Confused about money AIBU

[Lyra74]

I've been seeing partner nearly 2 years. Nearly all that time I've known I earn almost double on paper compared to him. Although after tax pension etc it isn't anywhere near double. I have 2 kids at uni and they live with me when home for the holidays. So quite large outgoings at the moment. I have around 11k in savings so doing ok but not rich by any means since my divorce.
My partner is careful with money and worries about it. So as time has gone on I've found myself paying much more than half of things which I didn't mind. And more recently I helped him out with some small renovations to his house, as I'm planning on moving in with him in the spring.
This week I found out he has £225k in savings and investments. Money he inherited when his dad died that he makes around 9% on each year.
I am honestly blown away. I thought he was broke apart from his property. His house is in a nice part of Cheshire but the kitchen is falling to pieces. Feeling a bit silly and not sure if I've been taken for a ride.

DUMP THE CUNT

@Lyra74 Sounds to me like he wanted you to move in to save himself money, a new lodger with benefits. With you contributing to bills wage percentage based he was definitely taking you for a ride. I'm assuming he was only going to include his salary and not his investment earnings.

Going through your post is not normal. My husband of 30 years wouldn't go through my post.

Agree with this. I’ve never opened a partners post or let them open mine. To have someone she’s only known 2 years who they don’t even live with do that is another red flag

OP time tpcut your losses. No matter what he says this won't last. Save your pennies ans enjoy your own life. Hugs.

Is the 225k invested acting as his only pension? He’s still taking the piss expecting you to pay more than half when you don’t share finances, but I’d be more accepting of him not dipping into the capital if it’s his pension.

You say you’re moving in with him and will pay towards mortgage? Are you buying into the house and will jointly own it going forward? If not, you should not be paying off his mortgage. Are you still going to own a property of your own? It’s pretty risky to come off the property ladder and pay someone else’s mortgage.

Urgh this would be the end for me. Learn a lesson about not giving money to a partner outside of a marriage and genuine joint finances. He’s lied and allowed you to pay for things when he’s in a much better position than you, then the cheek to ask you to pay more to bills and mortgage!
ask him for the money back you have paid for his property and explain you feel defrauded by him.

This is a new bf of a few months. No, you share your financial status when you're in a committed, long term relationship and are thinking about buying property together or living together or plan marriage.

Your new bf is already freeloading off you by taking your money and saying he'll pay you back and not doing so. That shows you he's not trustworthy , he doesn't do what he says he will, he's a user by not paying you back so why would you share anything with him or plan to progress the relationship when it's clear you'll be supporting him?

Some guys are pay to play. OP's dude is one, yours is another.

@Lyra74, there are no real benefits to continuing with this guy. He's lied, he's so controlling as to go through your mail, he took your money when you're not in a financial position to be funding renovations, much less on a house you have no legal interest in. Please read @SandStormNorm's post again.

There has been a lot of assuming here and it sounds like you have very different life experiences (Has he ever been in a serious committed living together relationship before?). At least you have found out an important difference in understandings before you joined households. You have options. Slow the moving in process down until you have both discussed what each is hoping for and expecting. Don't do it at all and preserve your financial status as a single person with children, and in future if you continue only pay for what you have. Financial discussions are as important as any other relationship dynamic such as attitudes to children, sex, fidelity, chores, retirement etc etc. If you gambled on some storage costs to learn this I would consider it a small bet to gain a lot of wisdom about what is ahead.

Run yours is his and his is his you dont need this attitude in your life. Unless two people have the same attitude to money...which you dont, clearly .....its doomed to someone being shafted. You're being taken for what he can get. Don't do it. Stay living separate.

Fucking hell, the more you post the worse it gets

Just LTB - he’s sneaky and he lies to you. Both dealbreakers

Why do you allow him to go through your post? These are your private personal matters.

I make that by investing with a trusted financial advisor. Depend how cautious/risky you want to be

@Lyra74 he is just costing you money. You don't need another dependant! Throw him back as there is a better one out there for you.

Typical "rules for thee, not for me" behaviour. Added to the financial stuff, paints a picture of an abuser. I'm particularly concerned about how he has you "trained" - he doesn't even have to ask in human words.

Btw, I don't know his Job Salary is (or yours), but (unless I forgot how to use my calculator), £223k @9% = £20,070 p.a, or £1,673.50/mo. NO WAY you're earning twice what he is.

Taken advantage of seems a bit of a stretch. You know you probably have a similar disposable income but you chose to spend more because he’s really tight with money.

I absolutely wouldn’t have paid for any renovations, and if moving in, I’d be looking at a split based on disposable income, not on actual salary.

He owes you that money back. It’s a matter of principle at this point.

Id ditch this one . So dishonest. Percentage of earnings when he's got a load of cash just sitting there . He's an absolute stinge and user OP. I know 2 years feels like an investment of time and energy but to me he's no respect and lacks integrity.

He really has taken advantage. I wouldn't accept money from someone to renovate my house unless I was desperate, even if they were moving in.

What sort of things have you been paying more than half on? Also regarding the renovations, did you do it because you were planning to move in? He lied about buying a house, that would be a dealbreaker for me. Why would you allow him to go through your post?

Total deal breaker.
The whole point of being committed to someone else is to be open and honest because you’re meant to be a team.
If he’s kept this from you/lied about it he will do the same about other things.

I shared a link?

and I never claimed it was adjusted for inflation. When cash isas pay a rate, that isn’t adjusted for inflation either, so very much apples to oranges if you factor in inflation for one and not the other,

Following to find out what you decide to do, op

I’m sure he does want each of you to contribute a percentage of income if on paper you earn double what he does. Just split everything half and half don’t fall for that. And stop paying for stuff

After this post, that would change things for me. He's one of those CF's who claims they're poor when they have tonnes of money in the bank, they just don't want to spend it.

That's how these people get more and more loaded, by being tight fisted and scrounging off other people!

Even if you do decide to move in with him, it would be a 50/50 split for me or 50/50 of the bills and day to day expenses but don't contribute to the mortgage.

But, for me, him being so duplicitous would be a deal breaker.