I only just noticed you have children.
However old they are, the consequences of inflicting a man like him on them must surely be your key reason for walking away.
This is for you and anyone else going through this kind of shit:
Imagine your daughter comes to you and says …
“Mum, I've been seeing this man for a year. He has always had trust issues and he has always been insecure.
He said my weekend away with the girls is going to be the end of him.
He called me this afternoon and said, I’d rather be single with my head held high and walk away letting you carry on with what you are inevitably going to be doing this weekend, or I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me.
I have never been unfaithful to him. He has made mountains out of molehills before over nothing and seems to use these as reasons not to trust.
He’s saying how disrespectful I’ve been over the last year (not true) and that I lied to him about how many of us are going so what else am I lying about.. again not true.
And yes he usually does not like me seeing friends
I honestly don’t know if this is a ploy to get me to cancel, or to just break me and make me grovel, beg and ruin my weekend.
He said, he would be happier never speaking to me again as he will never then know what I have been up to, yet he loves me so much, too much which is why his life is in a mess.
He’s making out that I’ve been sleeping with men left right centre and totally disrespecting him the last 12 months which is far from the truth.
Well he is getting very angry now and has said he did not actually break up with me but it’s clearly what I want (he did) and he just called me a skank and a dirty whore, saying I am hideous, accusing me of having another man here already!!
He has escalated ... lots of anger and name calling over the phone (some texts too).
It’s not the first time he has called me these things so I’m not shocked but I am fed up with it.
I must work with my therapist to understand why my bar is in the gutter.
He has told me he does not love me he cannot love someone who lies and manipulates, he hopes I catch aids and he hopes I die, he wishes me a very painful death.
I have woken up feeling sick, also worried he has done something stupid as yes he said he was on “suicide watch”.
If this were your own daughter telling you all this, you would be clear eyed and enraged at what he was doing to your vulnerable girl, already damaged by one insulting arsehole to the point of needing therapy.
You'd know he was paranoid, suspicious, mysogynistic and abusive.
You'd know he was pushing buttons and pulling strings to control her - stop her seeing friends, enraged that she had the nerve to want to have a holiday with you and your family, hurling accusations and foul insults, threatening to harm himself if she didn't step into line. All the abuser’s tactics chucked out one after another.
You'd support her to report it to the police and do everything to prevent him having access to her.
You'd ensure the family knew what she was going through and would be there for her.
You deserve the same wisdom and kindness from yourself.
Well done for seeing it and for using your rage to stand up to your previous abusive ex. Therapy and seeking others' advice seems to be having a great effect. All best for your report outcomes.