Guilt throwing out partner

[Merseymum1980]

Partner and I have had bad two years, hes cheated, done silly jobs and Chasing get rich scheme or nor worked, doesn't help in the house.
We agreed to seperate and him leave on the 13th September
It didn't end up happening and he has been all nicey since but still hasn't helped with house work.
I got in at 9 last night read,bathed and snuggled my son.
Then at 1030pm I had to finishe dishes that he left and start tea. I was mad and tired.
I asked him to help peel potatoes and he said he could not due to tooth ache. Id been up since 6am at this point.
He then started saying he might go stay with a relative because I nag and he feels like a burden to me. I actually would like him to leave in all honesty.
I explained that I ask for help amd I don't get it he just plays computer games. I nastily told him to grow up.
Every time we have a disagreement he threatens to leave, but the last two times I have actually wanted him to leave and not begged him to sort things out.
Im thinking of having a chat with him and asking him to go tommorow whilst
My child is at school.
I feel Really really guilty as he doesn't have much money and had a bad childhood. Ive asked him.for 2 years to get a job and help in house. Im 45 now and im.bored of wasting my breath. We have been together 5 years. But he started all this crap two and half years ago when I found out he cheated.
I really want him to leave so I can heal and concentrate on my child.
I just can't seem to put a stop to this guilt. Has anyone had this kind of guilt complex.
He gambles when he occasionally has money amd to put into context I havent had a great childhood either. Ive parented my mum step dad,dad and sis. I would like to look after me a little now and obviously my child

@DurinsBane are you a man by any chance?

this 100%. That would be the height of stupidity. Children can like and bond with more or less anyone, doesn't mean we shouldn't exercise our judgement as parents about who should be allowed access to our children.

Would any sane person will let an abusive manchild back into their life to try and blackmail them.

I wouldn't want them in the same room as my child ever again.

Yes just seen

@DurinsBane is a man

Knew it. Who else would feel sympathy for such a grotesque cocklodger and think that it's a good idea to keep exposing an innocent susceptible unwitting child to such a dreadful example of masculinity.

OP he does not need to stay in contact with your son. He's not a good role model.

Your son will soon move on l. Especially with a lot of nice new things to look forward to.

Make sure his gaming stuff is locked down so ex can't play online with him or message him etc via games. Ask for help how to do this if you need to.

It's a daunting thing I know getting everything changed admin wise but definitely get it all done as soon as you can. Phone not able to be used by him anymore if it's in your name. Black bags of clothes dropped at a relatives or friends if possible.

Do you have a video doorbell? Are your locks changed? He will likely get angry when he realises emotional manipulation isn't working. If he alludes to suicide don't engage directly with him, call police non emergency number and ask they do a wellness check on him explaining the situation.

Hold firm op. Once his clothes are gone you can block him so he can't manipulate his way back.

Dont allow the clothes and stuff thing to linger on tho. Thats keeping the link to you open. Give him today to collect - you can leave it on the front at an agreed time, or if able to, dump it at his mates house on the front so no interaction. Just get it gone and end this chapter so you can move on

No sympathy for the man. Sympathy for the child

But as a parent…. It’s not all about what our child WANTS.

You need to reread the OP’s description of this man

Please be careful of this, as he will no doubt use your son to get back in with you. Your son has lots of people to love him, he doesn't need this nasty man child in his life.

In the words of Elsa, let it go.

Use this as a wake up call that you need to be a lot more on the ball re your 9 year old’s passwords OP. You should be able to do whatever you like, whenever you like in terms of their access to anything and everything

Staying strong OP?
and changed settings in son’s gaming so no contact with ex?

Thank you for all the lovley responses.
Yes ive changed all my password and my uncle is coming over tonight to change my sons gaming device email and show me how to use it, so i can check it all
Im not a gamer etc so he will show me ,so i know.
I just need to bag up last of my ex things too.
He is in a relatives (its things like a coffee machine,his guitar etc so he said he will collect them another time, which im a bit apprehensive about as he doesnt know ive changed the locks.
I dont know where relative lives so i might see how much storage is

No he doesn’t collect them another time.

Do you drive? I would up and leave outside relatives

How about giving his remaining things to your uncle? He can collect from him not you

Can you not give him 2 dates for picking up his stuff? Tell him if its not picked up by then you will look to dispose of it.

Covert or vulnerable narcissists are ALWAYS the victim and will always use their trauma to manipulate you. Doesn't mean the trauma isn't real, but it' snot your problem.

He may well land up homeless, and he will try to make it your problem. As you said, you've tried to help him, et up appointments etc and he's done nothing. You've done what you can.

I might see how much storage is

are you being serious? You’d spend more money on him even when no longer together!!

My feeling is that he might use the fact that he has left some of things at your place as a leverage for him to keep coming round.

If I were you, OP, offer him a date (or more than one date if you are feeling kind) to come and get his stuff which will be in black bags on your doorstep.

He’s not back is he?

No ,i will post properly soon. Im just feeling a bit sad about it. I defintley havent changed my mind and im not backtracking.
Just trying to get through the days. I know it will pass

Good on you

Dont get into paying for storage op. Bag his shit up and have it ready on X date. Out on the front for him to collect. End this or it lingers

Agree. He’ll do everything he can to drag this out so pull off the band aid and be brutal.

Bag up his stuff and give him a final date. Tell
him whatever isn’t collected by then goes in the bin. Don’t get into any discussion. - tell him don’t ask him

How are you op?