Page 6 | Guilt throwing out partner

Merseymum1980 · 2025-10-16T12:29:38+00:00

Partner and I have had bad two years, hes cheated, done silly jobs and Chasing get rich scheme or nor worked, doesn't help in the house. We agreed to seperate and him leave on the 13th September It didn't end up happening and he has been all nicey since but still hasn't helped with house work. I got in at 9 last night read,bathed and snuggled my son. Then at 1030pm I had to finishe dishes that he left and start tea. I was mad and tired. I asked him to help peel potatoes and he said he could not due to tooth ache. Id been up since 6am at this point. He then started saying he might go stay with a relative because I nag and he feels like a burden to me. I actually would like him to leave in all honesty. I explained that I ask for help amd I don't get it he just plays computer games. I nastily told him to grow up. Every time we have a disagreement he threatens to leave, but the last two times I have actually wanted him to leave and not begged him to sort things out. Im thinking of having a chat with him and asking him to go tommorow whilst My child is at school. I feel Really really guilty as he doesn't have much money and had a bad childhood. Ive asked him.for 2 years to get a job and help in house. Im 45 now and im.bored of wasting my breath. We have been together 5 years. But he started all this crap two and half years ago when I found out he cheated. I really want him to leave so I can heal and concentrate on my child. I just can't seem to put a stop to this guilt. Has anyone had this kind of guilt complex. He gambles when he occasionally has money amd to put into context I havent had a great childhood either. Ive parented my mum step dad,dad and sis. I would like to look after me a little now and obviously my child

Original poster

Merseymum1980 · 24/10/2025 22:02

LivingWithANob · 24/10/2025 21:52

How are you op?

Thank you for checking in, im up and down but im more and more certain every day ive made the right decision.
My ds doesnt seem too bothered about it,which has been a huge relief as that was my biggest concern before ending it.
Im taking the last of my exes things to my parents garage, my mum is going to text him to inform him 😂
Ive received taunting silly messages from him that he is enjpying his new freedom. So i thought thats a way to end unneccesary comtact.
Im trying to get together the money to end the phone contract early too, which has 3 months left. If i can do that then thats all ties cut. The messages did upset me and seemed unnecessary but im not going to bite.
Thank you so much xx
On a plus side ive probably lost weight this week. Given im a big woman thats a good unexpected bonus

OP posts:

Apocketfilledwithposies · 24/10/2025 23:33

Hang in there OP. You are bound to have ups and downs.

I wrote a shit list at one point - I went through all my old mn posts and wrote a list of all the shitty behaviour, negative effects on mine and my child's lives, moments I'd felt alone or stressed or sad. Every little negative thing went on that list and I did revisit it at any moments of wobbling.

You will get through this.

Original poster

Merseymum1980 · 25/10/2025 08:17

Apocketfilledwithposies · 24/10/2025 23:33

Hang in there OP. You are bound to have ups and downs.

I wrote a shit list at one point - I went through all my old mn posts and wrote a list of all the shitty behaviour, negative effects on mine and my child's lives, moments I'd felt alone or stressed or sad. Every little negative thing went on that list and I did revisit it at any moments of wobbling.

You will get through this.

Thank you so much. I will do that xx

OP posts:

BellissimoGecko · 25/10/2025 08:43

Well done, OP. You have done the right thing and you have been really strong.

Original poster

Merseymum1980 · 25/10/2025 08:50

BellissimoGecko · 25/10/2025 08:43

Well done, OP. You have done the right thing and you have been really strong.

Thsnk you even though some of the responses here were hsrsh it reslly woke me up paticullsry seeing id posted two years ago x

OP posts:

financialcareerstuff · 25/10/2025 09:03

OP, bloody well done. This is tough but you are staying strong. I totally understand your concerns for your son, but long term this is SO much better for him. The extra finances, yes- but more importantly he’s not growing up with a gambling, gaming, cheating person who doesn’t take responsibility for himself as his male role model….. and he’ll be growing up with a mum who is not dealing with the emotional and practical drain of being with a poor partner.

well done!

im glad your son doesn’t seem bothered. I would t be surprised if the relationship was less meaningful than you think. Your partner may well have been simulating happy play acts as a way to keep you ok the hook. Your son will deep down that that’s not where the true love and security was coming from. A hit of fun Joe and again maybe. But nothing he needs. He may at some point ask/get sad. If so, stay strong. He’ll get over it very very quickly. This is about making the parent decisions that are right for him - like not giving him too much sugar that’s bad for him. Being an amazing mum occasionally is about letting kids feel frustrated or sad, because we know their lives will be healthier and happier.

and for you, I hope the insults and pathetic immaturity he’s shown since realising he is losing control tell you all you need to know. There is no character there. I can imagine it’s very hard right now but think of the years and years ahead of freedom and being able to focus on yourself and son. Good luck!

LivingWithANob · 25/10/2025 09:19

Well done op!

Ohnobackagain · 25/10/2025 10:23

He is trying to taunt you because you’ve managed to break the ties with him. Stay strong. You are an inspiration actually - keep going, one foot in front of the other, it may seem slow but every step counts and adds distance between you and he.

Definitely pay off the phone contract, let your Mum contact him re his stuff and then block as you said - good plan @Merseymum1980

financialcareerstuff · 26/10/2025 07:16

New day, new beginnings OP! I hope you are feeling ok today, well done again!

Original poster

Merseymum1980 · 26/10/2025 11:08

Thank you so much.
Im actually feeling ok today and had first proper nights sleep last night.
Thank you for those who checkedin.
Going to take my ds to the park today

OP posts:

Original poster

Merseymum1980 · 26/10/2025 11:09

Ohnobackagain · 25/10/2025 10:23

He is trying to taunt you because you’ve managed to break the ties with him. Stay strong. You are an inspiration actually - keep going, one foot in front of the other, it may seem slow but every step counts and adds distance between you and he.

Definitely pay off the phone contract, let your Mum contact him re his stuff and then block as you said - good plan @Merseymum1980

Thank you so much

OP posts:

Original poster

Merseymum1980 · 26/10/2025 19:39

financialcareerstuff · 25/10/2025 09:03

OP, bloody well done. This is tough but you are staying strong. I totally understand your concerns for your son, but long term this is SO much better for him. The extra finances, yes- but more importantly he’s not growing up with a gambling, gaming, cheating person who doesn’t take responsibility for himself as his male role model….. and he’ll be growing up with a mum who is not dealing with the emotional and practical drain of being with a poor partner.

well done!

im glad your son doesn’t seem bothered. I would t be surprised if the relationship was less meaningful than you think. Your partner may well have been simulating happy play acts as a way to keep you ok the hook. Your son will deep down that that’s not where the true love and security was coming from. A hit of fun Joe and again maybe. But nothing he needs. He may at some point ask/get sad. If so, stay strong. He’ll get over it very very quickly. This is about making the parent decisions that are right for him - like not giving him too much sugar that’s bad for him. Being an amazing mum occasionally is about letting kids feel frustrated or sad, because we know their lives will be healthier and happier.

and for you, I hope the insults and pathetic immaturity he’s shown since realising he is losing control tell you all you need to know. There is no character there. I can imagine it’s very hard right now but think of the years and years ahead of freedom and being able to focus on yourself and son. Good luck!

Thank uou for the detailed response xx

OP posts:

UpDownAllAround1 · 27/10/2025 12:39

Block him now and you wont see messages

Redruby2020 · 27/10/2025 13:19

He’s manipulating you by seeing that despite his wrong doings and you not being happy with things, that you still keep him there.
He’s using that against you when he threatens to leave, and also because you asked him to leave in September and we are now near the end of October, so he knows he can cross boundaries!

It is hard if your child likes him, but children don’t realise everything and shouldn’t have to.
Your child liking him is not what a child needs as another grown adult around the place who acts and lives as your bf does.

You need to get him out of there.

Redruby2020 · 27/10/2025 13:58

Deliciousveg · 21/10/2025 14:58

No he doesn’t collect them another time.

Do you drive? I would up and leave outside relatives

Show quote history

Exactly this.
I’m thinking why did he not take it with him when he left, is it an excuse to have to come back?
And leave things outstanding, no sort itout if you haven’t since posting that comment.

Overdonecabbage · 02/11/2025 15:45

Have you managed to stand firm on this op?

Original poster

Merseymum1980 · 02/11/2025 20:18

Overdonecabbage · 02/11/2025 15:45

Have you managed to stand firm on this op?

Yes x
Cant say it hasnt been hard but its getting better each day

OP posts:

Overdonecabbage · 02/11/2025 20:33

Good on you
think of all the money you’ll save to spend on your son and your future

Londonismyjam · 02/11/2025 21:09

💐💐💐

Original poster

Merseymum1980 · 06/12/2025 20:16

Im having a bad few days since allnthe xmas music
My ds and i are spendingbthe night in my parents and ive had a baileys, i dont usually drink so that probably affects it.
I heard my ex is in a homeless hostel which is upsetting.
Please reassure me ive made the right decision, and to tough it out for my ds.
It took so much strength for me to do it.
Please please please please no nastiness tonight.
Its probably a xmas wobble

OP posts:

RelapsedChocoholic · 06/12/2025 20:46

You made the right decision op
Would it help to focus on your Christmas plans with your son?
(and it probably is the alcohol- no judgement, it just can bring out those sad thoughts in us all)

Original poster

Merseymum1980 · 06/12/2025 20:56

RelapsedChocoholic · 06/12/2025 20:46

You made the right decision op
Would it help to focus on your Christmas plans with your son?
(and it probably is the alcohol- no judgement, it just can bring out those sad thoughts in us all)

I think u are right. Im not going to drink again ,only had two home measures but im not a drinker usually
Its the hostel that hurt me and worried me

OP posts:

Isayitasitis · 06/12/2025 21:08

Merseymum1980 · 06/12/2025 20:56

I think u are right. Im not going to drink again ,only had two home measures but im not a drinker usually
Its the hostel that hurt me and worried me

Show quote history

You are not responsible for him lovely.

How did you hear that?
Did he make sure it got back to you somehow?

Just ask whoever that told you not to tell you anything more or block any channels where you are getting the info from.

Just remember, you felt sorry for him before and he got away with lounging about for 2 years while you broke your back for your son.

If you let him back he will repeat and you will have to go through it all again. It will be harder the second time around.

Save your empathy for yourself and your son.

Being kind doesn't mean you can't have boundaries. Boundaries ensure people like him can't leach off of you. Save your kindness for people who deserve you.

Original poster

Merseymum1980 · 06/12/2025 21:15

Isayitasitis · 06/12/2025 21:08

You are not responsible for him lovely.

How did you hear that?
Did he make sure it got back to you somehow?

Just ask whoever that told you not to tell you anything more or block any channels where you are getting the info from.

Just remember, you felt sorry for him before and he got away with lounging about for 2 years while you broke your back for your son.

If you let him back he will repeat and you will have to go through it all again. It will be harder the second time around.

Save your empathy for yourself and your son.

Being kind doesn't mean you can't have boundaries. Boundaries ensure people like him can't leach off of you. Save your kindness for people who deserve you.

Show quote history

Thank you, just read a ladies post about innamd out of abusive rekationship amd her partners mood. It has woken me up.
His friends girlfriend phoned me about it ranting and raving ive abondened him and i should of give him 3 months to find a house. Ive left him lonely at xmas etc.
Ive blocked her

OP posts:

Ohnobackagain · 06/12/2025 21:37

His friend’s girlfriend? So she no doubt doesn’t have anywhere near the full story. Therefore, her opinion is worthless. Wipe it from your mind @Merseymum1980 !