended, nor did I speak to him like a teacher. You were not on the date,

It is very common practice after just one date to give a generic “thank you but no thank you,” no one needs a character assassination!

A lie is a lie. I wonder if he had lied about the number of siblings he has, or his age, or his job... people on here who defend him now would still do so.

You're missing the point maybe on purpose, maybe not.

Of course you're entitled to not give a reason. BUT that's more often to do with some obvious incompatibility, like no chemistry.

You assassinate him here but for all your talk about honesty you were unable to be honest with him on why you have dumped him.

I said that given you are so adamant he lied it may have been worth saying why. You said you weren't going to 'fix' your dates (ie offer them therapy.)
That's going a bit far.

You do come over as very rigid and black/white in your behaviour and thoughts.

That's completely illogical. Read all the posts here about white lies and how people do it all the time. A lie is not a lie. I bet you've lied about loads of stuff. Maybe agreeing with folks when you don't, or saying you like a friend's outfit when you don't, etc etc.