Boyfriend has split up with me because

[Thatisthatthen]

I am going on an all girls family holiday this weekend for a long weekend abroad. It’s been planned for months and we have been together for a year.

he has always had trust issues and he has always been insecure. He said this weekend is going to be the end of him and he has been very physically unwell this week in what he thinks is anxiety and stress induced.

He called me this afternoon and said, I’d rather be single with my head held high and walk away letting you carry on with what you are inevitably going to be doing this weekend, or I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me.

i have never been unfaithful to him. He has made mountains out of molehills before over nothing and seems to use these as reasons not to trust but I just need a hand hold. Have been totally blind sided - I even booked us a weekend trip away in the coming weeks last night.

Typical abuse playbook. My horribly abusive ex tried the suicide line. It’s bullshit and part of the control tactic.
I didn’t block my ex for ages as it helped empower me. I didn’t reply to his shit and got evidence should I need it. I blocked him later. He moved on to his next supply pretty quickly anyway.
Have a great time away OP, even better now you are free of this vile creep.

Fuck me OP! This guy is unhinged and seriously needs some help for his mental health.

Personally I'd not block him on my phone (as much as i would want to) as I'd want to get as much evidence as possible for a non-molestation order.

You've had great advice from PPs...get it registered with your local police and do a Clare's Law application. Get cameras up at home and see if a friend would pop in to check your house while you're away.

Difficult, but try and enjoy your family break.

He sounds utterly vile and reading your last post, has shown his true colours. A lucky escape for you, thank goodness.

You aren't responsible for him, nor are you responsible if he does attempt to harm himself. Block him and move on with your life and have a very happy time away this weekend

Morning OP ..
She won’t stay ..
I know it must be such a worry , she is only 19 , she will leave , I don’t know when but she will ..
She has a loving family & you say she is smart , so she sees how it is supposed to be as in her family, her family home , instead she is living this life ..
My girl bf may came from wealth but also grew up in a home where both parents drank a lot & were violent towards one another ..
My girl on the other hand came from a home , not wealthy , but we’re fine , I work a normal work week , just me & the kids since they were small enough , always very happy in our house though ☺️..
You can only be there for her OP ..
I know it’s shit 😞 but don’t lose hope ..
Show your girl my posts
X x

Wow you have dodged a massive bullet! He is awful and you deserve so much better.

Thank goodness you saw his true colours before wasting any more time on him.

Him going quiet is just another tactic since guilting you and then threatening you didn’t work.

FWIW most people who threaten suicide don’t actually go through with it.
If you read the news about people committing suicide, it is very rare that they tell someone beforehand.

But I would always ring the police and/or a family member.

He's upgraded to talking about suicide because it's so close to your trip, it's the last chance to make you stay. Think about it @Thatisthatthen , how can he say he doesn't love you, hopes you die and yet be so upset he'll kill himself, it's just controlling nonsense. Leave your phone behind, don't let him spoil your trip but call the police as soon as you get back.

Ignore the suicide threats, that's just manipulation.

Oh no I hope you read this back and see that this is a massive response by him to control you ? Enjoy your weekend, please don’t give him this power , it will not be an equal relationship. If you stay he will ‘be unwell’ for more and more instances and how you conduct your life going forward will be whatever he finds acceptable, take care enjoy your weekend , get out now x

How many of these twats actually follow through on these suicide threats? I can't imagine them being kind enough to spare the women they abuse from future misery.

@Thatisthatthen attagirl! He doesn’t deserve you(or anyone else, have a great time on your trip x

This. Always gets rolled out in these situations but is never acted on. Those at actual risk of suicide don't go round saying they're going to do it.

It's not our place to say that those who threaten suicide don't do it.

Some do, some don't, some are using it as a manipulative button-pushing threat - and some are actively dangerous to their victim because 'if I can't have her, nobody can' is a common mindset among these men.

This article sets it out

https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/what-to-do-if-an-abuser-threatens-suicide

Be careful that he may turn up at your holiday destination, does he know where you are going ?

Ensure that you keep together with your friends & Family

They’ve normally been fairly normal and nice so you’re invested. Also, in my case, I had a really bad relationship with my dad growing up and thought the behaviour was normal.

I'm so sorry he has treated you like this. Everything has already been said and you've been given some great advice. As someone who works in domestic abuse and has worked with perpetrators, these are classic abuse tactics. He will not change.
You've handled this really well and it's OK to feel sad, angry, hurt and everything in between. He is the only one responsible for his behaviour and you deserve so much better.
Go have a great time with your friends.

I was talking about exactly this with DH this morning. We have an arsehole neighbour. He is in his 80s. He is disruptive, nasty, aggressive and starts fights and conflicts. All our neighbours detest him - except one. She is roughly the same age and trots after him and placates him like a little dog. Thing is, she was in an abusive marriage for some 50 years before her husband finally died. DH was saying he can't understand why an intelligent woman is so taken in by dickhead neighbour. I said that this is her groove. She spent years placating an abusive arsehole and her comfort zone is placating the next abusive arsehole in her orbit.

Just to echo the others, I doubt that you have heard the last of him, OP. Just be vigilant. He is a nasty piece of work, in common with a fair amount of men. And no, the jerk won't kill himself.

I can honestly 110% say I will not put up with any abusive or red flag behaviour again. Not that I intend on meeting anyone but I mean in the far far future!

ExDP called me dumb yesterday via text because I did not understand something (he later apologised but it’s not the point) and I immediately said to him, excuse me? Don’t you dare call me dumb. I will no longer be engaging with you and I will speak with you RE ‘said subject’ once I return from my trip.

No man will ever be able to pull the wool over my eyes again. This has been a serious wake up call!

P

I'd stop responding to him OP.

You are just giving him the attention he craves, He is demanding your attention and you are giving it to him. It's another form of controlling you.

His "Take care" message sounds potentially sinister to me, OP, and I don't think you should underestimate what someone like this can cook up in their twisted little half-brains. PPs have had some good advice on protecting yourself, please take it seriously.

Let's hope he does kill himself, but I doubt it.

Agree 100% - every time you give him a reaction, you’re playing into his sick twisted game and he’s still in your headspace.

He wants to ruin your holiday by getting in your head - block him and stop prolonging his abuse.

He really sounds unhinged and you are vulnerable OP, whether you realise it or not.

You have children, yet you hesitate to involve the police when you, their mother, potentially need protection from abusive unhinged scum.

If you were thinking straight, you would be furious and appalled at his actions and immediately seek police advice, lest he would dare to approach you, your home, or your children.

This is a very bad man.
The police are there to protect the public from such behaviour.
Tell everyone.
Screenshot those messages.
Show them to the police.
Hand this over to them, and his suicide threats.
This is not for you to suffer in silence.

This is all on him.
Hand it over to the police.

Have you made your report to the police yet? The quicker you get it done, the quicker you will be on top of this situation, instead of coping with it.

Every time you respond to him in any way you are rewarding his behaviour with attention. Blocking him really is the best thing to do.

I have stopped responding to him - sorry exDP is DCs father just to be clear.