I’m in a right mess. What the fuck do I do?

[IAmInAPickle]

I am 26, I have a stable job and my own house so that doesn’t have a bearing on the situation I am in.

My ex and I (I’ll call him Leo for the sake of this post) broke up a year ago. It was entirely mutual, because we were both too busy to dedicate enough time to our relationship. We’d been together for two years and it honestly broke my heart. We were both just as upset and heartbroken as each other, but we knew it had to happen because we just weren’t good partners for each other. He has always felt like my “what could have been”, he was the right person at the wrong time.

About twelve weeks ago, I met up with a friend (I’ll call him Adam) for coffee. Adam mentioned quite off the cuff that he had always liked me and wanted to take me on a date. I agreed, because I really liked him too and decided it would be fun.

After a couple of dates it became clear that the limit of our relationship was lust, and wouldn’t become romantic.

We ended up in a sort of friends with benefits situation and it was all good, until I realised that I’ve missed my period. I’ve done a test and it’s positive, and I think I’m about four weeks.

I’ve told Adam and he has said the ball is entirely in my court. If I want the baby, he will step up and we can coparent. If I don’t, he’ll support that.

I was leaning towards keeping the baby until Leo texted me and said he misses me, he wants to give things another go and he is serious about me. This has really thrown my head into a scramble.

i don’t know what I’m hoping to achieve by posting this and I guess I just need some sort of advice because I don’t know what to do

A four week bunch of cells cannot be described as a ‘living thing’ by anyone sensible.

Bit worrying to me that in the space of 24 hours,you've gone from referring to 'the baby' and that 'not once did I say I was considering an abortion' to 'the embryo' and 'not a living thing'.

Huge turnaround in such a short space of time. I'm fully pro-choice btw.

Just hoping you're okay and not trying to please too many people.

Believe me, the last thing I want is for her to have this baby so you give over with your forced birth crap.

My baby was a living thing from the positive test but of course, you do you. See, people can disagree without being rude..

No, biologically it wasn’t.

After careful consideration I've came to the conclusion this thread is made up nonsense and attention seeking.

Time frame of posts for one instance.

Met Leo in a pub round the corner and discussed this very serious topic and Leo the saint is ok with fwb/pregnancy/lets go traveling the globe and fuck my job and your two jobs too 😂.

Utter nonsense 😂

Regardless of what Ops done or not done. This isn't the place to guilt trip a young woman whos at the very start of her career into trying to juggle her job and going it alone with a baby.

Couldn’t agree more.

Emotionally I felt it was. Doesn't matter really does it? He's now 24 and very much a living being.

TBH I think shes was scared to say she was thinking abortion, maybe been scared to say she was thinking abortion out loud. I think she was looking for people to suggest it was a viable option.
At 26 she probably feels stupid getting caught out.

Where am I trying to guilt trip her?. I'm really not. I'm not tying to convince her to have the baby by any stretch

Emotions aren’t biological facts. It makes as much sense to say that a 4-week-old embryo the size of a poppy seed is the same thing as a grown man. Yes, your son is a grown man now. He wasn’t at 4 weeks gestation.

You are full of shite at this point OP.

It's not a conscious thing.

IT VERY MUCH IS A LIVING THING.

JFC

Of course an embryo is a living thing!
It’s not giving city lawyer OP, it’s not giving lawyer of any kind. Though to be fair OP only said she worked ‘in’ city law.

I think you have your answer op. I would not carry on with the pregnancy.

Your not strongly attached to the preganacy.
There are so many threads on how hard blended families are and co-parenting.

Agreed. An embryo at four weeks cannot by any scientific measure be concluded to have any level of consciousness.

However pregnancy occurred and Whatever the circumstances a woman, thank goodness, had the right to choose whether to continue a pregnancy.

No woman should be pressured, guilt tripped, emotionally blackmailed to have a baby.

The behaviour of some posters on this thread is truly shocking.

OP, it sounds as if you have made the best decision for you, at this time.

The right relationship at the right time will fall into place and you can have children planned with a partner.

I think it’s logical to assume that all posters on this thread, in fact all people, either are young or have been young, yes. Hope that answers your question.

Speaking of young, you are 26 OP, not 16. To me 26 is not a very young age at which to have a child (and you yourself do say you could cope, which is great) and it’s probably old enough to remember to take the MAP if that is your chosen fallback. Yes, mistakes happen and it is understandable but then forgetting the MAP is another mistake that ends in having to have a termination. It doesn’t ring true that you forget you had unprotected sex but then remember just too late to take the MAP…drunken blackouts don’t usually suddenly resolve after a few days. You say a termination ‘feels so final, so forever’. Yes. You don’t say. It seems an odd turn of phrase. Hmm.

“StewkeyBlue · Yesterday 23:07

However pregnancy occurred and Whatever the circumstances a woman, thank goodness, had the right to choose whether to continue a pregnancy.
No woman should be pressured, guilt tripped, emotionally blackmailed to have a baby.
The behaviour of some posters on this thread is truly shocking.
OP, it sounds as if you have made the best decision for you, at this time.
The right relationship at the right time will fall into place and you can have children planned with a partner.”

This, with bells on. @IAmInAPickle - i think you have made a very sensible decision.

And can you support it without government support?

Also are you prepared to stay single so as not to get baby involved in messy relationships.

Is it a good way of life for baby to be passed back and forth between separated parents who both have other lifestyles and relationships? Potential half siblings in the future?

What consequences?

Woah, you're sounding a bit pro-life (or forced birth as it actually is)

“Can you support it without government support?”

Oh do bore off.
I hope you never/have never taken a penny from the government and refuse that free bus pass you get/will get.
Don’t want to be a massive hypocrite now, do we?

Why should taxpayers pay for someone else's drunken mistake for a couple of decades to come? Most sensible people take having a child seriously and consider ALL the consequences before going down that road, i.e. whether they can afford a child/another child. Not rely on other taxpayers.

@taxguru This lady has a job and says she can support a baby financially. This is different to so many others out there who don't - in relationships or otherwise.