Boyfriend has split up with me because

[Thatisthatthen]

I am going on an all girls family holiday this weekend for a long weekend abroad. It’s been planned for months and we have been together for a year.

he has always had trust issues and he has always been insecure. He said this weekend is going to be the end of him and he has been very physically unwell this week in what he thinks is anxiety and stress induced.

He called me this afternoon and said, I’d rather be single with my head held high and walk away letting you carry on with what you are inevitably going to be doing this weekend, or I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me.

i have never been unfaithful to him. He has made mountains out of molehills before over nothing and seems to use these as reasons not to trust but I just need a hand hold. Have been totally blind sided - I even booked us a weekend trip away in the coming weeks last night.

you're right. Hysteria is a terrible word that has all kinds of awful implications. I apologise.

However, I still think this doesn't need an extreme response. OP has ended it. She's logged with 101. I HOPE she's prepare for the next step in his campaign which I do think will come. I'm less concerned about him getting violent than I am about him hounding and stalking her and taking up a great deal of her mental and emotional bandwidth.

Good you've reported it. As comment up thread, Claire's Law won't apply now you've broken up but if the Police run the correct checks they can see if your now ExP has form, has previous. Police will have given you the steps to take - once you've said "do not contact me again" make no more engagement with him. If you comment further he can appeal that you are having a conversation, your "do not contact" doesn't apply.

Blocking him won't allow you to see if he does escalate, or if he starts pleading, offering to come over to return stuff or whatever. Ignore it, but if you can be strong, check his comments (screenshot) and add to the Police report (they will have given you a reference number in case he does).

This sort of thread comes up every few weeks on Mumsnet - I think there should be a bullet point sheet to show the steps to take.

She’s not his partner any more. No need for a Clare’s Law.

These men enjoy abusing women. He'll certainly be out and about soon enough looking for the next victim.

Yes, the police. That fountain of knowledge when it comes to abusive men.

Well done OP. 💪👏😊

This thread has also served as a gloriously unintended proxy for OPs Ex to continue to screw with her mind and keep her distracted.

It's nearly the holiday and his aim to spoil it has been well and truly cemented. It's taken days for her to take action. She keeps hanging on for a bit longer instead of ignoring or blocking the calls and texts like she should have.

She immersed herself in this drama with strangers online and I don't think for a moment that she will break contact with this man. Read a recent post where she's now worried he might have harmed himself. Forgetting that he's hoping she dies a horrible death.

I'm out.

Me too

The tragedy is children are involved

This!!!!!!!

Eurgh I had one of these too, I recall one specific night when I was out with friends in a bar which had no signal.

The absolute barrage of messages I had when I came out - slowly escalating from 'are you having a good night' then 'so you've pulled then' and 'hope he's worth it' and more literally over the course of 2-3 hours.

I still stayed, and then there was a week where he went on a lads holiday, and turned out he'd slept with 3 women on that holiday. Then got angry with me for not being the paranoid mess he was - telling me that my lack of 'worry' showed I din't love or care about him and he couldn't believe how blase I was about him going away.

The projection was madness. I'm glad you've managed to come out of this @Thatisthatthen and I hope you have the most amazing time away, tell them all about it on day 1 - and then tell then you don't wish to discuss further but may need some moments, you're allowed to grieve what you thought the relationship could have been, you're allowed to miss the company - it's not him specifically that you're missing.

@Thatmoves there are no children invovled.

The op has children

there are children involved

❤️

This is him without his Mr nice 'lemon sponge cake mask'. Say 'thank you' to your flu because it made you dodge a missile.

Mr very fragile ego has some serious issues.

I didn’t see the other thread,

But OP - you should not be concerning yourself with him at all. Whether or not he hurts himself is not your concern, period. He is a dangerous person and you are a mother. You have children to consider. And the only way to ensure your safety and that of your children is to completely disentangle yourself and move on.

Suicidal threats made by abusive men are usually a manipulation tactic and not real.

Well done for reporting @Thatisthatthen .

Hope you have a lovely break with your mates

This is a lucky escape. Please block him!!

OP has told us the controlling ExBF has never met them.

She has but if this abuser harms OP it could have serious consequences for her children.

But he will know of their existence and where they live.

Im surprised that over the course of the past year he hasn’t demanded he met them

Why are you speaking to him about anything, though? If you show any willingness to engage, he's not going to leave you alone. If the abuse doesn't get him anywhere, eventually it'll probably be an attempt at love-bombing. Just stop replying.

@Elsvieta That's not him, that's her XH.

No one is twisting your words. "ExDP" was confusing as previously the he you were writing about was your boyfriend. I get it now, but if you'd said DC's father it would've been much clearer. Please don't jump on people who don't understand because of the way you've written it.

She called him boyfriend, never partner and definitely not D anything!

Funnily enough, I said that she called him her boyfriend.