Guilt throwing out partner

[Merseymum1980]

Partner and I have had bad two years, hes cheated, done silly jobs and Chasing get rich scheme or nor worked, doesn't help in the house.
We agreed to seperate and him leave on the 13th September
It didn't end up happening and he has been all nicey since but still hasn't helped with house work.
I got in at 9 last night read,bathed and snuggled my son.
Then at 1030pm I had to finishe dishes that he left and start tea. I was mad and tired.
I asked him to help peel potatoes and he said he could not due to tooth ache. Id been up since 6am at this point.
He then started saying he might go stay with a relative because I nag and he feels like a burden to me. I actually would like him to leave in all honesty.
I explained that I ask for help amd I don't get it he just plays computer games. I nastily told him to grow up.
Every time we have a disagreement he threatens to leave, but the last two times I have actually wanted him to leave and not begged him to sort things out.
Im thinking of having a chat with him and asking him to go tommorow whilst
My child is at school.
I feel Really really guilty as he doesn't have much money and had a bad childhood. Ive asked him.for 2 years to get a job and help in house. Im 45 now and im.bored of wasting my breath. We have been together 5 years. But he started all this crap two and half years ago when I found out he cheated.
I really want him to leave so I can heal and concentrate on my child.
I just can't seem to put a stop to this guilt. Has anyone had this kind of guilt complex.
He gambles when he occasionally has money amd to put into context I havent had a great childhood either. Ive parented my mum step dad,dad and sis. I would like to look after me a little now and obviously my child

Stay brave, he’s not your responsibility, your child is. Lean on the support of your parents and plan for the future. 💐

I tnought that.
I said if your concerned move him in with you two. I put down the phone and blocked.
Its been on my imind

It sucks op but it actually doesn't matter because this guy is not actually good for your child, he's setting a dreadful example for your kid by disrespecting you. I would stop all cleaning up for him - it'll be hard because you'll want to do it but I would just stop, don't engage with him any more.

To be honest, at this point I'd just pack for him and change the locks when he's out because I wouldn't trust a guy like that not to trash your house or take things if you give them a weeks notice and your priority is protecting your kids home, not him. You've given him notice already he's just not bothered to do anything about it. This is not your problem to fix and he's just taking advantage of your kindness. Don't let him.

Get this loser the fuck out of your home. Stop being pathetic.
He doesn't feel one ounce of guilt about the way he treats you.

Hes already well gone. This is an update

You’re not pathetic, you’ve been controlled and abused by a manipulator. Try to remember that just because he, or one of his cheerleaders, says something, it doesn’t make it true.

It wouldnt let me edit original post to say left already

Thankyou. Im guessing he hasnt told them everything

Read the FFT !

Sorry just read your updates op. Didn't realise initially he was already gone.

The thing to remember here is that you did not do this. You didn't leave him homeless. He did that all by himself. He had a good thing going, and he blew it by abusing it and taking the piss. These are now the natural consequences to his own actions and decisions. This is not on you so keep the accountability where it should be - on him, a grown man who knew this was a possibility if he didn't grow up.

Thank you, im feeling better everyone just putting my head back in perspective tonight thank you

Say after me- he is not my responsibility !
Glad you’re feeling better.

I defintley will. Thank ubfor being so kind and supportive

Thank you

This is a fantastic response OP, well done!

Women are not homeless shelters for lazy men.

He probably moved in with them, and it went south so they've had to throw him out, so now THEY feel bad so they are blaming you for it!

Thank you.
It was just the thpught of me having hurt him but i was absolutey miserable

Merseymum - he made a choice at every step of the way. Now, you have exercised that same right. I can't see anything whatever wrong in that.

Surely he wants equality in any human relationship whether that's a romance, or as an employee or as a NHS patient.....?

Yes you are right. Im feeling stronger again now after reading some old posts

Well done for blocking her - she's another toxic person you don't want in your life. Stay strong - you're doing incredibly well and Christmas is always difficult re: family and relationship issues. But you've got the rest of your life ahead with your lovely son. Take it a day at a time.

Thank you

Sounds like a toxic leech. You are well rid.

You are doing so well. Make a list in your notes on your phone of every bad thing he’s ever done to you. Whenever you’re having a wobble, read it. Just take it one day at a time. x

I wanted to rephrase it for you. Instead of thinking oh it’s dreadful he’s in a homeless hostel. Think “he’s lucky to be in a hostel he has a roof over his head” which tbh is more than some have.

re-read your first post @Merseymum1980 and remind yourself exactly why you decided he needed to leave.

you have done the absolutely right thing. Wishing you a very happy Christmas