I’m in a right mess. What the fuck do I do?

[IAmInAPickle]

I am 26, I have a stable job and my own house so that doesn’t have a bearing on the situation I am in.

My ex and I (I’ll call him Leo for the sake of this post) broke up a year ago. It was entirely mutual, because we were both too busy to dedicate enough time to our relationship. We’d been together for two years and it honestly broke my heart. We were both just as upset and heartbroken as each other, but we knew it had to happen because we just weren’t good partners for each other. He has always felt like my “what could have been”, he was the right person at the wrong time.

About twelve weeks ago, I met up with a friend (I’ll call him Adam) for coffee. Adam mentioned quite off the cuff that he had always liked me and wanted to take me on a date. I agreed, because I really liked him too and decided it would be fun.

After a couple of dates it became clear that the limit of our relationship was lust, and wouldn’t become romantic.

We ended up in a sort of friends with benefits situation and it was all good, until I realised that I’ve missed my period. I’ve done a test and it’s positive, and I think I’m about four weeks.

I’ve told Adam and he has said the ball is entirely in my court. If I want the baby, he will step up and we can coparent. If I don’t, he’ll support that.

I was leaning towards keeping the baby until Leo texted me and said he misses me, he wants to give things another go and he is serious about me. This has really thrown my head into a scramble.

i don’t know what I’m hoping to achieve by posting this and I guess I just need some sort of advice because I don’t know what to do

Saying he would gave an abortion if he were in your shoes is not expressing a personal preference about what you should do, it’s a hypothetical about what he thinks he as a totally separate person would do (and a fairly meaningless one since he isn’t and never will. Be a pregnant woman!). The hypothetical doesn’t include you.
I would discount it in terms of your decision. Don’t factor in a man unrelated to the situation, make your own choice.

Good decision.

I wouldn't try and sway you either way, it makes no difference to my life if you keep or end the pregnancy. The two things I would ask you to think about would be this:

If you end the pregnancy, and things don't work out with Leo, how will you feel?

If you end the pregnancy and are unable to get pregnant with Leo in the future, how will you feel?

It's worth considering both of these things before you decide. You don't need to post your answers here, but if you were my friend, asking for advice, this is what I's suggest you consider.

I hope you make the decision that's best for you, whatever that may be @IAmInAPickle.

OP with all my respect. I think neither of them supports you. What I see is they are telling you "do whatever you want I will see what I do after, I may hang about for a bit or whatever" that is the vibe I have with those guys bringing you support.
All the best for you. I still think you should dump both guys.

I agree with all of this. Leo is far too involved in your decision making and he should be taking a step back instead of telling you “what he would do” and he needs to stop talking about plans you could do together. It’s a complication and noise you don’t need right now.

I’ve decided to go for the abortion.

I’ve just received a big bonus at work and immediately said to myself that I wanted to spend it on travel, and that made my mind up. I don’t want to have to give that up yet.

Good decision. You can now also start seeing Leo again to see how that goes without the complication of another man's child.

Good call.
Wishing you all the best.

Don't feel any shame about getting pissed and pregnant, it happens A LOT. Most people are pissed when they get pregnant 😅

Well, a lot, I certainly was and I've also had plenty of injudicious shags.

Clearly you are.

Glad you’ve come to a decision. Best of luck with it and enjoy your travels. Hopefully Leo won’t do a runner after five minutes but if he does you just go and enjoy your life.

its not an easy decision so well done for coming to one so quickly @IAmInAPickle . Also congrats on your new pay rise and hope you enjoy travelling in the future.

I really do hope it does work out for you and Leo and that he is as good of a guy as you think he is.

I know someone who was in exactly the same situation. She kept the baby, then 'Leo' said she was still the one and he wanted to be with her despite her being pregnant by 'Adam'. It lasted 5 min then Leo disappeared. He rocked up another 10 years later saying she was still the one and again that only lasted months. I get the feeling he would have treated her the same way if she hadn't kept Adam's baby. So many people have exes who come sniffing around for second or even third chances and so often it doesn't work out. Adam has had variable amounts of contact with her child over the years. ALL that matters in your situation is whether you want the baby and understand the level of self-sacrifice and hard work involved (all worth it if it's what you want but not to be taken lightly). Being a lone parent is tough and the women I know who have experienced it have wanted a baby more than anything and that got them through it.

Well you have made the decision to have an abortion to get back with your ex

Hope that was the right decision for you

Yeah. She went right to abortion as soon as the words pay rise were mentioned

Leo is a tit

Tell Leo you're pregnant with another man's child - if he takes it in his stride and still wants to be with you and your soon-to-be-newborn, then he's worth thinking about - if he freaks out and backs off (and nobody would blame him), then it's between you and Adam and your unborn. You must do what you can live with - they both sound like good people. Don't indulge in magical thinking, everything happens for a reason blah blah - in nine months you could be a Mother - think very, very hard about this.

You won't get destroyed by me that's for sure - a lot of people have done that. Face facts though - can you afford it, are you prepared to make the sacrifices, can you make it work if neither of these men were around? This is about you and a potential baby - the men shouldn't be influencing your decision - and nor should 'Fate' or 'Woo-woo' - you'll find fast enough that doesn't count against harsh facts. Best of luck. x

I know this a thread is a zombie and OP has presumably had an abortion or moved onto another creative writing project but this gave me the best laugh I've had in ages.

All the people - fictional or not - in this story are tits. But many of us were at that age, I certainly was.