Guilt throwing out partner

[Merseymum1980]

Partner and I have had bad two years, hes cheated, done silly jobs and Chasing get rich scheme or nor worked, doesn't help in the house.
We agreed to seperate and him leave on the 13th September
It didn't end up happening and he has been all nicey since but still hasn't helped with house work.
I got in at 9 last night read,bathed and snuggled my son.
Then at 1030pm I had to finishe dishes that he left and start tea. I was mad and tired.
I asked him to help peel potatoes and he said he could not due to tooth ache. Id been up since 6am at this point.
He then started saying he might go stay with a relative because I nag and he feels like a burden to me. I actually would like him to leave in all honesty.
I explained that I ask for help amd I don't get it he just plays computer games. I nastily told him to grow up.
Every time we have a disagreement he threatens to leave, but the last two times I have actually wanted him to leave and not begged him to sort things out.
Im thinking of having a chat with him and asking him to go tommorow whilst
My child is at school.
I feel Really really guilty as he doesn't have much money and had a bad childhood. Ive asked him.for 2 years to get a job and help in house. Im 45 now and im.bored of wasting my breath. We have been together 5 years. But he started all this crap two and half years ago when I found out he cheated.
I really want him to leave so I can heal and concentrate on my child.
I just can't seem to put a stop to this guilt. Has anyone had this kind of guilt complex.
He gambles when he occasionally has money amd to put into context I havent had a great childhood either. Ive parented my mum step dad,dad and sis. I would like to look after me a little now and obviously my child

Oh op you’ve started a few threads about this

your poor child. Basically this man has invaded his home.

You have been back and forth on this.

Tell him to get out by Monday and next time don’t hook up with an unemployed man who doesn’t have a bean to his name .

My child really Really likes him and that is part of the issue.
When I met him he wasn't unemployed.
Believe you me i dont want anyone again after this. Im totally done

Why on earth should you feel guilty.?

It sounds as though he treats you like his skivvy. He has no respect for you.
The relationship should have ended when he cheated on you.
For your own self respect and for the wellbeing of your child get this man out of your life for good.

Two years ago you were “done” and yet here you are Op.

Woman up. Get this man out. And don’t make the same mistake again. No money, cheating, lazy. Have some self respect.

How do you think i should word it.
Just so please leave by Monday and refuse to have a further discussion?
When I try to have a normal quiet adult conversation to him regarding it it goes wrong.
I dont actually remember posting two years ago about this but maybe I did as this all started a while ago when something bad happened in his life.
That's actually eye opening if ive actually done that two years ago ,so thank you for pointing that out

Bring a friend around.

without any drama, tell him to pack his bags and leave. now

forget Monday. By Monday you’ll probably be begging him to stay.

Get the key back off him or change the lock and have his stuff bagged up for him to take immediately.

It really can be that simple.

Don't say 'please leave' its not a request, 'This isn't working for me and you need to leave'. No discussion or negotiation.
Where he goes and what he does is up to him, don't be drawn into solving his problems. They are not yours to solve.

You need to toughen up OP. He doesn't believe you mean it when you ask him to leave.

I agree with @Andprettygood you need a friend with you and you need to be 100% clear. Do not worry about where he will go etc etc he is an adult and he has been living off your generosity for long enough.

Do not negotiate or agree to a later date or anything like that.

Is it your house, in your own name? If so then it’s easy, locks changed when he leaves next, bag his stuff up and text him to let him know he can pick it up from outside.

Children are not able to make decisions based on their best interests, that's their parents jobs. The fact your son likes him should not cloud your judgement of that.

Your job is to keep him safe first, happy second. This man is a crap example to have around him. What a waster.

Never feel sorry for a man. It’s literally a man’s world. He has all sorts of privileges that you don’t and he still refuses to function as an adult.

Is this your house? If so this is easy.
Do you think he will turn nasty?
You can just lock him out when he next goes out. If he kicks off, ring the police and have him removed. Try and arrange this for when your child is not around if it’s likely to be dramatic, you know him best.
You have nothing to feel guilty about, he is a piss taker and your life will be infinitely better without him.

To be honest, I think you should feel more guilty for letting him stay. You are enabling him to ignore his responsibility to be an adult and this is not good for him. He needs to face the reality that he has to be responsible for himself.

Thank you everyone. Think im just going to put girls pants on and say go right away

Is he working at the moment or expecting you to pay for everything

Please do it op. he does have somewhere to go, his relative's house like he has threatened to. Please feel more gulit regarding your child for whom this is the norm watching his mother skivvy for a lazy twat. What is he learning about relationships. Your son doesn't love him, your son is used to him. and he will quickly get unused to him being there also. Imagine all the things you could do with the money you are wasting on this sponger.

Did you?

Just get rid of him. You’re going round in circles. Doing the same thing over and over.

Just to remind yourself OP-

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4961275-please-give-me-hope-to-end-relationship

You were sick of him in 2023. Do you still want this misery in another 2 years time? End it now. You are spending money keeping a grown man that you could spend on your child. He doesn't respect you. He's taking advantage of the fact he knows you won't throw him out. Prove him wrong.

Yes, all the money you have spanked on this boyfriend, you could have spent on your child, you could have saved for his future, you could have invested in your pension, you could have put towards your housing costs, you could have splurged on lovely holidays with your son.

Good luck today OP. You can do it

I remember years ago talking to my DB about my abusive then-partner and him saying very bluntly “I’m sick of hearing about it. He’s never going to change. You moan on and on about him but you won’t do anything about it, he’s still here. Please don’t talk to me about him anymore unless you’re prepared to do something”.

Those words hit me like a truck. It felt extremely harsh but it was absolutely the wake up call I needed. I kicked him out a few days later. You know what you need to do.

So ive told him, he is leaving this weekend, my son and I are going to stay in my parents for the weekend so he can take his things etc.
Someone just posted my first thread and im annoyed reading it that ive put up with it so long.
Plus last night rather than having a discussion he decided to go to the casino with a credit card that I didn't know he had which he probably would of expected me to sort at some point.
My uncle offered to go around to check he has left over the weekend but i dont want to drag people or drama into it. Plus my son cares for my partner so I dont want to accept.
He didn't get home until midnight last night so im a bit tired and nervous in work today but il be relieved once gone

Thank you,i actually needed to hear this. Plus another person on here was harsh with me but it was actually a wake up call for me, so im grateful