Boyfriend has split up with me because

[Thatisthatthen]

I am going on an all girls family holiday this weekend for a long weekend abroad. It’s been planned for months and we have been together for a year.

he has always had trust issues and he has always been insecure. He said this weekend is going to be the end of him and he has been very physically unwell this week in what he thinks is anxiety and stress induced.

He called me this afternoon and said, I’d rather be single with my head held high and walk away letting you carry on with what you are inevitably going to be doing this weekend, or I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me.

i have never been unfaithful to him. He has made mountains out of molehills before over nothing and seems to use these as reasons not to trust but I just need a hand hold. Have been totally blind sided - I even booked us a weekend trip away in the coming weeks last night.

This is most likely his angle, he stops messaging you now, in the hope you will check in on him.

You without a doubt need to report this now OP. This morning, before you go away.

Not sure if anyone else has seen this in TikTok, but a woman walked in on her partner with the OW, he was caught out red handed. What she filmed was his reaction in the bathroom after being caught. Having a (fake) panic attack, laying on the floor saying he can't breathe and screaming and crying. This came to mind when I read your posts, as to the level some will go to when things don't go their way. An absolute showdown to get sympathy.

The time has come to block him now. Screenshot or email those messages to yourself (you can do this on WhatsApp) as otherwise he is going to harrass you on your weekend.

Have a good trip away. This is needed now more than ever.

Please follow all the good advise on here about reporting him, making sure you are safe, and BLOCKING HIM. He is a total lunatic and potentially dangerous. By not blocking him, you are choosing the drama to continue in your life. Are you choosing you, or are you choosing drama?

I would report him to the Police and do a Clare's Law request. He sounds unhinged.

Prioritise yourself and your own safety OP. I agree that he is playing mind games just to stop you from going away. If he hurts himself that is NOT on you. He's said some absolutely vile nasty things to you so id keep well away. Call in some support if you dont feel safe but dont engage with him anymore.

Fuck sake. What a prick.

Now you see the level of control he expects to have over you and what happens when you don't comply.
I hope you are serious when you say you won't be entertaining this dangerous, twisted man ever again.

Sorry this has happened to you. Get it all out on your weekend away, be around those who are safe. Enjoy yourself. xx

Of course he isn’t going to kill himself, it’s all to manipulate you into doing as you are told.

Why on earth have you not blocked him yet?! Stop answering the phone to him and reading his messages.

There are men out there who absolutely fucking hate women - he is one of them. Remove yourself entirely from his hatred.

As a dad reading this thread I'm horrified. My initial instinct would be to go round and scare your ex into watching what comes out of his mouth, but that's just more aggression. I do think it's indicative of a lack of parenting though. We need to teach our boys how to manage their anger and jealousy, before they become dangerous fully grown men. This guy has not had good male role models, or they've not impacted on him. I'd be gutted if my son behaved like this.

If he says he is on 'suicide watch' this is not your call to make if he is talking shit. (Which he is). I think you need to go to the police now with all the evidence and let them do a welfare check. After all, you cannot judge if he is serious or not, and he needs to be pulled up on it if he is talking crap to frighten and threaten you. Sometimes they have a word with the dickhead over the threats. The police are in a better position to make a judgment call anyway.

Also- as someone who used to work in family law- I dont' agree you should block him. What you are doing currently is gathering evidence for a pretty stonking non-molestation order. This is ALL down to his behaviour, none of it is yours. But for people who play this game the only thing you can do is ignore, but quietly gather evidence. Don't reply. Just record everything.

Do you have a trusted friend or family member who can check on your house while you are away?

Can you at least mute or archive his number so you'd still have the evidence should he escalate but don't have it pinging up on your phone? He sounds quite unhinged and would definitely be letting the police know about his behaviour before you go away.

Is there someone you're away with who will know whats going on? Just so you don't feel like you have to just hide it all from everyone.

Have you never confided in any of the dozen family women members you’re close enough to holiday with op? Have not one of them ever said WTF @Thatisthatthen , that man is off his rocker?

'suicide watch', what a joke. My ex used to threaten similar, been divorced three years now and I'm still waiting for him to do it!

It's so scary when you're in the situation OP, reach out to friends and family, or women's aid will also be really supportive. One day when it's all over with and you have a bit of distance from it, you'll be able to see it for what it is - an overgrown toddler throwing a tantrum because he's not getting his way and doing anything he can to get what he wants.

l’d really advise blocking him before the holiday, and possibly even leaving your mobile phone turned off for the duration (you can give anyone who would know about an emergency - for example work - another friend’s number). Say you’re having a digital detox or something. I say this as someone who was in an abusive relationship. He will do everything he can to ruin the holiday for you now you are going. Up to and including buying a burner phone and pretending to be someone else contacting you because of a “suicide attempt”

Lucky escape, this man is batshit!!

He is a dangerous person.

I would get a full std test too.

Put up security cameras.

Report his abusive texts to the police so they have a record.

Stay safe.

This girls holiday may have been the best thing to have happened to you. It’s been a catalyst to this person showing their psychotic nature.

Block him otherwise he will try and ruin your holiday.

If the op hasn’t blocked by now, she never will

I admit I have no experience of family law, and agree with you that the more evidence OP has of his behaviour, the better.

But it seems that OP felt she had to reply to him, and only seemingly dropped contact at this last take care message. It is quite difficult when in a situation when accusations are being hurled at you, to stay silent. I think it quite natural to try to defend oneself. I think as OP seemed to be replying to him, this is why people are advising her to block him. To encourage her to stop being able to responding to all his batshitness.

BECAUSE he's a lunatic and potentially dangerous, blocking him now might not be the best plan. What if he wants to make her think he's accepted it, and actually he's planning something violent? He might change again, and send a threat of something. If someone was threatening you, wouldn't you rather know so you could protect yourself? He's creating "drama", not the OP - she still needs to tread carefully.

You’ve dodged a bullet there! It’s distressing when someone starts threatening suicide over you daring to not do what they tell you, but it’s an abusive control tactic, he won’t do it. I don’t think you’ve heard the last of him though. There’ll be more messages and an attempt at getting you back I’m sure, he’ll kindly offer to forgive you after you get back from the holiday. Just keep blanking him, but make sure you keep all the messages in case you need evidence if he ramps things up. Do you have a ring doorbell? If not I’d get one installed asap. I’d fully expect him to come to your house at some point.

Yeah, who's he being watched BY exactly, unless he's reported himself as being suicidal? And where? He's not even any good at the whole "suicide threat as manipulation" technique.

Please make sure you save or screenshot all of these messages OP in case it escalates, and don’t be afraid to share it with your family. The man is clearly an absolute psychopath, if he shows up in person call the police

@Thatisthatthen I think when you report this to the police, ask them whether they think you should block him.

If they say not to, then leave your phone at home this weekend. You will be with family and important to you people will know how to get hold of you if they need to.

Thanks for replying, it gives us some hope. He is absolute scum. No job, deals drugs and uses her for the money she earns. She’s nearly 20 and he’s never been anywhere with her, not even McDonalds. He has to go everywhere with his mates who he dosses with. Half his family are in prison. Our DD is wonderful, clever and comes from a loving family. Her relationship with us and her sibling has always been good & close but we hardly see her. She’s so scared to leave him to do anything with us as he punishes her for doing so. I’ve spoken to the police to log it. We just tell her we love her and she says she loves us so much but can’t leave. Praying that eventually she’ll have had enough. Thank you so much for replying, it’s always helpful to hear from someone who’s been through it.

Suicide watch by who? Im a RMN you cant just rock up at hospital and have someone sit with you for 24hrs a day
lots of people have given you advice, (including me in a previous post) why you haven't reported all this to the police is worrying.