I’m in a right mess. What the fuck do I do?

[IAmInAPickle]

I am 26, I have a stable job and my own house so that doesn’t have a bearing on the situation I am in.

My ex and I (I’ll call him Leo for the sake of this post) broke up a year ago. It was entirely mutual, because we were both too busy to dedicate enough time to our relationship. We’d been together for two years and it honestly broke my heart. We were both just as upset and heartbroken as each other, but we knew it had to happen because we just weren’t good partners for each other. He has always felt like my “what could have been”, he was the right person at the wrong time.

About twelve weeks ago, I met up with a friend (I’ll call him Adam) for coffee. Adam mentioned quite off the cuff that he had always liked me and wanted to take me on a date. I agreed, because I really liked him too and decided it would be fun.

After a couple of dates it became clear that the limit of our relationship was lust, and wouldn’t become romantic.

We ended up in a sort of friends with benefits situation and it was all good, until I realised that I’ve missed my period. I’ve done a test and it’s positive, and I think I’m about four weeks.

I’ve told Adam and he has said the ball is entirely in my court. If I want the baby, he will step up and we can coparent. If I don’t, he’ll support that.

I was leaning towards keeping the baby until Leo texted me and said he misses me, he wants to give things another go and he is serious about me. This has really thrown my head into a scramble.

i don’t know what I’m hoping to achieve by posting this and I guess I just need some sort of advice because I don’t know what to do

Because he means a lot to me and I value his opinion as I would my mother, or my best friends (who all support my choices). Leo has said he would support me if I kept the baby, but I really do think there’s a lot I want to do before I have a child. Yes, maybe I should have thought of that before I got drunk but here I am.

So are you together now? You split up, he pops back up saying he's interested again and suddenly his opinion carries so much weight?

Honestly you need to tread carefully with Leo. It sounds like he clicked his fingers and you jumped.

No, we’re not back together but we are talking a lot and planning to go out this weekend.

this is such a personal choice to make I don’t think others opinions matter other than entirely supporting you

did he use the words personal preference or I think you should what did he say because it could be a massive red given what you have intimated about your relationship

We were having a chat about life in general, I listed a ton of countries etc that I want to visit and he basically said if he was in my shoes he’d get an abortion, so that’s his personal preference

The last thing you need is to be going out with your ex boyfriend right now.

One thing at a time.

We get on well. I like spending time with him and don’t need to be punished for what happened by not doing anything fun.

He wants a proper go of things and he is just waiting for you to have that abortion first before you can get cracking.

He’s silently sitting there seeing you torturing yourself about either keeping him or your baby. He says he’ll support your decision no matter what, but I think it’s so grim how he has continued to insert himself in like this rather than backing off to give you space. It wouldn’t surprise me if he insists on coming to the abortion clinic with you to “support” you!

Of course you don't need to be punished. But you need to grow up and make a mature decision, not go running back when an ex comes calling. Sort yourself out before worrying about men.
You're very immature and antagonistic for a hotshot lawyer.

I’m all for pro choice and it being a woman’s decision, but on this occasion I feel a bit sorry for Adam. Where is he in all of this? Why should Leo’s views count and not Adam?

Honestly the fact you’re even Leo’s view makes me think you’re quite immature and definitely not ready for a baby anyway, this whole situation has disaster written all over it whatever the decision.

It isn’t about a punishment at all. It is about the fact that you are about to make a huge life changing decision one which will shape and change your life.

it will be one of, if not the biggest decision of your life and one that needs to be yours and yours alone without any input.

Seriously. One minute you want to keep the baby but don't know about the men. Then you're wanting to travel the world and asking Leo's opinion. I don't think you're ready for a child, and I don't mean that as an insult. You're young.

Single parenting without a decent and stable co parent is really really long hard work. And it's not for effing about worrying about men

I was just commenting on the biological side of things. But I do totally understand the emotional response. And of course, when making a decision about terminating or continuing a pregnancy, emotions play a huge role. I am very much pro-choice, but I've never had an unwanted pregnancy and I don't honestly know what I would do in that situation.

People are using health care that should be available to them. Why does it matter to you if they are "frivolous" - you know this is how women die, when they are ashamed to get the care they need.

Which is why I have said my reasons for considering an abortion but a lot of people seem to think I’m doing it based solely on a man!

😂 😂 😂 😂

So why did you split up and why didn't you get back together before your drunken mistake with a FWB?

If you get back together with Leo will he be happy to raise another man’s child ?

I'm pro choice. This is your choice and it's not anyone else's place to comment on your choice. I wish you well.
With or without Leo you know your own mind and life choices.

Of course he won’t. He’s told her his “personal preference” is that she would have a termination.

(fwiw, I’m 100% pro choice. But not pro choice to suit a man’s feelings).

It doesn’t matter what your reasons or thinking are, and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

You have an unplanned pregnancy with a man who is not your partner, if you don’t want to go ahead with an unplanned pregnancy for whatever reason (s) , don’t.

If you have made your decision go ahead. No need to keep arguing with people.

This sounds sensible, though it shouldn’t be Leo’s opinion that nudges you to this conclusion. I do think it’s the right option though so I wish you the best of luck.

Ridiculous!!!

I think you’re making the right decision. You have plenty of time to have a family and do it when you’re sure that’s what you want. You’ll be fine. Best wishes to you