Husband and sex demands

[Mumof2andacrazydog]

My husband has always had high sex drive since we met at 16. Way more than me. It has caused lots of fall outs over the years as I hear a lot about “his needs” he’s very selfish with his demands and will not open his eyes to see the bigger picture. Things like, coming in from work, bad mood, no conversation & then thinking at bedtime I want to jump on him. Holiday abroad in room next to teenagers with a sliding door & he expects to have full flow sex the minute the door shuts. he didn’t speak to me on holiday for 5 days because I refused his demands.
At home, the teenagers in room next door and he just doesn’t care as it’s all about him.
That is just a snippet of it.
In the last few months I have had no interest in sex whatsoever. I’m guessing perimenopause has kicked in going by other things, but I honestly have no interest. The minute I get to bed, he has no interest in a cuddle, it’s just poking/prodding/hands down my pjs instantly. I can’t cope with that & it ends in a fall out as he says I never want to do anything etc. I turned over the other morning and was actually still dozing & he was groping me saying let
me tease you. It would be ok if he’d actually cuddle or be nice but he’s no interest in that, he thinks been nice and showing interest is sex. He says his needs are more than once or twice a month. I say nothing now because he doesn’t listen and he doesn’t see my side ever. He just goes in a mood and doesn’t speak to me.
I know there’s not much advice anyone can give but really just wondered if anyone else is in a similar situation and how do you handle it. Thank you x

I divorced my 1st husband at 28 for exactly this after being with him for 13 years

He sounds horrible.
I couldn’t tolerate that and would have to leave him.
Only you can decide if letting him own your body is a worthwhile payout to stay married.

He’s a sex pest, it’s an awful way to live and I’m sure you feel revolted by him. I’m not sure you can come back from this or educate him on his behavior as it sounds like he’s got away with it for years? Treating you like a piece of meat ge can just play with on demand. So sorry OP but I’m afraid I’d be out of the door in this situation or maybe try some marriage counseling to let him learn how his behavior impacts of people around him.

if he selfish in other parts of life?

I think it’s Dumping-Selfish-Twat time op. Seriously, he won’t change, if you are worth more than this (and you are!), consider legal advice and a route to a happier life.

A moody bastard who is selfish in bed. He sounds repulsive. I would have to end the relationship.

Sounds like he thinks he's still 16..
Honestly when your dc leave home will he be buried soon after under the patio?
Don't risk jail just get rid of him via divorce..
Ick doesn't cover it imo.

He’s not going to change because he doesn’t think there’s a problem.

Him touching and groping you when you’ve shown absolutely no interest and/or said no is assault. Him giving you the silent treatment when you’ve say no is abuse. Him using abuse to try and make you give in is coercion. If you give in and have sex to make him leave you alone or agree to sex to avoid negative consequences then you aren’t really consenting. Rape doesn’t have to be violent to be rape.

Yuk, that sounds horrible. I don't understand it when they just think they can have your body whenever they want without even being nice to you. And then sulk and give you the silent treatment, it's not exactly sexy behaviour likely to turn you on is it?!

I don't have any advice for you in afraid. As others have said, you'll have to decide if his behaviour is worth enduring for the sake of a stable home for your teenagers and yourself. I don't think I could stand it for very long to be honest.

You do not have to tolerate this.

He’s revolting.

You have one precious life - don’t waste any more time having to tolerate this animal

Ick you can leave. Is he addicted to porn by any chance ? He can sort himself out sometimes persumably too? Nah, you are not unreasonable

The only way to handle a sexual abuser is to leave them. You're peri so you've been enduring this for 25 years or more? Time to say enough.

Please talk to someone about this.
It is not ok
Nhs counsellor via your gp
or 24/7 Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Line share.google/ojhSEF8jEAHvbb9bk

He’s a repulsive sex pest who thinks with his dick that coercion and borderline sexual assault is normal behaviour.

You don’t have to live like this for the rest of your life

I couldn’t live with that at all. He’s horrid op.

No shame or respect for you or the kids. Get rid.

I divorced a sex pest like this and I still feel sick when I think about him.

Thank you for all taking the time to reply. He turns it on to me all the time, like there’s something wrong with me that I don’t want to do it every time we get in to bed or after him giving me silent treatment all night for example or the kids wandering about the house. He’s generally in bed sleeping before me at nights and off to work before me I’m up in the morning.
holiday last year was awful, took the huff for 5 days abroad. Who does that?!
He is so demanding when it does happen - do this. Do that. Why are you so boring.
I told him many times over the years that I have very different sex interest to him and he can like it or lump it. Every so often it comes to a head and a fall out. Like this morning has.
I appreciate the replies, I have a lot to think about

Not to my knowledge. Yeah he can, he is not always a selfish d**k

It’s reassuring to hear you don’t think I’m in the wrong. I’ve never had a high sex drive other than spells during pregnancy. If he would actually be nice and show affection other than just his d**k it would help

Have you sat him down at a time where its not just happened, neutral territory, and explained to him what you have here, highlighting that its hard to show interest in him when he doesn't show interest in you and that you find being harassed really unattractive and off putting, and asking him why he thinks you would want to have sex with him when he's been grumpy and unloving all day?
BTW I think he's a dick and you should leave him because he's treating you like a fucking sexual washing machine, he needs doing so he expects to put the machine on and away you go, which is disgusting, but im curious what his reaction would be to 'why would i want to have sex with you when you arent nice to me or fun to be around' would be.

Op is this every night? I have re-educated my partner (!) to try to understand the need for emotional connection and feeling SUPPORT that women need before sexual intimacy. Not saying he gets it right every time but it’s sinking in. Take it you’ve gone over all this with him? And he’s still going straight for the poking and prodding? 🙄 what a pain

Nothing clamps a vagina up quicker than a partner who is like this!!!
He's treating you like a domestic appliance that is there to solely service his wants and needs. Plus he's sexually assaulting you in your sleep (yes, this is a criminal act) and for me this would be my definitive red line in the sand for ending this relationship.
There will be very good advice on here so take it but there will also be some claptrap about rights and trying harder to service his needs but please ignore this outdated, misogynistic nonsense - it doesn't deserve your consideration one iota.

Your first step should be (if you can face it) to contact domestic abuse services in your area because what you are experiencing is abuse. DA services are not just for those who are suffering from physical abuse although the sex aspect could be seen as such.

How many times have you 'given in' to his demands for sex in order to get some peace from the nagging - because I bet it's a lot in recent years.
Are you (and your DC) walking on eggshells in anticipation of his moods or to avoid triggering an outburst?
Are you and your DC 'adoring' of him and fawning over him to avoid getting the worst of his moods/words/actions etc?
What's the age gap between you?
Do you work?
Is he controlling of all the finances?

It’s sexual assault and rape if he has sex with you when you haven’t consented/are asleep. Lots of men seem to think this behaviour is acceptable. Men who are already domestically abusive - please read up on what domestic abuse actually is as there’s a lot to it and there’s no need for women to put up with this anymore.

I’m sorry op but I have absolutely no idea why you haven’t divorced this horrible man. It’s difficult to respond because presumably there’s a good reason you’re putting up with this? It would help to tailor our help to you if we could understand for what reason you haven’t divorced.