To not date and not be in a relationship - possibly ever again

[MargoLivebetter]

I finished a longish term relationship a couple of months ago. I'm mid 50s and for the first time ever in my life, I am thinking that I will not date again or be in a relationship. I feel strangely peaceful and content about it all, and slightly surprised that I've arrived here.

Are there others out there who have reached this decision too? If yes, how is it going?

Yep. I tried OLD in my mid 50’s and was getting messages from men in their mid/late 70’s.

I found the older men fell into 3 categories

Looking to date 10/15/20 years their junior

Wanting very quick casual sex

Looking for a nurse with a purse to cook clean and wipe their arse in their dotage

And none of the above are appealing

I'm married but know I would never date again should it end. I've had too many relationships over the years to fall for the 'falling-in-love' feeling again. It's total nonsense and doesn't last. Relationships are full of compromise. If you aren't raising kids, I don't see the point.

late 40's and tbh I find most men just speak utter drivel (and can be a tad thick), but think they are so clever and I should be honoured to be listening to them. When then 'dumb down' their conversation for me (a woman) I just walk off. I seem to have an intolerance for this right now. Even the radio can push me over the edge.

It would have to take a man with some self awareness, an ability to have a two way conversation and just a sense of decency and integrity to make me consider. Aware I am expecting a unicorn here so managing my expectations. Might be tempted by something on the side to keep me amused at times.

I’ve been single since I was 32 I’m now 46 I’ve not had any kind of relationship or even dated since then. I’ve never enjoyed sex so I don’t feel like I’m missing out on that part of a relationship either. I will be single forever though choice

I used to love sex, had lots of fantastic sex right up to my mid/late 30s, then my libido shrivelled and now I have very little interest in anything. If I do get an itch I can scratch it myself without any of the hassle of screening new men and hoping they know what they’re doing.

Wholeheartedly agree - twice divorced - never ever again will I entertain another relationship. The only males that will be part of my life are offspring!

I find IME the calibre of males born between 1950-75 are mainly dire.

To quote Bridget most are alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, people with girlfriends or wives, misogynists, megalomanics, chauvists, emotional fuckwits or freeloaders, perverts. And add to that list narcissistic wank jobs.

Since I turned 40 I decided I didn’t want a relationship again, infact I decided it years before but it was solidified then. Now I’m single but I seek men out for what I need.. sex, night out, attraction, dancing, banter etc. And I never get hurt because that’s all I want. That’s all they want. Everyone’s happy. Once I realised it I felt empowered. Men are who they are, which to me are not people I want to open my heart to, live with etc. I now enjoy them for what they are. And they are all the same…
There are happy mediums

This is such an inspiring post! I’d started to think I was a bit odd. I was widowed in my forties, and now in my fifties I have no thoughts about finding someone else*
I loved my husband more than anything, and miss him every day but I’m quite content with my dogs and my close circle of friends.

*Henry Cavill being the one exception

This is a very balanced way of looking at it.

I am 34 and separated from my husband 2 years ago. I related to a lot of posts on here about not wanting to head back into a relationship. It's too much work and often leads to disappointment.

The sex, dates, companionship and banter I want. All the extra I can leave!

Waves to @MargoLivebetter

i feel diff to you. I would like to date again as think everyone should love and be loved

but not ready to date yet

52. An 8yr so prob will never I’ve with someone again while she is young

two marriages. One ended as dh died. 2nd middle of divorce at the moment

I have fab friends and happy on won in house and watching what I like on tv 😂. But yes in the future wouid like some companion as I could live to 90 so that’s almost 40yrs alone

I made this decision over a decade ago and I'm in my early 60s and I'm happily single. If a relationship isn't bringing anything of any real value to the table, why bother?

It’s great isn’t it!
and the funny thing I’ve found… is that my lack of wanting more from them, means they want more from me. They talk about commitment etc.
But I know what that looks like.. they think they want it but really they just want to own a woman, stop me seeing others, and/or have someone to look after them. They’ll crush my spirit, make me insecure, I’ll get bored and resentful, I’ll lose attraction.
I just love this way. I’m always in control, and enjoy the good bits. Still lots of affection and care but my heart is staying locked in ice 😂 my house man free, my decisions my own and my bed 99% to myself.

That's interesting and it's great you can see it for what it is they really want. I honestly love this mindset - it's the best of both worlds.

I do. Have been single since 2016 and absolutely zero interest in meeting any man. I’m happy, solvent, busy and content with my young adult children and many friends and interests. I’m now 60.

I've been single for 2 years after being in a relationship/ married for 18 years and there's hell no way would I get involved again. My situation is maybe a bit different to others on here but I found out in 2023 that he'd been shagging around for 4 years and when I confronted him his reasoning was he was bored. Yes we had our ups and downs but fundamentally I thought the marriage was solid, how stupid was I.
He never apologised, didn't think he'd done anything wrong and once I found out I went digging around and that was a huge mistake. I found all kinds of everything, the details of which I won't elaborate on. Eventually he agreed to a divorce in September 2024, I refused to leave the marital home and he couldn't afford to rent anything due to poor credit rating and debts so the only way he could have freedom was by divorcing me. Then he died in November 2024, he didn't have a will, he hadn't changed his beneficiaries on anything to the current ting tong slag so much to his family's disgust, I ended up with everything. I paid his debts, blocked his family on everything, sold the house and moved 250 miles away and I couldn't be happier .
Do I want to put myself through the lies/ betrayal etc etc again? Not a fucking chance. I'm at peace with my world. And before anyone says anything, I know all men are not the same and there are good ones out there I'm just not in the right headspace to even contemplate a new relationship. I've just turned 57 and being single for the rest of my life doesn't scare me.

Sorry for the long post 🙂

you’ve been in this position in your 50’s?

I find it so weird that so many women in long term happy marriages/relationships have come into this thread to tell us how happy they are and they absolutely understand how we feel. Bizarre.

@ozarinayou chose to come onto a thread about being long term single to get offended? 🙄

I'm not offended 🤷‍♀️ what I said was married women always say " oh I wouldn't get married again if anything happened to Dudley" ... my point was they don't know how lonely it can be .

Why are you picking on me when there are SEVERAL posters who have made exactly the same point ? Tag them too.

Oh wait here - you've had a go at some others . 🙄🙄

I was widowed at 40, having been with my DH since we were teens. I tried modern dating and I think it's not for me. I just... casual sex didn't make me feel good, and I don't want to tell strangers all my personal information over and over, packaged up into some kind of funny story. And it has to be packaged as my life has been a bit odd tbh and needs explaining carefully.

It's not been hard to get dates or anything, and most of the men have been perfectly nice, but I just don't enjoy the process. I think it's only for extroverts.

There aren't really any other ways to meet people these days however; it's not like when I was younger. Certainly nobody at work is making a move!

I'm not unhappy single. I have a stimulating job and wonderful life and lots of friends. I don't need a man financially or emotionally. Maybe if I was lonely I would feel more motivated to endure the dating thing, but I'm not lonely. I'm too busy if anything! But sometimes I do wish a nice man would ask me out (sorry I know it's illegal nowadays but I do). I'd probably say yes!

I'm nearly 44. My children are 4 and 9. I was done with relationships after my daughter was born. I really can't see me having another one. I'm enjoying my children too much right now and when they are grown up, if I've got any energy left I'd like to foster.

I’m 54 and when in the throes of extracting myself from a dead marriage I swore I would never get into a serious relationship again.

I’ve been on my own a year now and actually feel very lonely which has come as a bit of a shock. I would love to meet someone but the pool of available emotionally secure men seems to be very small and I’m too scared to try OLD

Sorry to hear that you are feeling lonely @shizgigz . FWIW, there is nothing that scary about OLD. It's just a bunch of random people and if you are cautious and sensible, you can meet lots of them for a coffee in broad daylight and see if there is anything remotely appealing about them physically or emotionally. If you see it as a coffee with a job applicant it makes it much less loaded.

I like this approach, thank you.

I am considering OLD as well, having been single for the best part of thirteen years and yes, lonely as well shizgigz. But if I do it, I will do it alongside other things which make me happy and which help me achieve my own goals. Like a two-pronged approach.