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Original poster

I’m in a right mess. What the fuck do I do?

694 replies

IAmInAPickle · 13/10/2025 14:58

I am 26, I have a stable job and my own house so that doesn’t have a bearing on the situation I am in.

My ex and I (I’ll call him Leo for the sake of this post) broke up a year ago. It was entirely mutual, because we were both too busy to dedicate enough time to our relationship. We’d been together for two years and it honestly broke my heart. We were both just as upset and heartbroken as each other, but we knew it had to happen because we just weren’t good partners for each other. He has always felt like my “what could have been”, he was the right person at the wrong time.

About twelve weeks ago, I met up with a friend (I’ll call him Adam) for coffee. Adam mentioned quite off the cuff that he had always liked me and wanted to take me on a date. I agreed, because I really liked him too and decided it would be fun.

After a couple of dates it became clear that the limit of our relationship was lust, and wouldn’t become romantic.

We ended up in a sort of friends with benefits situation and it was all good, until I realised that I’ve missed my period. I’ve done a test and it’s positive, and I think I’m about four weeks.

I’ve told Adam and he has said the ball is entirely in my court. If I want the baby, he will step up and we can coparent. If I don’t, he’ll support that.

I was leaning towards keeping the baby until Leo texted me and said he misses me, he wants to give things another go and he is serious about me. This has really thrown my head into a scramble.

i don’t know what I’m hoping to achieve by posting this and I guess I just need some sort of advice because I don’t know what to do

OP posts:
Illegally18 · 15/10/2025 12:42

IAmInAPickle · 13/10/2025 18:49

Yes, I do. I’m not religious as such but I do believe that the things I’ve experienced in my life have happened for a reason

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well...then they've been clearly good things.

MixedFeelingsNoFeelings · 15/10/2025 16:27

Curiouser and curiouser! OP's story really does read like an ITV drama, or a Sally Rooney, with stock characters and just-about-plausible plotlines.

Successful young lawyer becomes pregnant after a drunken fumble with friend Random Adam. The relationship turned out to be purely based on lust. She's always wanted kids, but it's with the wrong guy.

Her true love is Leo, who she split with, amicably but heartbreakingly, because they were both burnt out from high-powered careers. (Flashback to therapy - she's worked on herself and is much more together now.) They had so much in common, eg travel.

Now, out of the blue, Leo is back on the scene and says he's serious about her! This has happened for a reason! To complicate matters further, in a surprise move, FWB Adam has stepped up, saying he'll support her whatever she decides to do about the baby. She quickly meets up with Leo, tells him what's happened - and he reiterates the same sentiments as Adam - he supports her decision no matter what! [What, Leo loves her so much that at this hastily-convened reunion he says no problem, he'll bring up the child she's conceived from a drunken mistake with Adam, if that's what she wants? Unlikely IRL.]

Should she abort? A termination just feels so final, so forever. But then so does saying no to Leo. Because what if? She doesn't know which what if would be worse. At the same time, she does not consider the embryo to be a living thing. Yes she has to get an abortion, but that's not a crime. [OP might want to revisit this character inconsistency.]
.........

The flaw in this plot I think is that the reader/viewer isn't sure what the pickle is, because OP hasn't quite sorted out her characters' dilemmas. Might I recommend ChatGPT? Getting online strangers to spill their life stories and views on abortion seems a bit unnecessary.

TheHillIsMine · 15/10/2025 16:52

UnderstoodBetsy · 14/10/2025 21:43

Emotions aren’t biological facts. It makes as much sense to say that a 4-week-old embryo the size of a poppy seed is the same thing as a grown man. Yes, your son is a grown man now. He wasn’t at 4 weeks gestation.

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I never said he was. But firm the minute I saw the positive test he was real to me. As he is real to me now. But clearly not in the same way. As a five year old isn't as real as a fifty year old. They are different ages..

TheHillIsMine · 15/10/2025 16:54

SadOldLadyOfTheLowlands · 15/10/2025 09:23

What consequences?

Woah, you're sounding a bit pro-life (or forced birth as it actually is)

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To me, as soon as a pregnancy test is positive it is a real being. I am 100% not trying to force her to have this child.

Umidontknow · 15/10/2025 19:16

TheHillIsMine · 14/10/2025 20:51

Where am I trying to guilt trip her?. I'm really not. I'm not tying to convince her to have the baby by any stretch

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So you want her to abort, but you also want to make her feel as shit as possible?

Barrenfieldoffucks · 15/10/2025 20:13

CrostaDiPizza · 14/10/2025 18:16

@Barrenfieldoffucks , it's not an alternative to using contraception.
If someone has unprotected sex, they can get the morning after pill.

And? What difference does that make now given she doesn't have a time machine?

DogRocket · 15/10/2025 20:30

I wouldn’t let a relationship be the decider of my baby or not. My ex didn’t want our baby and told me to get an abortion. I never wanted one, I kept my beautiful baby and life turned out well. I met my husband and he took her on as his own and we are still together years down the line and have more kids. Don’t do anything you’ll regret.

DogRocket · 15/10/2025 20:31

EveningSpread · 13/10/2025 15:29

I don’t mean this in a harsh way at all, but from your post you don’t sound mature enough to have a child if you’re considering an abortion because a man texted you.

You’re still very young. You have plenty of time to find someone suitable and have a baby that’s 100% wanted, when you’re in a good situation.

Solo parenting is hard and can be very lonely. Very few people go into that willingly. Especially so young.

Abortions are not ‘easy’ either. Just because a baby is a surprise it doesn’t mean you can’t make a good life. People are so frivolous about abortions now and I find it disturbing

DogRocket · 15/10/2025 20:37

HelpMeGetThrough · 13/10/2025 16:09

Don’t have a child. You are not in any way mature enough.

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It’s not your right to tell other people to have abortions. It’s not your body or your choice. You don’t know anything about this lady other than a few written posts in a confusing and emotional time in her life. Also many of us were ‘not mature’ when we fell pregnant but guess what? We matured, we learned, we grew as people and our kids are happy and thriving today. Stop encouraging other women into abortions unless they’ve explicitly said they want an abortion.

BarbarasRhabarberba · 15/10/2025 21:02

DogRocket · 15/10/2025 20:31

Abortions are not ‘easy’ either. Just because a baby is a surprise it doesn’t mean you can’t make a good life. People are so frivolous about abortions now and I find it disturbing

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Abortions are a darn sight easier than having a kid! It’s a healthcare procedure. Plenty of people have one and don’t feel any adverse mental effects so can we stop peddling the lie that everyone finds them traumatic.

Nestingbirds · 15/10/2025 21:05

It’s not a baby, it’s a cluster of cells that may or may not progress. Abortion is easy if you can not or do not want to be a mother for a life time. It is a life saving decision for so many women. Being free to make stable, careful decisions around bringing dc into the world is essential.

Dogaredabomb · 15/10/2025 21:20

TheHillIsMine · 15/10/2025 16:54

To me, as soon as a pregnancy test is positive it is a real being. I am 100% not trying to force her to have this child.

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Don't be silly, it's not at all viable for another 26 weeks or so. Therefore not a 'being'.

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/10/2025 22:26

DogRocket · 15/10/2025 20:37

It’s not your right to tell other people to have abortions. It’s not your body or your choice. You don’t know anything about this lady other than a few written posts in a confusing and emotional time in her life. Also many of us were ‘not mature’ when we fell pregnant but guess what? We matured, we learned, we grew as people and our kids are happy and thriving today. Stop encouraging other women into abortions unless they’ve explicitly said they want an abortion.

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She has. Are you going to shut the hell up now?

And my abortions (yes more than one, so shoot me) were easy because they were what I wanted and improved my life immeasurably, especially given how it would have been had I continued those pregnancies. I give them not one single thought until I see comments like yours.

itsnotalwaysthateasy · 15/10/2025 22:34

Anyone can look after a baby during mat leave. It does help to have two people looking after a child when you work, have to deal with school, after school clubs etc. If you do decide to go alone without Dad to potentially help, you will be alone without nights out, without the break...unless you have a very good supportive system in place.
After my life experiences, I would wait until you have a secure relationship. The first ex isn't this. Never look back, always look forward.

Purplerubberducky · 16/10/2025 03:32

DogRocket · 15/10/2025 20:37

It’s not your right to tell other people to have abortions. It’s not your body or your choice. You don’t know anything about this lady other than a few written posts in a confusing and emotional time in her life. Also many of us were ‘not mature’ when we fell pregnant but guess what? We matured, we learned, we grew as people and our kids are happy and thriving today. Stop encouraging other women into abortions unless they’ve explicitly said they want an abortion.

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No one should be forced into “learning” and “growing as a person” lol. Women do not need to continue accidental pregnancies in less than ideal circumstances anymore. Who exactly do you think that benefits?

Bonden · 16/10/2025 04:14

Bonkers. Absolutely bonkers. You and leo broke up because work was full on and you didn’t have time for each other? That’s what the first few years of parenthood are like….
can’t see why Leo would want to get back with a woman who is up the duff by a FWB tho.

Notaboutthebass · 16/10/2025 10:49

@IAmInAPickle Please don't let these people and their horrible comments get you down, I think you're doing the right thing and you only came on here for advice not a slating, you're not a bad person. Good luck.

TheHillIsMine · 16/10/2025 13:19

Umidontknow · 15/10/2025 19:16

So you want her to abort, but you also want to make her feel as shit as possible?

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No🙄

TheHillIsMine · 16/10/2025 13:20

Dogaredabomb · 15/10/2025 21:20

Don't be silly, it's not at all viable for another 26 weeks or so. Therefore not a 'being'.

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Don't be rude. It was my baby. It affects you not one iota that I felt that. I am well aware of viabilities.

Handeyethingyowl · 16/10/2025 14:08

TheHillIsMine · 16/10/2025 13:20

Don't be rude. It was my baby. It affects you not one iota that I felt that. I am well aware of viabilities.

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And it affects you not one iota if other people have abortions and yet, your comments keep coming.

Interesting that this tale has turned into a pro-life debate.

Original poster
IAmInAPickle · 16/10/2025 15:18

Leo has now said that his personal preference would be for me to get an abortion and I think I agree with that. There are a lot of things I want to do in life before I have a child, and although you can do things like travel with a child, I’d like to experience it without one. I’m going to have some counselling about the decision but I am pretty certain it’s what I want to do.

OP posts:
CherrieTomaties · 16/10/2025 15:27

IAmInAPickle · 16/10/2025 15:18

Leo has now said that his personal preference would be for me to get an abortion and I think I agree with that. There are a lot of things I want to do in life before I have a child, and although you can do things like travel with a child, I’d like to experience it without one. I’m going to have some counselling about the decision but I am pretty certain it’s what I want to do.

Of course he’s going to tell you to get an abortion since it’s not his child. That should tell you everything about his character. What a slimy loser.

Your pregnancy is absolutely nothing to do with Leo. He should have never told you what his “personal preference” is about your personal medical information.

I wish you all the best going forwards if you decide to have a termination. But please only do it if it’s what you want. Don’t base your decision around a potential future romantic relationship with Leo.

Tiswa · 16/10/2025 15:35

@IAmInAPickle why are you giving Leo a personal preference he doesn’t have one. Arguably Adam as the Dad doesn’t really either but certainly not him

Make the right decision for you separate to both men

and if Leo were a decent man who was your soulmate he wouldn’t have a personal preference he would support yours

Simplygreen · 16/10/2025 15:46

Just make sure you consider what will happen if it doesn’t work out with Leo. How will you feel then?

Umbilicat · 16/10/2025 15:46

@IAmInAPickle Please ignore all the forced birthers on here. Enjoy your life with or without Leo. Have a child later when you are ready. I wish you the very best.