Husband and sex demands

[Mumof2andacrazydog]

My husband has always had high sex drive since we met at 16. Way more than me. It has caused lots of fall outs over the years as I hear a lot about “his needs” he’s very selfish with his demands and will not open his eyes to see the bigger picture. Things like, coming in from work, bad mood, no conversation & then thinking at bedtime I want to jump on him. Holiday abroad in room next to teenagers with a sliding door & he expects to have full flow sex the minute the door shuts. he didn’t speak to me on holiday for 5 days because I refused his demands.
At home, the teenagers in room next door and he just doesn’t care as it’s all about him.
That is just a snippet of it.
In the last few months I have had no interest in sex whatsoever. I’m guessing perimenopause has kicked in going by other things, but I honestly have no interest. The minute I get to bed, he has no interest in a cuddle, it’s just poking/prodding/hands down my pjs instantly. I can’t cope with that & it ends in a fall out as he says I never want to do anything etc. I turned over the other morning and was actually still dozing & he was groping me saying let
me tease you. It would be ok if he’d actually cuddle or be nice but he’s no interest in that, he thinks been nice and showing interest is sex. He says his needs are more than once or twice a month. I say nothing now because he doesn’t listen and he doesn’t see my side ever. He just goes in a mood and doesn’t speak to me.
I know there’s not much advice anyone can give but really just wondered if anyone else is in a similar situation and how do you handle it. Thank you x

All of this.

Oh, do piss off, mate

You do know ,you don't have to stay..you can leave .
He is not going to change ..but you can choose to put yourself first

Why are you with him?

This.

It's rape OP.

It's horrendous being with a man like this. It will never change, Save what's left of your soul and leave.

Mine told me if we ever had a baby we'd be having anal as he wasn't going without sex for weeks, He said we needed to start now so I'd be used to it for when the time came....... I declined both.

Vile pig. Should have left him as soon as this shit started,

The first time I refused sex he cried for a solid hour, Wailing, snotty sobbing at how the love had gone and not having sex was the beginning of the end. Then it progressed to where OP is currently and eventually he just started raping me in my sleep.

These men have the devil in them.

Give your head a shake.

The line is somewhere around the point where men sexually assault and rape their partners.

I'm starting to think these men purposely seek out women with lower sex drives so they can abuse them. This isn't what you do to someone you love,

No normal man resorts to becoming a rapist for more sex. They just get it somewhere else.

Am i the only one who finds this a bit disturbing????

Oh OP, quite simply you deserve oh so much better than this. I very much doubt he'll change so my advice is simply for you to ask yourself whether you wish to spend this one precious life that you have enduring such abusive behaviour from a man who is supposed to respect, love and cherish you. If you don't you really only have one option and that's to leave him and create a life that makes you happy.

No you are not the only one @Cheese55 . Very disturbing and concerning. Some posters just want to knock women down at their lowest or be adversarial for the sake of it. Best to just ignore. OP has had some good advice and support from the vast majority thankfully.

OP, the issue is about control and it's domestic violence. Seek support from Women's Aid. He has zero respect for you and he is eroding your self esteem and self worth. He doesn't have ' needs' but using this as an excuse to abuse you.

Nope. What a load of tripe.

I left my exH over this issue and it wasn't even as bad as that.

That is a very good point about therapy and DA.

I hadn't thought of that.

There is nothing worse than an abusive partner and you are right that this does sound like that.

The friend I pulled up on saying his needs aren't being satisfied certainly doesnt fall into that category. His wife is my oldest and best friend of 40 years and what happened after I pulled him up was a good discussion on menopause and changes and to satisfy himself in the shower. 😂

A few years back though. Another friend of my wife. Her husband made comments like this a lot but with a horrible tone and always with a derogatory remark. There was no light banter or humour when told he was being an arse. He certainly did not like me at all as I did not argue with him or get loud or any of his "i'm a man and this is how a man acts" reactions. I simply and calmly pointed out he when he was being an arse and calmly stood and smiled at him while he got angry. She divorced him quite quickly and is now in a very good relationship. It took a lot of strength for her to stand up to him. Seeing her shaking with fear while she did it will always stick with me. No one should ever have to be afraid of those who supposedly love them.

Indeed but it is 💯 how some men think. I have seen very similar posts on the sex board

I was in a similar situation.Touching groping comments on how lovely I looked.Peri menopause made me feel dreadful and I was exhausted and depressed.Still he persisted.He was a real porn addict.
Mine said I was dried up within earshot of the teens.He used to get angry or moody if I didn't want sex.
This went on for years.Now we haven't had sex in years so nothing like a gropy sex pest to make me go from a high sex drive to zero.

That is actually horrific. 😡

This is our culture unfortunately, that these men have grown up in. There have been and are countless messages still supporting their view that sex is owed to them, by us. And that they have the right to diminish us and abuse us when we don’t provide it. We can only do what we can to slowly change our culture.

Divorce the revolting POS. What a disgrace he is.

My ex was like that, he thought nothing of groping my boobs whilst I was cooking, he couldn't just snuggle on the sofa his hands would go straight to my boobs. He'd complain when I was on my period. When we had sex it was all about him. He sulked if I didn't give it to him. I'd be in bed and he couldn't just spoon he wanted sex. He pestered me constantly, the more he pestered the more I retreated.

The fact he was an abusive prick and I was scared to have him near me, didn't cross his mind. I wasn't doing my wifely duties.

He's on to his next victim now.

No you’re definitely not the only one but these threads always bring out the rape apologists