Dating thread 53 - 2025. Cuffing Season

[ElleintheWoods]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating
• Develop a thick skin
• Do not invest emotionally too soon
• It's all BS until it actually happens
• Trust your gut instinct
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
• Know your wortH
• If it's not fun, stop
• Loo update is mandatory
• No dating the thread
• Treat others as you'd like to be treated
• Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
• The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
• OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Oohh interestingly he has just mentioned meeting up when I get back….yep doing just enough to keep me hanging on.

@bluedabadeedabadoo If it were me, I'd back off from the messaging and only reply enthusiastically to actual date planning.
I feel like you're doing all the work here.

I struggle without the communication though so I know it if I back off with that I’ll check out completely.

@bluedabadeedabadoo haven't RTFT but two things I keep reiterating here. If a man is interested, they would be a: locking things down so no one else gets a look in, and b: there wouldn't be any ambiguity for you to get yourself into knots about.

When I first started dating my ex, he had similar responses, because he just was scared to commit. Of course I ignored all this and tried to be cool, then when it ended, he said 'I told you I didn't want anything heavy etc'. We dated again a few years later and there weren't any mind games because we knew what we wanted. You shouldn't need to be posting or second guessing. If you are, he just isn't that into you

If I were you, I’d back off @bluedabadeedabadoo… so long as you’re still available and ready and waiting he has no opportunity to reflect and see what things might be if he lets you go. It might sound like game playing but men don’t miss you when you’re still there.

Morning all - hope everyone is thriving.

Mr Mod has gone away for a couple of days and not maintained radio contact.

This does not make his report card any glossier 😅

I’m sorry but that’s just not enough effort, I’ve been away for 4 days and been in contact with Ms Food every day to keep things going

tomorrow we are going away for new years
( she likes sex a lot and a lot of sex , so please pray for this old man ! )

Sending...energy (?) @BeAppleNow
Are you two an item now?

Mr Mod messaged a couple of times today so he was only offline 24 hours.

Good luck! I hope you have an amazing new year! X

Good afternoon all. So Mr Paychologist has picked it up effortlessly wise. He has arranged our next date without me having to ask again and has been very communicative last few days.
My only question is now do I have sex when I see him or not? We both made it clear we want to (in the heat of the sex chat on Boxing Day 🙄) but obviously I’m worried about this moving to hook up territory, however I do want to have sex as I enjoy if, fancy him and want to see what the chemistry is like.
Any thoughts on this would be welcome! X

You should do as you think best...are you someone who could sleep with him without falling for him more?

Do you feel like he is trustworthy?

Will it trigger your anxiety afterwards?

@Nosdacariadsleeping with him will probably make my feelings stronger, in terms of whether he is trustworthy, i don’t know. I still have in the back of my mind my worries from the other day and if I feel that he Backs off afterwards then yes it will increase my anxieties.
it’s very hard as relationship or not I would like to be able to have sex more (I’ve recently ended a 6 year stint of abstinence!) as I think life is just too short to never have sex. I did date someone last month which ended after we had sex the second time. It was tough but I don’t regret having sex. It was fun and I enjoyed it.
I suppose I take the plunge and see what happens in these situations or situations right until I feel that someone is committed to a relationship but doing the latter I may never have sex again!

So long as you make your choice with intention, there is probably not a wrong answer x

If it feels right do it .

Sending thoughts and prayers haha! Enjoy 😊

So met a few guys in Paris. I wonder if I have a ‘chat me up’ energy?! Guys are making eye contact and saying a few quick lines everywhere, like on the metro platform.

Met a couple of guys at the hotel I was staying, one was talking to me while waiting for the lift and another at reception. Both American and both decided to lead the conversation with their jobs! As in ‘hello, I work for Goldman Sachs’. What’s up with that? How would you feel about being approached in this manner?

Mr RedFlagParade has invited my to a New Year’s party with all his friends, not sure if I want to go. Guess I just don’t want to see the other women in his life? The guest list is pretty heavy on model/dancer/performer types. I say I don’t care but I’d be disappointed if he wouldn’t be by my side all evening - but then that becomes quite girlfriend territory. All the same I feel a bit bad that he’s been trying to get me to meet his friends and I’ve said no quite a few times now

So much going on! Hope everyones dates etc go ok.

I tried to speak to a man in the wild on Sunday night and he said something very racist so that was the end of that.

@ElleintheWoods I work for Goldman Sachs beats "Ere darlin' nice tits" I guess.

@CleanShirt bullet dodged!

I have a date at noon Sunday with Mr Sparx.

@Nosdacariad sounds like you’re on a roll, Do you think Mr Sparx is a better match than Mr Mod?

Hard to know, he feels more open somehow.

Also Mr Speedway next weekend 🏍

How are you getting on?

Sounds exciting @Nosdacariad

I’m okay, haven’t caved to MrElusive’s festive charms which I‘m glad about.

MrMaths is still in the frame but we’ve not arranged another date. To be fair I’ve not said when I‘m free, I’ll let him know tomorrow and see what he does. I feel like he’s pulling away a bit but I’ve got nothing to substantiate that.

I’ve been messaging with MrEngineer for months, we really need to either meet or just let it go. I think he’s really sweet and I’d miss him if I didn’t chat to him every day. There will come a crunch point somewhere though.

@bluedabadeedabadoo glad your psychologist is making more effort with you!

Im struggling to get into the apps after 8 months of being single. Its like my sex drive has died after a very painful breakup. Im nervous it will be like this for ever but every time I go on the apps, I have no interest in anyone. How can I get my mojo back?

@PinkNeonSign and @Eesha morning 🙂

@PinkNeonSign that's very loonnngg to be messaging, I would not have the patience!

@Eesha I suspect everyone's sex drive works differently (and honestly if mine went I would not bother OLD) but it sounds early and raw for you so two suggestions (in the context that I know bugger all about bugger all)

Do lots of lovely things for yourself, to make yourself feel well, nutrition, exercise, sleep, rest time, lots of dopamine hits.

Consider whether the sex drive will return only when (or mostly when) you meet a good person?

Question for all and I'd love a male and a female view - how and when do you check your irons are fully single?

@Nosdacariad it is too long to have been messaging. It was an early OLD mistake. I’m also not sure how we matched as we live quite far from each other. Not so far it’s unworkable, but it would be a decent drive. I’ve persisted cause I think he’s nice, sweet, warm hearted which seems quite hard to come by.

Maybe you just aren’t an apps person? Tbh any situation where offering is abundant, ie lots of guys putting themselves out there to ‘pull’ puts me off them all. I’m not an apps person and therefore I’m not on them 😇Whenever I have gone on, I’m just swiping ‘next’ on everyone. Whereas in real life, I notice attractive men and like to chat.

Having said that, maybe you just need longer? Why are you looking to date? How will that improve your life and align with what you really want right now? Maybe your body and mind are just telling you that forcing yourself to date won’t make you happy atm and it’s time to focus on other things?