To not date and not be in a relationship - possibly ever again

[MargoLivebetter]

I finished a longish term relationship a couple of months ago. I'm mid 50s and for the first time ever in my life, I am thinking that I will not date again or be in a relationship. I feel strangely peaceful and content about it all, and slightly surprised that I've arrived here.

Are there others out there who have reached this decision too? If yes, how is it going?

If I didn't miss kissing, I'd happily stay celibate forever. I like my peace and my house with just me and Cat Of Hate.

Exactly this! Men really need to sort themselves out if they want to be in a good relationship.

Most just want sex though when it comes down to it.

I agree but I think our lack of libido is down to men like this. I have no desire to sleep with them. Im sure I would if they were fantastic men.

Gosh yeah, I miss kissing a lot.. sex not really which surprises me. I just ignore the kissing thoughts when they enter my mind….

I’m 45 and while I would like a male companion I would certainly never live a man again and would struggle to trust him enough to start integrating into my life with my family and friends etc.

I’m 55 and split from exH over 5 years ago. I have no intention of getting into another relationship ever - not even FWB as my libido is 0!! I’m really happy with this, even though some people have expressed surprise.

Agree. It’s like when someone says they’ll be spending Christmas alone and what should they do and you get all the married people saying how they would spend it if they were alone. Like that’s the same.

Or worse, how they would love to be able to spend time alone at Xmas!

When my marriage ended & I was quite upset I had married friends tell me how "envious" they were of me because I had all that freedom & could have "sex with anyone". I have never forgotten how angry & dismissed that made me feel.

Agree. Sorry you were made to feel like that.

I was 51 when my last very close relationship ended. I said at the time I was never, ever going to have a relationship again. I was done. I'd been hurt far too much in my life previously. The decision was a knee jerk reaction and I surprised even myself when I said it whilst very upset.

But the effort of getting to know someone, opening up to them, trusting them, loving them so much and being so let down in the end is too soul crushing. And I know my mental health would suffer if it happened again.

I've lived on my own ever since, and had true peace and freedom. It took some adjustment but I love it and my life is my own, my own decisions, my own time, my own needs and wants taken care of. I know many women who make the same life style choice at a similar age/stage, as you can also see from previous posts. I don't think many would change course if they are fulfilled and independent, which in my mind is what to aim for. 20+ years on I'm still happy and life is good.

Wait - are you saying women who are fulfilled etc wouldn't hook up with someone else ? You are suggesting there is something negative about them ?

I'm 64 and have been totally single for the last six years, no regrets whatsoever. Apparently though I have become a cross between Gwyneth Paltrow and Paloma Faith because I have never had so many men keen to date me. However, men of my age are just not attractive and, I suspect, don't really care about who I am as a woman, they just see 'single woman own house' and think that, as I must be gagging for it, they are in with a shout.

They are not. I have a house and a dog and friends. What the hell would I want a man for?

I meant: if people who have chosen to live without a partner then go on to find it fulfilling and therefore do not feel the need to look for someone to live with/marry/make a family with...and if they enjoy the independence and the ability to live their own life in every way, then they will not feel the need to change being single. That it's been the right choice - for them.

Of course women who feel fulfilled in life will also choose to find a partner and respond to any future partner who wants the same. We are talking about women who choose not to date again, not those who do.

I have to agree with the second paragraph - I just don’t know if I want to put myself through that time and time again. (Which seems to be the case!).

I have been single for around 10 years, since my late 40s. Was still open to relationships at first, but gradually realised they are nowhere near as good as being single! I'm happy as I am now )) The only issue is some people think being single is a sign of something being wrong with me. But I dont really care tbh.

I’m mid 50’s, single and very content to stay that way. I have no intention of actively seeking a new partner, nor do I want to date people. I have friends and family, there is no vacancy in my life that needs filling.

I’ve certainly felt that way, like there was something wrong with me and I’m a failure, but to be honest, when I look at the quality of some of the relationships, I’d rather be single and happy than put up with that.

I am in a long term relationship but I'm happy in a relationship and happy single. If it ended I'd be sad but I'd have no intention of meeting anyone else and be pretty content on my own.

with all respect so many have commented here saying the exact same. You can’t really know until you’re in that position.

Yes I have been in this position so I know from both sides. Every situation is different I agree. This is my opinion just like everyone else's on here.

I think for us older women, the "dating again" scene is made more difficult because many (not all) men nowadays seem to want a much younger woman on their arm when starting again. That means as a 60yo woman I could be looking at 70+ year olds as potential partners. No thanks.

This is so true. I'm not on the apps now but when I was my "pool" of likes came from men 20+ years older than me. Very rare to get a like/match from anyone my age.

If I ended up single now, I wouldn’t bother again.

I am in my late forties and in a long marriage and can categorically say if I was divorced or widowed tomorrow there’s not a chance I would ever have another relationship with a man again. I certainly wouldn’t ever be looking for love, cohabiting, marriage etc.

If I wanted sex, I might occasionally seek it.
But I dont want to ‘do it all’ again with someone else - the dating, getting to know each other, all the firsts etc. All so time consuming and energy sapping. I think most older women have got plenty of other things they’d rather be getting on with!

And online dating? I’d rather stick pins in my eyes.