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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend has split up with me because

841 replies

Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 17:23

I am going on an all girls family holiday this weekend for a long weekend abroad. It’s been planned for months and we have been together for a year.

he has always had trust issues and he has always been insecure. He said this weekend is going to be the end of him and he has been very physically unwell this week in what he thinks is anxiety and stress induced.

He called me this afternoon and said, I’d rather be single with my head held high and walk away letting you carry on with what you are inevitably going to be doing this weekend, or I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me.

i have never been unfaithful to him. He has made mountains out of molehills before over nothing and seems to use these as reasons not to trust but I just need a hand hold. Have been totally blind sided - I even booked us a weekend trip away in the coming weeks last night.

OP posts:
HRchatter · 08/10/2025 17:52

I would be absolutely ashamed if that was my son in fact I would do something about it if that was my son. It’s not normal behaviour

CC222 · 08/10/2025 17:53

Good riddance to the controlling manipulative jealous dickhead!! Go enjoy your trip and please don’t ever look back…

godmum56 · 08/10/2025 17:53

Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 17:32

Thank you everyone I really need to hear this. He just sent me a long text about how disrespectful I’ve been over the last year (not true) and that I lied to him about how many of us are going so what else am I lying about.. again not true.

need to keep the momentum of positivity up. And yes he usually does not like me seeing friends

my goodness you dodged a bullet

LoudSnoringDog · 08/10/2025 17:55

He’s pathetic and done you a huge favour

DiscoBob · 08/10/2025 17:56

What a prick. It's definitely for the best you never speak to him again. Have a great holiday.

theswordinthestone · 08/10/2025 17:56

The only thing that should have come out of his mouth if he was a normal human would have been, "have a nice time" and perhaps, if you are still in the heady days of first romance, "I will miss you, and can't wait to catch up when you are back."

What an absolute arse. He has shown you his true colours. Good riddance.

Have a nice time away with your friends.

NimbleDreamer · 08/10/2025 17:57

You're best rid of him. He's not worth the hassle.

Hope you have a lovely holiday.

Toomanyweekstogo · 08/10/2025 17:57

Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 17:23

I am going on an all girls family holiday this weekend for a long weekend abroad. It’s been planned for months and we have been together for a year.

he has always had trust issues and he has always been insecure. He said this weekend is going to be the end of him and he has been very physically unwell this week in what he thinks is anxiety and stress induced.

He called me this afternoon and said, I’d rather be single with my head held high and walk away letting you carry on with what you are inevitably going to be doing this weekend, or I could stay with you never knowing the truth knowing you have lied to me.

i have never been unfaithful to him. He has made mountains out of molehills before over nothing and seems to use these as reasons not to trust but I just need a hand hold. Have been totally blind sided - I even booked us a weekend trip away in the coming weeks last night.

I think you’re best off out of it!

Needaglowup · 08/10/2025 17:57

Be thankful he’s shown who he is now , you really have dodged a bullet , do a merry dance as you walk away …. And don’t go back , he would just get worse

Peoniesandcats · 08/10/2025 17:58

Don’t let him ruin your holiday, it sounds like that’s what he’s trying to do! Hope you have the best time with the girls - sounds like it’s needed.

BatchCookBabe · 08/10/2025 17:59

The trash took itself out. You're better off without him @Thatisthatthen

Blahdiblahblahr · 08/10/2025 17:59

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

ContraversialDo · 08/10/2025 17:59

He is trying to make you cancel your trip. Ignore him and have the best time with your family and friends.

I would seriously consider blocking him because I expect he will hound the life out of you with calls and texts while you are away.

Linenpickle · 08/10/2025 18:00

What a twat. Good riddance!

menopausalfart · 08/10/2025 18:00

Jesus. Please, never go back to him. He needs help before entering another relationship.

SirChenjins · 08/10/2025 18:01

That's the best start to your holiday that you could have ever had! Crack open the fizz, block him, and get on with making yourself look and feel fabulous for an amazing holiday. Chin chin!

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 08/10/2025 18:01

I'm another one who votes for the thumbs up - showing you've read his message. Then block, and have a fabulous time. How DARE he think he has the right to tell you where you can go and with whom, and to use the 'you might cheat' excuse! I am so angry on your behalf!

XWKD · 08/10/2025 18:01

Oh how I would love to have your phone to respond to him! 🤣

SprayWhiteDung · 08/10/2025 18:02

He must have a spectacularly high opinion of himself and how much of a catch he is.

He'd be much better suited to a similarly-needy puppy than another human being.

Sheridanbucket · 08/10/2025 18:02

Thatisthatthen · 08/10/2025 17:32

Thank you everyone I really need to hear this. He just sent me a long text about how disrespectful I’ve been over the last year (not true) and that I lied to him about how many of us are going so what else am I lying about.. again not true.

need to keep the momentum of positivity up. And yes he usually does not like me seeing friends

Because he knows he is being entirely unreasonable, and doesn’t have a leg to stand on, he’s using two psychological tricks 1.bringing up the past (his version of it - rewritten) and 2. Trying to get you to respond to him by referring to a single detail re: the trip. He knows you might take the bait and reply.
He hopes to trip you up in this way and wear you down till you don’t go on the trip. He will never be a better person. Go on the trip and block him.

MrsNadjaCravensworth · 08/10/2025 18:03

Bullet dodged OP, don't reply and definitely don't cancel your weekend. PPs are correct, he is trying to control and manipulate you.

I had a bf 30 years ago who said that he 'knew' I'd been unfaithful to him when I went to my home town for Christmas and New Year, but that he forgave me. I had never been unfaithful and was so upset. I spent time trying to convince him, show him how much I loved him, etc. Of course it was all bullshit, just him wanting to control and have the upper hand.

I really wish that Mumsnet had been around back then so I could have sought advice from a community of women, especially older ones who had been through the same crap previously.

You are worth more than this pathetic little man.

Iloveacurry · 08/10/2025 18:05

Lucky escape op. What a pathetic man-child he is. Don’t even bother responding to him.

outerspacepotato · 08/10/2025 18:07

He was super controlling and trying to isolate you from friends and family.

Enjoy your holiday with having to pander to his insecurity and control issues any more. He chose his course, he thinks you'll beg him to come back, but take him at his word and block him on all your SM and phone.

38woman · 08/10/2025 18:07

I had a boyfriend who almost word for word said things like that. It never gets better. Ever. Forget him and have a wonderful trip. He left me in the end - he did me a massive favour doing this xx

coxesorangepippin · 08/10/2025 18:07

Fair enough then eh