To not date and not be in a relationship - possibly ever again

[MargoLivebetter]

I finished a longish term relationship a couple of months ago. I'm mid 50s and for the first time ever in my life, I am thinking that I will not date again or be in a relationship. I feel strangely peaceful and content about it all, and slightly surprised that I've arrived here.

Are there others out there who have reached this decision too? If yes, how is it going?

My wife died. She enhanced my life in ways I couldn't ever have believed. I can't ever imagine being with anyone else. Lightning doesn't strike twice and all that.

Yes, me. Fifties and single since 2020 and very happy about it.

Havent lived with a man since I was 32 and despite having a few long term relationships, I could never see myself co-habitting again.

I just found that the men I got involved with appeared to be nice, kind, well-rounded members of society, but scratch the surface and the dirty underbelly appeared. Laziness, drunkenness, perverted tendencies, physical anger, cheating, lying, getting into debt ... and on and on.

I could just be unlucky or have terrible taste in men, but due to my work and the fact that Ive moved a lot - 16 times in 30 years - I've come to see that it's the norm, more or less.

Thankfully, I have no libido, so it doesnt bother me in the slightest.

I'm sure I read somewhere that the fastest growing demographic is women in their 50's choosing to remain single.

We are not alone!

I've been single since since exh unexpectedly fucked off almost 2 years ago. I'll never open myself up to the possibility of being cheated on and abandoned ever again. It's shit, but it's survival.

I'm mid 40s and don't think I'll date or be in a relationship again. Last relationship ended well over 2 years ago. I just don't think it's something I can do for a lot of reasons again. I wouldn't say I'm ok with it, I feel quite sad but I have accepted it to a point.

Yes, sometimes I stop and can't believe that I didn't meet anyone but then I remember all the crap I've been through with the wrong men and remind myself that I'm perfectly OK on my own. I definitely seem to pick men who in the early days of dating present as being almost perfect but it doesn't take long for their true colours to emerge.

I've been lied to, gaslit, tried to be controlled, not appreciated, verbally abused... all by men claiming to be "normal". Not by my yardstick mate!!

I’m the same OP, a few long term boyfriends in my late teens/ early twenties. Married late twenties, divorced twenty years later. Finished with partner of five years earlier this year. Now early sixties, and looking back on it all, no regrets but my happiest times were the years I was single and free. So that’s what my future will be. My marriage wasn’t great, but the three adult children have outweighed the bad times. It took me a long time to realise I don’t need a man to feel complete. I just need to happy with myself. And I am.

There are many parts of my body falling apart, but my memory is not one of them fortunately. So I remind myself of the ghastly experiences with men post-divorce which have put me in the frame of mind to join a convent and take a vow of celibacy. Joking aside, at 55 there is not a chance in hell that I am going to be lined up as a nurse with a purse by any more of these single middle aged jokers who bring nothing worth having to my table financially, emotionally or physically. My family, my business, my travels and my pets are my priority, rather than snoring men who are selfish in bed, jaded by their ex's and financially/ emotionally broken. I look at female friends stuck in awful marriages causing misery to them, and thank my lucky stars I am not bound to anyone else in that way. I suspect the menopause helps a lot with thinking there is more to life than having a boyfriend.

48 and just out of second failed marriage. After 25 years of marriage between the two I am done with a capital D. Even if Brad Pitt knocked the front door I would tell him I am busy washing my hair. For me being in a relationship is always sacrificing too much of myself and I simply CBA anymore.

I love “nurse with a purse” thank you @SandStormNorm .
This is why I broke up with my last (ever) partner. I think he had his eye on my money coupled with my natural tendency to look after others. Well, he got that wrong! I look after myself and family now.

I'm late 50s and if I found myself single I wouldn't bother about being in a relationship again.

48 and if something happens to my husband, cannot imagine what the new potential partner could be ....has to be Mrs Universe, millionaire or a saint to have me and me to have him, also who is going to be madly in love with woman with overweight, double chin, enlarged ankles

I am going to be happy alone also. Will just roam town with a shopping trolley, sit in the park, sip coffee, scroll on my phone and cook at home all the Balkan food husband never wanted to eat

I'm "only" very nearly 40 and have no interest at all. I have a great coparenting relationship with my sons dad, but living together marriage etc was never on the cards and my son was an incredibly happy accident. We called time on "us" before he was born rather than try and make it into something it wasn't and I'm so glad as I'm sure we wouldn't get on as well as we do by this point if we had muddled along!

I had a cohabiting engagement for a few years before him, and it took me far too long to realise I was doing that because it was "expected" rather than actually wanting it (actually I had never wanted to get married, but he really did!). Fortunately, in hindsight, he behaved in a way that made me really take stock of it all.

No, I am 52 and I have been single for nearly thirteen years. Most of the time I have been flat out with work and parenting. But my DC are getting older (youngest is a teen) and I really, truly do not want to be single for the rest of my life. I am so, so done with it.
I don’t even know if I have time for a partner because I still have work, still have to be there for DC, still have no support, have house and garden to do, but I dated for a few months at the end of last year, and it was just lovely to have time out of all that with someone. It didn’t work out, we still chat now and then, and in some ways, I wish he had never asked me out, because then I would not know what I was missing. On the other hand, I am glad we did spend time together because I see that this part of me could be there again. Maybe, if I meet someone equally decent.
I mean, that’s the point for me, it would need to be a fundamentally decent man who enriched my life.

Snap to both of you. Even your age

I had to come out as single to my mates.

They were always trying to set me up with a man. I’d go to dinner & there’d be a man who would seem disappointed that I wasn’t a supermodel. I didn’t know you were coming random man.

Just can’t be arsed.

I'm 48 and made that decision at 44. I'm really good on my own.

I’ve been divorced for over 4 years after 20 years of marriage. I’m in my mid 50’s. I’ve got 2 adult daughters, lovely friends, I enjoy my work & I’ve got a dog. I can do what I want, eat what I want, watch what I want - etc.
I’m sure it’s lovely if you’re happily married - but I can’t compromise with anything now. I love the peace & quiet - and just living my life purely for me.
If was younger - I may feel differently- but being post menopausal has meant that I’m just loving the quiet , peaceful life!

I‘m the same. I’ve only had 2 relationships. Both last 10 years. Both abusive, second more than the first. I always says the next one would likely be a serial killer so I’ll save myself the hassle and stay single I’m in my 40’s, last relationship was 4 years ago and I have NO interest or intention of having a relationship again

I am in exactly this situation - 25 years toxic marriage, ended at 48, was very happy to be single, met my DP three months later, thought it would just be a drink and a little flirtation, four years later we are very much in love - fun, romance, holidays, but separate finances, families, houses. We do support each other through tough things though, and he is lovely to my DC, and very much part of this life. Will never get married again, and unlikely to cohabit too.

Yes. I’m 35 been single 7 years. No desire to date etc anymore being single suits me. Plus the single men out there are mostly types I would cross the road to avoid, so it’s not a difficult choice.

Yup, 39, single by choice for nearly 12 years now - it also surprised me when my last relationship ended, that I was much happier by myself, but I've not felt the lack of a man since and don't think I'm likely to. Life is very lovely and very full, and I've never been that fussed about sex so not worried if that never happens again. Welcome to the best kept secret ever @MargoLivebetter!

Yep. Single and 52. Never being with a man again. Love it.

I've been married 35 years but I know if anything were to happen, I wouldn't marry again. For me, marriage was about raising a family together and I've done that. DH and I are happy together but I also like my free time and space. If I were to find myself single again, I think I'd be just fine on my own. I'm happy in my own company.

One of my best friends split with her husband 15 years ago - she has not dated or had another relationship. Her children are grown up, she runs her own business, has a busy social life, 3 cats and a lovely home - she's very happy and doesn't want a man in her life at all!

I’ve been singled for 7 years I think and not dated in that time. I’ve no interest and am perfectly happy as I am.