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Original poster

Women who are divorced… what was your final straw?

174 replies

ToughTimes88 · 07/10/2025 23:14

As the title says really?

Previous poster but name change for obvious reasons

OP posts:
Original poster
ToughTimes88 · 07/10/2025 23:16

I say divorced but also any long term relationship breakdown experience would also be appreciated x

OP posts:
YellowGuido · 07/10/2025 23:33

I realised just how little he considered me in his plans day to day that I couldn’t even risk booking ahead for a surprise meal out / event activity ahead for a special occasion as he would invariably have something in the diary for the same or following day which he hadn’t mentioned…

TheBakeOffCakeMissingRaspberry · 07/10/2025 23:40

When he smiled at me it no longer reached his eyes.

MyIvyGrows · 07/10/2025 23:44

He said “I don’t like you” to me in front of our children

MerelyPlaying · 07/10/2025 23:48

When he said 'if you lost weight all our problems would be solved' 😂

(Just how my losing weight would 'solve' the fact that he'd been shagging someone else for six months was never explained.)

Yabayabadoo · 07/10/2025 23:54

A work affair that he continually gaslit me with. Tried to forgive when he eventually admitted it , might have stood a chance if he had looked for another job but he refused. He also put zero effort in , the arguing was affecting my DC so eventually kicked him out. He is with the OW but I am long over it

Missy09 · 08/10/2025 00:13

ToughTimes88 · 07/10/2025 23:16

I say divorced but also any long term relationship breakdown experience would also be appreciated x

He kept leaving every 6-7 months and we had 2 kids together he did this when my daughter was newborn till 1 around 1 years but we had another baby and the age gap is 1 3 days so had a 1 year and newborn and he kept leaving every few month seeing kids then would get back together I saw my mum keep leaving my dad for my step dad so I said that is it no more cos my daughter will grow up to think it’s ok for a man to come in and out when they please hello no so I filed for divorce I didn’t want to give up but for my daughter happily she ain’t seeing that xxx

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 08/10/2025 00:33

I've so many things I would consider a final straw now looking back, but the apparent final straw was being choked!

Really, if I could turn back time I'd have ended it years and years ago, when he insisted on his jobs and my jobs, but his jobs never got done and I was expected to be sympathetic because "depression", but when my jobs didn't get done because I was burnt out I obviously had to step my game up because living in squalor was making his depression worse so if I loved him, I'd remember to do all these things.

In fact, scratch that, I'd go back even further in time, and my last straw should have been working overtime while he takes time off to recuperate, meanwhile he was ordering dominos 5 times a week, getting us more in debt, because he was too "depressed" to cook from the food I'd bought on a budget to tide us over while I worked us out of our overdrafts.

In fact, scratch THAT, my final straw should have been not falling for his nice facade of him not being like his family who are violent, sexist, mysoginistic wastes of space. You are the company you keep, and in his case both nature and nurture were against him.

Missy09 · 08/10/2025 00:36

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 08/10/2025 00:33

I've so many things I would consider a final straw now looking back, but the apparent final straw was being choked!

Really, if I could turn back time I'd have ended it years and years ago, when he insisted on his jobs and my jobs, but his jobs never got done and I was expected to be sympathetic because "depression", but when my jobs didn't get done because I was burnt out I obviously had to step my game up because living in squalor was making his depression worse so if I loved him, I'd remember to do all these things.

In fact, scratch that, I'd go back even further in time, and my last straw should have been working overtime while he takes time off to recuperate, meanwhile he was ordering dominos 5 times a week, getting us more in debt, because he was too "depressed" to cook from the food I'd bought on a budget to tide us over while I worked us out of our overdrafts.

In fact, scratch THAT, my final straw should have been not falling for his nice facade of him not being like his family who are violent, sexist, mysoginistic wastes of space. You are the company you keep, and in his case both nature and nurture were against him.

My first partner used to beat me use all money for drugs last time he beat me I ran with our 5 month old to my mums followed hospital said one more punch I be gone that was my first relationship

washinwashoutrepeat · 08/10/2025 00:46

Hé didn’t consider me at all in any financial or family decisions. Apparently he was trying to protect me from stress but instead he made decisions for me, without me: and they were all bad decisions.

When it all came to light, I was expected to not talk about it, swallow everything and move on. Which I did try to do, for three years. Until I just couldn’t, any more.

ARichtGoodDram · 08/10/2025 01:01

My ex, twenty plus years on, still tells people I ended our long term relationship because he put the ketchup in the fridge. Technically he is correct.

However, we were rekindling our relationship for the fourth time. He had walked out when our twins were 6 months old and said family life wasn't for him. We were on and off a bit, I forgave him because twins were hard work. he joined the military and was very unimpressed that I didn't instantly look forward to upping sticks to wherever he was going to be.

He used to not call when he said he would. He'd be late to pick up the girls when he'd said he would, meaning I had to leave work during overtime id picked up specifically because he was free to have the girls. He didn't pay the maintenance he was supposed to (we weren't living together as he was on camp and I was still in my flat I'd moved to when he bailed out). It was just a relentless cycle of him being a disrespectful and unhelpful prick.

I got home from work at 11pm, having taken an extra shift when he was having the girls because I needed the money. I'd bought a bag of chips on the way home and I went into my kitchen and discovered that the third bottle of ketchup I'd bought was also in the fridge. I hate cold ketchup. He knew that. He'd already put the first two in the fridge on previous visits and claimed it was accidental. With the third one I realised that he just did not give one single fuck to my wishes, not even when he was meant to be trying desperately hard, and not even in my own home.

That was the end of us.

Crushed23 · 08/10/2025 01:20

Not a marriage but a longterm relationship.

When I realised I didn’t fancy him one bit and I could no longer keep having sex with him to keep the peace, and how much doing so for years had destroyed my sense of self. I was literally raping myself with his d*ck and it had to stop.

Missy09 · 08/10/2025 01:21

Crushed23 · 08/10/2025 01:20

Not a marriage but a longterm relationship.

When I realised I didn’t fancy him one bit and I could no longer keep having sex with him to keep the peace, and how much doing so for years had destroyed my sense of self. I was literally raping myself with his d*ck and it had to stop.

Oh wow !! Your out of that now good for you

Shouldhavelovedathunderbird · 08/10/2025 01:35

There were two defining moments with my exh. The 1st being when he did a covid test and left it on the side. It developed and was negative so I threw it away saying yes all negative. He screamed at me about being controlling in front of DC who shouted the worst thing, "Don't shout at my mummy." At that moment. I was done but trapped as I didn't work.

A few months later he forced me back to work. The night before I was crying and upset. I'd not worked in 10 years, was nervous, frightened and sad at leaving the DC in childcare. He kept saying that if I didn't go, he'd quit his job and we'd have no money, or that he'd tell his work what I'd done. That's one of his go tos, threatening to tell people what I'm like or what I'm supposed to have done, be it employer, my parents etcetera. I cried all night long. His aggression, disdain and lack of care that night made me realise I had been given a way to get out and I did.

The other excuse for a partner, he had a "gum abscess" that was actually a weekend away with the OW. That was a pretty easy ome but the fallout was strangely much worse.

PollyDarton1 · 08/10/2025 02:29

Loads of small things, but it was the continual refusal to do anything as a family and being generally aggressive and abusive in front of our child and toward our child in the latter stages. I would get sworn at, shouted at, dismissed and called crazy regularly in front of our then 4 year old and I realised my son was picking up on his language.

The first straw should, in theory, be when he forced me to get an abortion after 6 months.

Letsskidaddle · 08/10/2025 02:40

When he had health problems that he didn’t address or try to manage at all, including heart problems and type 1 diabetes.

I looked at him stuffing another burger and knew I didn’t want to end up looking after him as we got older.

Sounds shallow but he’d had many warnings from Drs and many health scares related to his condition. He just wasn’t remotely interested in trying to help himself.

Missy09 · 08/10/2025 02:48

washinwashoutrepeat · 08/10/2025 00:46

Hé didn’t consider me at all in any financial or family decisions. Apparently he was trying to protect me from stress but instead he made decisions for me, without me: and they were all bad decisions.

When it all came to light, I was expected to not talk about it, swallow everything and move on. Which I did try to do, for three years. Until I just couldn’t, any more.

Well done for getting out and putting yourself first xxx

Raver84 · 08/10/2025 06:08

When he ran up a secret debt of a significant amount for the fifth time after I had paid the last one off. I was just so calm about it and told him we are done. I just couldn't face another cycle of me and the children going without to pay back the shite he kept buying for himself. Don't regret it and was married 15 years . Hel never change .

RyanFudgingMurphy · 08/10/2025 07:00

NC for this, but I've been here for years.

DD told our 16yo DD he wished she'd never been born.

This, after >20 years of EA towards me.

I was used to it. I could take it, or so I thought. But DD was going to be an adult soon, and I thought, ok, it seems he's going to start doing the same to her, and that broke me. She'd spent all her childhood watching him treat me badly.

I couldn't put up with it anymore. I couldn't see myself spending my old age with him. I needed to make a change. I needed to promise DD that things were going to change, and I was going to follow it through. And I did. It's my proudest achievement.

DD has since left home for uni. Before she left, she spent part of the week with me, and part of the week with her dad. She has felt she's able to stand up to her dad now. He doesn't like it when he's being told he's being an AH but he's realised he's lost a lot of power with both of us.

DDs grown up so much. She didn't go far, so I see her on a weekly basis. Our relationship has improved, so so much. I'm immensely proud of her.

Yamamm · 08/10/2025 07:06

The background was affairs and selfishness but the final straw was standing in front of the 3 for £10 meat offer in Tesco wondering whether I needed three and how best to feed the family then realising he was freely spending whatever he wanted on personal stuff and trips and women. Realised I was being a mug.
Am very happy now. He’s not.

BlueDressontheLine · 08/10/2025 07:21

Tbh I just didn't like him.

Olive567 · 08/10/2025 07:58

LTP with DC. It came down to money in the end. I wasn't happy to continue with our informal financial arrangement. It needed to change or that was it for our relationship. He said No and so we split up last year. It was, thankfully, a really clear cut decision, finally.
It's taken an age but we've finally sold up, bought and moved into our own separate houses.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 08/10/2025 11:47

Missy09 · 08/10/2025 00:36

My first partner used to beat me use all money for drugs last time he beat me I ran with our 5 month old to my mums followed hospital said one more punch I be gone that was my first relationship

Show quote history

I'm really sorry that happened to you. I hope you and your little one are much safer and happier now 💗

Original poster
ToughTimes88 · 08/10/2025 11:47

Thank you everyone for your replies. I will get round to reading them all after work xx

OP posts:
Jimmyneutronsforehead · 08/10/2025 11:58

ARichtGoodDram · 08/10/2025 01:01

My ex, twenty plus years on, still tells people I ended our long term relationship because he put the ketchup in the fridge. Technically he is correct.

However, we were rekindling our relationship for the fourth time. He had walked out when our twins were 6 months old and said family life wasn't for him. We were on and off a bit, I forgave him because twins were hard work. he joined the military and was very unimpressed that I didn't instantly look forward to upping sticks to wherever he was going to be.

He used to not call when he said he would. He'd be late to pick up the girls when he'd said he would, meaning I had to leave work during overtime id picked up specifically because he was free to have the girls. He didn't pay the maintenance he was supposed to (we weren't living together as he was on camp and I was still in my flat I'd moved to when he bailed out). It was just a relentless cycle of him being a disrespectful and unhelpful prick.

I got home from work at 11pm, having taken an extra shift when he was having the girls because I needed the money. I'd bought a bag of chips on the way home and I went into my kitchen and discovered that the third bottle of ketchup I'd bought was also in the fridge. I hate cold ketchup. He knew that. He'd already put the first two in the fridge on previous visits and claimed it was accidental. With the third one I realised that he just did not give one single fuck to my wishes, not even when he was meant to be trying desperately hard, and not even in my own home.

That was the end of us.

Actually, ex used to do similar things. Not with ketchup, but tells everyone we split up because he didn't fold towels correctly. Something small to make it seem like I was making a mountain out of a molehill but it was it was the absolute disrespect for me as a person that was the nail in the coffin.

What really happened is I'd be out working full time, him at home, and all I'd ask was that when he took the clothes and towels out of the dryer he folded them straight away so I didn't have to worry about ironing because I was knackered (didn't know it at the time but I have ME/Cfs), and every time he took the clothes and towels out of the dryer he just stuffed them into a bag for life and shoved them on the chair in the bedroom.

Then he started an argument with me because I said they were obviously not folded and he claimed some bullshit about how it is folded and his standards are different to my standards and if I want something doing right I should do it myself. I did actually scream, I was so frustrated, it felt like my 2 options were scream or explode.

So now he tells people I screamed at him for folding towels wrong.