Boyfriend has split up with me because

[Thatisthatthen]

I am going on an all girls family holiday this weekend for a long weekend abroad. It’s been planned for months and we have been together for a year.

he has always had trust issues and he has always been insecure. He said this weekend is going to be the end of him and he has been very physically unwell this week in what he thinks is anxiety and stress induced.

He called me this afternoon and said, I’d rather be single with my head held high and walk away letting you carry on with what you are inevitably going to be doing this weekend, or I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me.

i have never been unfaithful to him. He has made mountains out of molehills before over nothing and seems to use these as reasons not to trust but I just need a hand hold. Have been totally blind sided - I even booked us a weekend trip away in the coming weeks last night.

This will only get worse, been there.
Insecure little boy.

Go forth & be free!

??

They have never met him

Fgs

The op has children

he will know of their existence and where they live

Added to which all this must surely be one hell of a distraction for the OP in parenting her children

Good lord what a nightmare he is. He is being totally unreasonable. go on your lovely girls trip and have a great time.

Block his number and do not let him back into your life. You deserve so much better so do not settle for this terrible controlling behaviour and this could lead to some serious problems in future for you.

Sending hugs and looking forward to hearing you've met someone else who treats you like a queen xxx

Absolutely. These insecure jealous wankers take up way too much headspace and that’s how they like it.

They require 100% attention and are jealous of their partners friends, family and DC because they want the world to revolve around them.

Enjoy your trip!

The sadness you feel for the relationship ending is grief for the loss of a fantasy of what could have been. You are not sad because the relationship is over, you are sad because he wasn’t what you hoped him to be.

You are trusting and full of hope - this is not a bad thing, it’s because you are a good person. But it is not your responsibility to fix other people and you’ll get quicker at recognising this type of behaviour.

Enjoy your holiday!

You shouldn’t be sad you’ve broken up with this man. You should never have been with him. He’s abusive.

In fact, he sounds potentially dangerous. I assume he knows where you live? When you return, make sure your home is very secure, let neighbours know and make sure your child is safe. Provide people with photos of him just in case.

If he hadn't split up with you I'd have said dump him. Living with someone like that would be a total nightmare! Bye, bye and good riddance! Enjoy your weekend away!

Hello op. I haven't read all of the thread so it may have been mentioned but please read the Freedom Programme. It is about forms of domestic abuse and you will recognise him as he is ticking every box. Please dont get sucked into answering him . You might not feel it now but you really have had a very lucky escape and that is something to celebrate xx

Trying to reel you back in. He’s dumped you and trying to backtrack (ie he didn’t really dump you, he’s trying to get you to not go.)
what a sad loser.
he’s trying to goad you into replying to his disrepectful accusations. Who cares what he says?
ignore and block.
so sorry he’s put you through this but have a really really great rest of your life.

All good then! just don’t let him crawl back afterwards he’s manipulative controlling and just a bit of an ass hopefully you will meet someone kind who treats you properly now you have the opportunity.

When you get back he is likely to get in touch being nice like he probably was in the beginning. It’s an act and won’t last. Don’t fall for it.

Glad to read you are having therapy, OP.

Believe me - men like this know exactly what they are doing. Take what's just happened as a gift, as a crucial step in your own personal instruction. It's essential that at some point it occurs to you that men like this don't choose their partners by accident. If you've had a history of trauma, or insecurities arising from it which make you vulnerable, or are a people-pleaser who is averse to saying 'no', or whatever other reason they view you as an easy dupe, they can smell it a mile away. It's as if vulnerable women - even if we might not recognise ourselves as vulnerable - are transmitting radio signals only they can receive.

It IS possible to unpick all this and really instruct yourself on what methods and approaches they use. And this is easier than you may think, because it's extraordinary how little their methods vary. Look up the love-bombing cycle, DARVO, gaslighting (in its real meaning, not the diluted, inaccurate versions we often read people talking about online). I suspect you'll be surprised at how many pennies drop. Also Lundy Bancroft's book 'Why does he do that?' is a real eye-opener and nothing short of a survival manual.

The good news is that once you've seen this picture fully for what it is, the same works in reverse. It will be you who sees them coming a mile away, because once you've seen it, you don't unsee.

Please - read up about these cycles and if he comes crawling back don't waver.

Ask me how I know.

Hope you're having an amazing weekend away. Please don't let him worm his way back.

Going back to your original post - if that's the sum total of what he said to you, it seems he didn't actually dump you. What he did was threaten - THREATEN - you with that outcome, anticipating you'd then do what he wanted and cancel the trip. Job done.

But you didn't do that 👏👏👏 - It has not turned out as he intended and anticipated it would. 🤯

This has taken the power out of his hands, and his reaction is a panic scatter gun 'this does not compute' hurl of insults, accusations, more threats.

You took the power away from him.

Please say you'll keep it and not hand it back in the face of further try-anything tactics to wrestle back control.

These may include

Mr Nice love bombing tears, promises, empty 'I'll-do-better' apologies, romantic gestures like flowers etc.

More Mr Nasty threats, insults and accusations.

Mr Sneaky going behind your back to anyone he can contact, with 'I'm sooooooo worried about her, she's having a breakdown, she's crazy' bla bla bla (your Facebook friends list may get targeted there).

Are you on your way / there yet?

I imagine the OP will spend this holiday tapping away on her phone sending messages back and forth with this creature, there will be an emotional reunion at the airport and all back on.

And so the drama will stagger on. And on. And on.

Why do you imagine that when she has repeatedly said she’s done with him.
Is it passive aggressive goading on your behalf?

No

It is being on mumsnet for many years

So have I. Being on mumsnet is no measure of knowledge.

You have no idea what occurs after a post has been and gone. It's not like you get an update.
What do you mean?

"I imagine the OP will spend this holiday tapping away on her phone..."

Yes, you imagine. That's the point.
The OP has clearly stated otherwise.

I agree. You are worth more than this nonsense. His issues do not have to be your's any longer. Enjoy the peace.

Enjoy your trip- you’ve done the right thing, this man is unhinged and a danger to you. Hope you have a fantastic time.

Dear OP, I do hope you are having a wonderful time and that you find being in the company of women who love you to be healing and heart-lightening.

When you get back, be prepared for him to love bomb and try and wheedle his way back in. All you need is this phrase:

”No. You have shown me who you are.”

Then block him. And have a lovely life.

What a strange thing to say when the op has specifically said otherwise. Perhaps you own a crystal ball?