To not date and not be in a relationship - possibly ever again

[MargoLivebetter]

I finished a longish term relationship a couple of months ago. I'm mid 50s and for the first time ever in my life, I am thinking that I will not date again or be in a relationship. I feel strangely peaceful and content about it all, and slightly surprised that I've arrived here.

Are there others out there who have reached this decision too? If yes, how is it going?

I'm married but would feel the same in future regarding other partners. Nearly fifty

Is that because you love your OH so much that you could never imagine being with someone else @Orangesandlemons77 or another reason?

I thought I would feel the same when I was single, but at that time (aged 48) I didn’t. I’ve come to feel that I was extremely one-off lucky to meet dp and I hope at the time when I lose him I will also be happy to stay single. My solo neighbour is a role model - has a rollicking life, always out with her dog, seeing and hosting friends, going away all the time, the sound of laughter through the walls, hosts the local Christmas party. No sign that she feels any lack in her life.

Same age as you OP. I was 49 when I chose to cut the dead beet of a man out, and stay single for good, and I could not be happier.

I’m not planning another relationship (mid divorce and almost 48). My DD is only 6 and I have no intention of there being a step father in her life. By the time she an adult I will be 60.
I really like my own company. I’m not taking a vow of celibacy, I haven’t ruled out an occasional ONS or similar but I am very at peace with being single. I have come to realise that I don’t like being in a relationship all that much. I don’t think I am very good at it and I find it more stressful than anything else.

I’m 53 now and been separated 3 years from my ExH. I have absolutely no interest in dating again and no intention of ever trusting anyone like that ever again. I’m quite happy in my life and that suits me fine. It’s been refreshing to do as I please and watch what I want, long may that continue. 😆

I'm not single, but at 45 I have decided that if anything happened then DP will be my last cohabiting relationship and I can't see me being arsed with dating. I tell him romantically 'you'll be the last man I'll ever love' and I suspect he knows it's because I'll be totally happy with just the cat and my workshop 😂

That is nice to hear @TheAvidWriter . The feeling of wanting to remain solo has taken me by surprise. I got divorced in my mid-30s and spent 10 + years dating and in and out of relationships. Then I met my DP and thought he might be the one, but it slowly dawned on me that I was not having the kind of relationship I wanted at all and that being on my own was preferable to being with him!

I think that I'm not very good at partner type relationships either @FancyCatSlave !

Never married
Been engaged once at 18 for 5 minutes
2 DCs
Never lived with a man
A handful of boyfriends, one of 3 years rest months perhaps a year or so.

Last was one was a ONS 16 years ago
It’s definitely closed up!!!

Im happy and more importantly I’m content with my life at 52.

I’m sixty and have been single for about thirteen years.

Genuinely never been happier.

@QueenieBeeSmith you made me chuckle with your closed up comment!

@Zempy that's great to hear, thank you.

I''ve been married twice.
My second H died suddenly when I was 52- he was nine years older.
I was in shock for a long time. And I really missed being married.
But I could never imagine myself in a relationship with another man. And after many years I'm now happy to live alone with just myself to worry about

@IvedoneitagainhaventI sorry to hear about your DH. That must have been an awful shock and really tough afterwards. It is good to hear that you are happy alone now though - thank you.

Yes, me. I divorced in 2017 after a 9 year, very toxic relationship. Then in December last year I ended an 18 month, healthy relationship but still wasn’t right for me. I have come to realise I don’t want to be in a relationship for a good few years, like 10 years, if at all and I definitely don’t want to live with a man again.. I’m 54. I also find my decision has bought peace and taken away the nagging in my mind that I need to find ‘the one’ asap, as I get older.. I’m v v happy with my decision and no longer waste my time trying to meet someone. All my energy goes on myself and my teenage son and I’m more than happy with that.. a weight has been lifted off my shoulders 🥰🥰🥰

@Dontsayyouloveme yes, it is like a weight has been lifted. I think in my case probably still because the relationship was draining me but I do also think it is because I've found true peace with the thought of not being in a relationship at all.

Glad to hear that you are in a happy place with your decision.

I'm happily married in my 50's but should my marriage end for whatever reason i have also decided i will not be in a relationship likely ever again.
Of course no one knows what /who is round the corner but i will not seek anyone again and i too feel peaceful and a little relieved about it , especially when you read about some of the horror stories on here .

I find relationships hard work, it doesn’t seem to come naturally to me thanks to a childhood of emotional neglect after my mum died and I just don’t seem fundamentally happy in one within the deepest part of me. I can do most things in my own and my bestie is always up for a holiday so I’m covered. Plus, it’s slim pickings out there imo 🤣

I divorced at 48 after a 25yr relationship and had decided to be single forevermore - however I really surprised myself by meeting someone new quite quickly and we're now very happy keeping eachother entertained 😉

Separate houses, separate finances, separate families. I'll NEVER EVER live with a man ever again. But the fun and romance and easy company is very welcome.

I made this decision aged 53. I'm now 62 and I don't regret it one bit.

I’m 59, been single nearly 6 years and it would take someone very very special to change that.

I did try OLD and met a handful of men out and about but honestly no one who made me want more than a couple of dates let alone give up my peace.

Every one of my divorced or windowed friends of similar age feels exactly the same.So unless Brad comes knocking, single for life

I'm 54 and separated then divorced 8 years ago. I absolutely LOVE being single, genuinely.

I'm financially independent, don't have to ask opinions or permissions (permissions sounds awful, that was a marriage legacy!), if I want to fart in bed I can, if I want to not have dinner and have chocolate and wine instead, no-one will judge me (unless DD22 is in!).

I tried dating just before covid, then again about a year after, had one shortish 'relationship' of about 6 months but he became clingy and demanding, and I decided that I actually just really enjoy my own company. Plus DD is great (she still loves at home) and we have DDog too.

I've debated dating again, but decided I can't be bothered. I have a busy work life, enjoy my own space and peace, but also can socialise with friends if I want to.

Married for 21 years and I knew I would never want another relationship before he left for the OW. I've been single for 20 years.

I have no intention of being in a relationship again. I've been to uni and am now a senior professional - I couldn't do that before.

Maybe it's because he was a vile, violent and abusive twat but I don't think all men are the same. I just have no need of one.

I've been single for nearly 4 years now after being a serial monogamist since I was 16.

I absolutely love it and have no interest whatsoever in changing anything.

I can do what I want, when I want, with whoever I want.

I'm about to have a lovely after work nap and might just eat toast for supper before bed.

It is total bliss.

If anything happed to DH then he knows he would be replaced by approximately 5 dogs.

I've been single before and it was great. DH is genuinely the only man I've known who improved my life for being in it, which is why he is.

I could not be arsed to try and find another one. Dogs rule.

I'm 56, single since 48 and planning to stay that way. I struggled to meet anyone when I was actively trying, so unlikely that the right man will cross my path by accident. That old saying of you find someone when you stop looking is total BS, as everyone I know who stopped looking stayed single and there has been no Mr Right banging down their door!

I am 95% happy with my decision. Truthfully, at this point in my life, I would have liked to be sharing it with someone I'd spent the past 20 odd years with. Someone I knew inside out and trusted as much as you can trust anyone. But that didn't happen and you can't go back in time.

I don't want a new relationship. I cannot be assed to date. I don't want to have any more "getting to know you" chats and have to repeat the same information about myself over and over again. To have to try and build trust with someone. I can't be bothered with any of it. I'm happy and content almost all the time so I'm not risking anything that could bring me unhappiness again.