Dating thread 53 - 2025. Cuffing Season

[ElleintheWoods]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
• Develop a thick skin
• Do not invest emotionally too soon
• It's all BS until it actually happens
• Trust your gut instinct
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
• Know your wortH
• If it's not fun, stop
• Loo update is mandatory
• No dating the thread
• Treat others as you'd like to be treated
• Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
• The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
• OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Oh I do feel for you! This would send me in to an anxiety meltdown. When did you last hear from him?

Briefly on Christmas day... Saw him Sunday last week and arranged to get together tonight but it's been super quiet on his end since.

@CleanShirt is he setting a bit of a not-great tone here?

Loving the outfits chat 😁

Oh it's a dreadful tone. I think he'll be sent back if tonight doesn't happen. Sent the message but already prepared for the disappointment!

@CleanShirt fingers crossedthen 🤞

I ghosted someone who was sooo pushy and his last message "I'm not sure I like maybe"

Very very pushy with someone you've not met is 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Eurgh, why can't they be somewhere in between pushy and actually giving a shit? 🤣

It's frustrating. He came round Sunday last week because he wanted to see me before he went home for Christmas. Asked when I was back, I said today, he put it in his calendar. Even offered to pick me up some duty free. And then it's pretty much been radio silence since. Even if this is a strictly fwb relationship I expect some consistency.

Mr Maths has just left, I got him
some nice shower stuff for his birthday. He doesn’t really drink and is constantly in the gym and therefore constantly in the shower. I thought that kind of marked the birthday but now if it all goes pear shaped and I never see
him again, I’ve not lost anything really. It’s been a few dates and a couple of sleepovers, I like him but it’s weird dating in your forties, there’s no intention of settling down, getting married, having kids so is it just like would you rather spend your free time together than apart? I feel a bit vulnerable today but I don’t know why.

@PinkNeonSign that's exactly how I feel! You've hit the nail on the head there. It is a vulnerable place.

Yeah @CleanShirt, but then I suppose the only way to not be vulnerable is not to bother and then I felt bored/beige/lonely.

Yeah that's spot on. I almost wish I hadn't come back to the dating scene at the moment. I was a little sad being on my own for so long but not enjoying the anxiety that comes with putting myself out there.

Sending love. It's a difficult time of year xxx

@ElleintheWoods will there be a new thread for the new year? I promise not to mention MrX on it.

MrX flounced off when asked to correct one of his famous lies (this time about me) but keeps popping up to ask what I want, tell me I'm too demanding, say he'll never be good enough, when all he has to do is stop lying which doesn't feel like a big ask.

Even in a FWB situation communication and respect should be a given. It sounds like f**kbuddies to him extremely casual with no effort

Deffo.

I got a "I'm tired so maybe not" message. Not replying.

@CleanShirt I'm sorry but I get self serving asshole vibes off him and you deserve better.

Mr Mod is rearranging the nght before. Watch this space!

I'm getting that too!

Ooh let us know what happens

You definitely deserve more effort and attention than he is willing to give. Definitely giving off fuck buddy vibes…. I would definitely be moving on x

@CleanShirt he has rearranged time and place but not day and has done it respectfully and decisively 🙂

Urgh what a tosser. At least he’s shown his colours early.

I know what you mean. I’m not looking for marriage or kids either, I’m 44 so really just want someone who will add to my life in some way. I think the key is to be happy enough in yourself that you don’t really need anyone else, it feels a lot less vulnerable that way. Easier said than done though, and I for one miss intimacy a lot when I’m not in a relationship.

So I’ve gone to a place that I don’t usually venture and although it felt fun at the time, I’m now regretting it.
So I saw Mr Psychologist a week ago. Twice since then I’ve tried to pin him to a date to meet up again but he’s been non committal although I get it’s Christmas and very busy etc so I thought I’ll cut him some slack.
up until yesterday our texts hadn’t been sexual, a little bit flirty with sexual undertones sometimes but not sexual.
yesterday it did become very sexual. He initiated it with a comment about how I could warm up when I said I was cold and it just escalated from there. We didn’t go into full blown sexting. There was a bit of sexting re kissing and initiating foreplay but then conversations turned to what we like etc but didn’t actually talk fully about sex but did talk a little bit about oral.
Today he’s suggested me ‘nipping round’ on Tuesday which felt an invite for a hook up, so did make me feel pretty rubbish when he hasn’t responded to my previous requests of setting a date….. until sex seems to be on the cards. I can’t go anyway as I’m away. I’ve suggested ‘doing something’ Friday and he’s still being non committal.
I have just text him acknowledging that the messages have become sexual, but outlining that my intention is still a relationship and not something casual. I haven’t had a response yet.

Im not sure what to do now. Is there any coming back from this?

we were both very clear from the off that it is a relationship we are looking for and not something casual.

@bluedabadeedabadoo if you're still clear that's your intention please give him no more attention of any description until he arranges a proper date with at least two days' notice.

He might fade out but if you start from him thinking he can get you over for a BJ he'll see no need for anything needing effort.

Happy to be contradicted by group wisdom 🙂

@BoxOfCats totally agree about sex. I would love to be able to separate it from emotion but can't 🙃

I suppose At the time I was thinking if it’s meant to progress to a relationship it will but I wasn’t really thinking about the fact he had been non commital with setting up a date. He’s not replied to the text but if it was something sexual he would have by now!
mum away all week so I’ll have to just see how the communication goes and steer away any sex talk. If by next weekend he still hasn’t given a concrete plan for a date maybe I need to knock it on the head as I’m not looking for either a pen pal or fuck buddy.

@bluedabadeedabadooIt does sound like he’s really only up for a booty call, regardless of what he said about wanting a relationship. In all honesty I never believe men now that they want a relationship even if they say they do, they have to prove it to me with actions rather than words.

I think the way you have responded is good, you have a boundary and you’re holding firm to it. If he’s actually keen on a relationship then he will respond accordingly, if not then you have weeded out someone who is otherwise wasting your time.