Page 4 | To not date and not be in a relationship - possibly ever again

MargoLivebetter · 2025-10-14T14:22:30+00:00

I finished a longish term relationship a couple of months ago. I'm mid 50s and for the first time ever in my life, I am thinking that I will not date again or be in a relationship. I feel strangely peaceful and content about it all, and slightly surprised that I've arrived here. Are there others out there who have reached this decision too? If yes, how is it going?

ClawsandEffect · 14/10/2025 23:03

Older woman here. Zero desire for a bloke in my life. I spent the vast majority of my life in long-term relationships and have come to the conclusion that men have nothing to offer me. Of course, I probably have nothing to offer them either!

None of my LTR have added to my life. They've all been to my detriment in one way or another. There have of course been some good bits. But mostly they didn't add offer added value.

I'm not surprised there's a male loneliness epidemic. Women are realising their lives are better alone. I'm not sure the same can be said for blokes. You'd think they'd cotton on and sort themselves out really. Their loss!

DinoLil · 14/10/2025 23:45

I'm mid 50s and haven't been in a relationship for 10 odd years. I don't want one, either. I'm happy as I am.

Gettingbysomehow · 14/10/2025 23:48

Im 63 and divorced. Im thrilled to be single. It's just me and my cats and I couldn't be happier.
My ex husband bored me to death. Now I do whatever I want.

JJZ · 15/10/2025 00:15

toffeeappleturnip · 14/10/2025 17:10

I've been single for nearly 4 years now after being a serial monogamist since I was 16.

I absolutely love it and have no interest whatsoever in changing anything.

I can do what I want, when I want, with whoever I want.

I'm about to have a lovely after work nap and might just eat toast for supper before bed.

It is total bliss.

You know you can do those things while in a relationship - being coupled up doesn’t automatically remove any rights you have to decide what you eat and when you sleep!

TwistedWonder · 15/10/2025 00:29

I honestly can’t imagine finishing work and there’s another person in my flat. And even worse, they want to have a conversation with me.

WaryHiker · 15/10/2025 00:40

My husband is as very near perfect as you could get, but there is no way I could be bothered to date or live with another man if we were no longer together.

And that has nothing to do with thinking I could never find someone else as kind and funny and intelligent, although it's highly unlikely I could! But somewhere around the time I turned fifty, I realised that living by myself would be a lot of fun and wouldn't necessitate any compromises at all. I don't want to get rid of my husband, and I love him dearly, but I would never attempt to replace him.

Happy9 · 15/10/2025 01:40

I think those of us that are in a relationship that after a long time one it's need rather than want financial reasons (I work FYI) living on one's own unless finance stable is practically impossible on one income nowadays as a min wage earner it'd never be possible

ozarina · 15/10/2025 02:08

Orangesandlemons77 · 14/10/2025 15:29

I'm married but would feel the same in future regarding other partners. Nearly fifty

People who are married always say this. They don't know how lonely it can be when you are not in a relationship.

cloudtreecarpet · 15/10/2025 06:16

ozarina · 15/10/2025 02:08

People who are married always say this. They don't know how lonely it can be when you are not in a relationship.

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I agree.
As a single person myself, it really grates when people who are married hop on to threads like these to say "I'm happily married but if I wasn't.."
You're not in that position so you don't actually know how it would feel.

toffeeappleturnip · 15/10/2025 06:55

JJZ · 15/10/2025 00:15

You know you can do those things while in a relationship - being coupled up doesn’t automatically remove any rights you have to decide what you eat and when you sleep!

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Of course not. But when you are in a couple of course you are considerate about eating food you both enjoy. If you are asleep and the other person is busy around the house it is disturbing. When you both have a day off you discuss what you both might like to do for the day. I just can't be arsed with all that any more.

I have been in lovely, long term, relationships all my life. But being single is better. It just is.

SouthernNights59 · 15/10/2025 07:10

I'm 66 and in the 23 years since my exDH and I separated I've only been on one (reluctant) date. I'm perfectly happy and love being single.

SouthernNights59 · 15/10/2025 07:13

Dandelionsarepretty · 14/10/2025 18:42

This is interesting. Did your exes remarry?

Mine didn't.

3678194b · 15/10/2025 07:18

I was widowed mid 30's. Ten years later I'm still alone.

While in the early years I was open to possibly meeting someone else, I never did. Have never even dated, online dating is not for me. I think an ideal man must only be in my imagination anyhow.

I've come to the fact I'm probably better off alone.

Gettingbysomehow · 15/10/2025 07:23

I never feel lonely.

TwistedWonder · 15/10/2025 07:27

ozarina · 15/10/2025 02:08

People who are married always say this. They don't know how lonely it can be when you are not in a relationship.

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I don’t feel lonely at all.. I have a great friendship circle and for me living alone is bliss.

I think too many people end up in the wrong relationship just because they don’t want to be alone

ForTipsyFinch · 15/10/2025 07:43

TwistedWonder · 15/10/2025 07:27

I don’t feel lonely at all.. I have a great friendship circle and for me living alone is bliss.

I think too many people end up in the wrong relationship just because they don’t want to be alone

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I also think a lot of people (usually men) expect a romantic relationship to be their entire emotional infrastructure- they see single as being ‘alone’ because they haven’t ever seen the value in building anything outside of a relationship. But then society does push ‘romance’ as the pinnacle of connection and happiness…I’ve never seen it that way but it is so ingrained in society.

Original poster

MargoLivebetter · 15/10/2025 08:19

Thank you for all the posts. What an inspiring read.

Interesting that loneliness came up, because I felt the most lonely in my marriage. I remember the devastating feeling of thinking I had a proper partner but realising that they weren't actually there for me at all. Being physically on my own does not feel lonely to me.

I was also interested to read of so many other posters who have had crappy relationships too. I had the requisite abusive childhood that led on to abusive relationships. Then I did a shit ton of therapy and that was transformative, hence thinking I'd cracked it with my last DP. However, even though he wasn't an outright arsehole, he ended up feeling like a giant emotional millstone and who wants that?!

I watched something recently on TikTok (the font of all knowledge 😂) and it was a woman saying that the single best thing a man can do for his health and wellbeing outcome is be married and the single worst thing a woman could do for her health and wellbeing outcome is be married. She backed it up with some stats too. I'm going to dig around on that some more, because I think that is fascintating!

OP posts:

TroysMammy · 15/10/2025 11:38

ozarina · 15/10/2025 02:08

People who are married always say this. They don't know how lonely it can be when you are not in a relationship.

Show quote history

I'd rather have a few more cats.

Dandelionsarepretty · 15/10/2025 12:48

I divorced three years ago. Prior to my marriage I had several long term relationships. All of them were horrible once they stopped pretending. I’ve come to realise it’s not one bad egg.

TwistedWonder · 15/10/2025 12:58

I seem to be a bit of an outlier in the single forever group as my marriage was great up until the last few years where we drifted in different directions and became more like roommates with a shared DS.

So mine is nothing to do with having a crap history with men I think once I’d done my years of being a wife and mum, it’s my time for peace

BetterOffNow · 15/10/2025 13:03

I decided I was going to be single forever at the age of 50 having put a 6 year relationship and a 16 year marriage behind me, then I met my current partner😂
Neither of us wanted a relationship but fate had other ideas and we're very happily settled now.
The best place you can be is to be happy single, then only allow someone new into your life if they add to your happiness, I think.

fireandlightening · 15/10/2025 14:34

MargoLivebetter · 15/10/2025 08:19

Thank you for all the posts. What an inspiring read.

Interesting that loneliness came up, because I felt the most lonely in my marriage. I remember the devastating feeling of thinking I had a proper partner but realising that they weren't actually there for me at all. Being physically on my own does not feel lonely to me.

I was also interested to read of so many other posters who have had crappy relationships too. I had the requisite abusive childhood that led on to abusive relationships. Then I did a shit ton of therapy and that was transformative, hence thinking I'd cracked it with my last DP. However, even though he wasn't an outright arsehole, he ended up feeling like a giant emotional millstone and who wants that?!

I watched something recently on TikTok (the font of all knowledge 😂) and it was a woman saying that the single best thing a man can do for his health and wellbeing outcome is be married and the single worst thing a woman could do for her health and wellbeing outcome is be married. She backed it up with some stats too. I'm going to dig around on that some more, because I think that is fascintating!

I agree with that - I think marriage at my stage in life (early 50s) is a truly daft idea. I'd only end up compromising my current financial security and my DC's inheritance (in case of death/divorce). My experience of marriage in any case was of a deeply patriarchal institution, notwithstanding superficial changes. I felt trapped for many reasons, and I never want to be in that position again.

I also very much agree on loneliness. I've never been as lonely as I was when in a toxic, cold, sexless and loveless marriage. In fact the mismatch between what it looked like to the external world (perfect couple on paper) and the reality of the relationship, grated on me daily.

I think if you are happy being single, you are much more likely to make healthy choices about relationships, and also be clear about your needs/desires. I do think being afraid of being alone makes women subject themselves to all sorts of situations that they really shouldn't be in. So, for all the women on this thread - being happy single is a very healthy life-affirming thing, and much more likely to lead to healthy bespoke relationships that can bring fun, joy and sex in ones life!

SpigTheFish · 15/10/2025 22:12

Happy9 · 15/10/2025 01:40

I think those of us that are in a relationship that after a long time one it's need rather than want financial reasons (I work FYI) living on one's own unless finance stable is practically impossible on one income nowadays as a min wage earner it'd never be possible

Unless you live with a companion.

A friend, a colleague, a family member, or in a house share maybe.

There are lots of options other than living with a romantic partner.

WaryHiker · 16/10/2025 00:13

cloudtreecarpet · 15/10/2025 06:16

I agree.
As a single person myself, it really grates when people who are married hop on to threads like these to say "I'm happily married but if I wasn't.."
You're not in that position so you don't actually know how it would feel.

Show quote history

We had to live across continents for more than two years, barely seeing each other, and that hasn't changed my mind. I'm an introvert and would be quite happy living alone. My husband adds to my life because of who he is as a person, not because having another person around is necessary to me.

ozarina · 16/10/2025 00:29

cloudtreecarpet · 15/10/2025 06:16

I agree.
As a single person myself, it really grates when people who are married hop on to threads like these to say "I'm happily married but if I wasn't.."
You're not in that position so you don't actually know how it would feel.

Show quote history

They always go on about how they LOVE their husband being away for the day either his friends BUT they know he will be back that night. They don't get it . This was the point I made. I wasn't decrying anyone who likes the single life.

Now yes indeed there are people who prefer a single life but that's not for me. I hated the isolation. I wasn't working. Unless I went out I would not see anyone to talk to. I'm a social person and yes there are many practical reasons - the person who picks you up after you've had sedation at the hospital or the one you turn to and voice your worries. I was lucky.