I’m in a right mess. What the fuck do I do?

[IAmInAPickle]

I am 26, I have a stable job and my own house so that doesn’t have a bearing on the situation I am in.

My ex and I (I’ll call him Leo for the sake of this post) broke up a year ago. It was entirely mutual, because we were both too busy to dedicate enough time to our relationship. We’d been together for two years and it honestly broke my heart. We were both just as upset and heartbroken as each other, but we knew it had to happen because we just weren’t good partners for each other. He has always felt like my “what could have been”, he was the right person at the wrong time.

About twelve weeks ago, I met up with a friend (I’ll call him Adam) for coffee. Adam mentioned quite off the cuff that he had always liked me and wanted to take me on a date. I agreed, because I really liked him too and decided it would be fun.

After a couple of dates it became clear that the limit of our relationship was lust, and wouldn’t become romantic.

We ended up in a sort of friends with benefits situation and it was all good, until I realised that I’ve missed my period. I’ve done a test and it’s positive, and I think I’m about four weeks.

I’ve told Adam and he has said the ball is entirely in my court. If I want the baby, he will step up and we can coparent. If I don’t, he’ll support that.

I was leaning towards keeping the baby until Leo texted me and said he misses me, he wants to give things another go and he is serious about me. This has really thrown my head into a scramble.

i don’t know what I’m hoping to achieve by posting this and I guess I just need some sort of advice because I don’t know what to do

but it was the start of a pregnancy.

I’m sure you could do it but do you want to do it? You’re very young and have plenty of time to have a baby in far better circumstances. If it was me, I wouldn’t go ahead with this pregnancy. You need to work on what you want out of your own life first before bringing another life into the world.

Yes, thats how it works.

Never made any questionable choices while drunk then? Good for you.

@PyongyangKipperbang , that's not relevant. I'm not the one impregnated by FWB.

And?

You are the one judging though. So yes it is very relevant.

Judge not lest ye be judged and all that.....

You wouldn't have started a I’m in a right mess. What the fuck do I do? thread if you had used contraception.

I'm not judging you for that. I'm judging you because you come across as an arse.

The "3 days a week as a City lawyer at 26" thing is absolute nonsense- the sort of thing you might make up if you knew absolutely nothing about City law, which makes me think the whole story is bollocks.

I assume you understand the meaning of irony?

But it’s not. You clearly know fuck all about it.

It is though. You could at least have claimed to be a PSL and then we could have debated whether anyone could be a PSL at 26, made a game of it.

She has said that she has contacted BPAS and I fully support HER decision because it is her decision, right for her. The start of the thread she had not mentioned that at all, as you well know. I have multiple friends that have had abortions and they do not regret it, and knew that was what they needed and wanted. OP seemed wavering initially - her body her choice whatever she decides.

I stand by my original point, there is a huge level of hypocrisy of encouraging one woman to have a baby and another to not, and the pile on the OP has had has been awful which did not happen in the other post. Age should not be a reason for people to criticise and be nasty. I’m glad OP is making a decision that is best for her and what she wants.

I think @andfinallyhereweare had the most balanced, comforting response

It’s quite embarrassing for you to be honest, you have no idea.

• by far, your worst mistake would be to have a baby because you were 'leaning into it"!

Foul language isn't irony.

I think mumsnet should look into this thread because there is so much that doesn't add up here:

• Considering a termination because an ex got in touch
• City lawyer with flex at 26
• Mortage in London at 26 on a 3 day a week salary
• Ex miraculously wants to give it a go despire pregnant with someone else's child

..... er. Ok.

Interesting.

Ah so you dont, right ok.

I do, but it seems you don't, @PyongyangKipperbang .

I reported it yesterday. Reeks of 🐂💩

You shouldn't be so flippant about ending a pregnancy. Although in your case it's probably the best option as you sound very immature.

I had thought the career position sounded unlikely, but then I'm basing it on my lawyer friends from 20 years ago!

So who knows. The sideline might be crypto or something, or the family may be very well-off, hence the property.

I stand by my general advice on being really careful when choosing a co-parent.

And don't underrate how exhausting it is, and that risks can come out of nowhere, even for the well-off and well-qualified.

I was at school/university with people whose parents had to pull them out of school and move house after a wave of job losses in finance - after having had very privileged childhoods. They found it very tough.

Not sure why you’re getting such a hoofing on here.

I also had a right person wrong time situation. We ended up having kids in relationships with other people. They didn’t work out and we got together and it finally felt like right time because life was less busy. There is no shame in knowing it’s the right person and life is just hard to fit sometimes.

Again no shame in deciding to raise a child as a single parent. I have done it and contrary to popular (narrow minded) belief it wasn’t a struggle financially, mentally or physically and my now grown up child hasn’t got mental health or daddy issues.

Just do what feels right. Do the thing you know you’ll not regret should the worst happen with Leo.

BigAnne with a big attitude problem.

Well, if we’re talking about immature, you’re the one morally bashing a pregnant woman on a forum.